Days of the year
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Now and when?
Friday. 11.5.10 1:30 am
"My parents had a very good relationship," I often hear my clients say.
"What do you mean by good?" I ask.
"They didnít fight. They spent a lot of time with each other."
That may have been the definition of a good relationship years ago, but now most people want more. Following are ten signs of a healthy relationship.
Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.
SPONTANEOUS WARMTH AND AFFECTION
Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner Self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.
LAUGHTER AND FUN
Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each otherís sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.
ENJOYING TIME TOGETHER AND TIME APART
Are you both each otherís favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?
Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?
Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.
A METHOD FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION
All relationships have some conflict. It is not the conflict that is the issue, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues just keep getting swept aside? If fighting is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?
LETTING GO OF ANGER
If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, punishing your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection.
TRUST IN YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER
Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other Ė and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are, not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.
LISTENING, UNDERSTANDING, ACCEPTING AND LEARNING
Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without fearing being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling each other? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?
Is your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with each other about what brings pleasure to each of you?
FREEDOM TO BE YOURSELF
Do you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you joy? Does your partner feel joy for your joy?
While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to heal the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be loving to themselves and each other.
Haven't written in awhile...
Monday. 11.1.10 7:53 pm
Life in most part - doesn't suck. Which is awesome. Though, now I have longing - which is good...but only when it's compatible.
School is going well. I have a few big tests and essays coming up, but i'm having a blast. My biggest assignment is a 10 page paper in which i'm going to make a case for Comic Books to be included in the academic cannon of literature. It should be intesting. I might post it up - maybe not, Not sure how intrested anyone would REALLY be in that. lol..
Work is....*sigh* well, it's work and I hate it. I feel like i'm in a job that is slowly turning my brain to mush and making me a harder more crass person. I don't know if it's the job, the people I work for or with, or my role as a customer service point person, but I feel myself morphing into my job and it is BLEH.
I want to go to Comic Con very very badly this year. Tickets went on sale today, I haven't bought one in hopes that my financial situation will better itself in the next month or so and that there will still be tickets left. [insert prayer here]
As for my personal life, it could be so much worse, but I would be lying if I said I was absolutely happy. You know how when you're little and you have this picture in your head of what you're going to be or do or who you'll be interacting with? Well, I went through all the fancifal musings everyone does, but at the end I knew a little better what I wanted or not. Well, life just isn't living up to the little girl inside, I don't know if she was just WAY too optomistic and naieve or if it's the grown up that's falling short of greatness. I wish I had that answer now.
Also, today a squirrel got angry at me. I was sitting on a bench watching it as it buried it's acorn. For some reason, I wanted to talk to it so I said "I know where you hid your acorn" at which point the squirrel stopped, looked up at me and then ran behind and up a tree every few feet or so, stopping to give me the stink eye.
Sunday. 9.5.10 11:23 am
Though a massive stroke of luck, I ended up with today and tomorrow off. Huzzah!
I shall use this time to:
a) do the dishes and remaining laundry. (folding and putting away included)
b) Re-organize my massively cluttered bookshelf.
c) Finish up all my readings for school. (This week: Moby Dick and some short fiction)
I feel in the mood to accomplish.
Wednesday. 9.1.10 3:11 am
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