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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Panic now!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Ok. I am now in a state of panic.

Two friends of mine quitted as facilitators today when they said they could help me out with my event this Friday.

I could not sleep after getting this news, and it led me to having gastric.

I really wanna cry at this hour. Where the hell can I get replacement? I don't have any backup because my friends are having exam or simply working.

Although the head of secretariat is kind enough to call me to check on me, I still don't feel calm. I hope my announcement on facebook didn't alarm my committee members. I think it did, if not he would not be calling me.

Sigh. Why can't people be more responsible?

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Not too sure who's sorry
Sunday. 5.20.12 10:27 pm
I just lost a dear friend and a scrabble competitor.

I'm not even sure if it's my fault. Oh well, on the surface it is mine. But inquiring the matter deeply, it's hard to say when human heart is involved.

I have a dear friend and brother that I always chat with on Facebook whenever we are both online. And we would often spar on scrabble. And sadly, I always lose to him. HA!

The issue here that saddened me a lot is like I said: I have just lost a dear friend.

My dear friend obliged to his girlfriend request in ceasing all contacts with me. My crime was advertising a one liner sentence that I will be having online karaoke session with this friend. His girlfriend read it and was angry, and simply felt she was pushed to the limit.

He was apologising profusely. I felt sorry for him instead of myself for making such decision.

Sometimes, I wonder why people would have such insecurities. Growing up in a family that limits freedom, I never understand why would a person do such thing. What power or feeling or even status does the person feel for achieving such state? I never understand why would the 'prisoner' gives in.

I value freedom and personal space so much that I won't give it up even at the request of my partner. Instead, I would ask for faith and trust for I'm mature and wise enough to make the best decision. If the person truly wants me to be happy, I would forewarn him to accept my circle of friends and for what I am, unless that two mentioned items can be improved for the better.

Singing karaoke ONLINE and it never happened by the way was enough to make a girl bawl out and ask her boyfriend to remove me on facebook? HAHA.

What a laughing stork. I will take it as compliment that she feels I'm prettier and of better quality than her. What a kid. (Rolling eyes)

Anyways, I wonder how much can a person give in. I wonder what happen if one day the guy is asked "Your girlfriend or your mother?"

I guess I would just have to further expand my circle of friends.

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Home alone
Friday. 5.18.12 10:33 am
Oh no. I totally forgotten I will be home alone on the weekend. I actually love being alone as I will have time for myself. But I don't know why I'm feeling uneasy about being alone tomorrow. The back of my mind has suggested to stay over at my aunt's house. The feeling now is like a warning.

I just hope I won't encounter anything. If I'm stilll feeling uneasy, I will have to either sleep alone bravely or stay over.

Maybe the explanation for this uneasy feeling is because I have not done my report. Oh well, hopefully it is.

Hopefully, it is not someone's fear that I am picking up.

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Monday, May 14, 2012
I had the wildest urge last night that is to drink the bottle of Dettol from my kitchen. I was not in a suicidal mode, but I just feel like doing it. Knowing how crazy I can be in coping with stress, I called a friend to check on me, but no pick up.

The last time I did it was drinking the bottle of sugarcane syrup. Well, that was food and this is not.

And on top of that, I planned if I wanna drink Dettol, then I should also take anti-vomit pill. Despite saying I'm not suicidal, I unknowingly had just plan how to kill myself.

These thoughts have resurfaced again. My friend who rang me up shared that most likely my emotional breakout is attributed to my change of diet. My body might be craving for some minerals.

Whether or not my body is adjusting to its environment, these thoughts were not new.

I need a better way to cope with stress.

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Monday, May 14, 2012
On 3 November 2011 ...

I was told that my team hasn't put up our mailbox due to some glitches. Since the verandah on level 3was booked for the Malaysian contingent, we gathered there and put the final touches to our mailbox.

Here's a picture of our mailbox:


Tidbits: There are a few things you need to know about the mailbox:

1. We were the last contingent to put up the mailbox. HAHAHA.
2. The box had a gap on the bottom, and many friends complained that they could not put stuff in my box because they kept falling.
3. My giver was sad that I didn't receive his chocolates. I don't think the Toblerone is slim enough to squeeze through the gap. So we assumed it was stolen. This made me think if this was not the first case after all.
4. My YL received a lot of letters from admirers
5. I put foodstuff in my girlfriend's box because they always lament it's empty.
5. My mailbox is always empty.

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Mother's day
Saturday. 5.12.12 12:07 pm
My mum's sister out of the blue decided to celebratd mother's day. Actually, my mum and I are not looking forward at all. In fact, we are now very stress because of her because there are 1001 things she doesn't eat. And thr place she proposed is not what my mum and I would eat. It's not that we are fussy, it's just we don't trust her taste. Haha. Ok. We are fussy.

I proposed a better place but my auntie refused to go! Ok. Let's see how it goes tomorrow. My mum and I are already sighing....

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