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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Past life
Friday. 4.19.13 1:30 pm
I had a past life regression meditation.

I was expecting myself to cry, scream or cringe with horror as I thought I would be overwhelmed with things I didn't want to see.

On the contrary, I had the most pleasant memory among all my friends.

The facilitator guided us to a door with handle, but mine is without a handle just a sliding door. And so I pushed into a garden. The door was covered in bricks now. I walked on the pebbles path and found myself in a small cottage. I was in a white costume. Sometimes it's a costume like what Tsunade from Naruto wears, sometimes it's the normal Victorian era white costume like the nurse's costume. I was doing nothing. I could breathe in the clay - that warm feeling in a cottage that dinner is served. I was also watching out at the window... I asked if there's a book to read or what was I looking at, but there was no reply.

I find it boring and then I felt myself walking on a path again. This time I was holding a daisy and smelling it like a silly girl... smiling from ear to ear while walking... Then I passed an entrance-like on a bridge with some lamp post. I felt like I was in an old English city... but I was alone.

All I felt was peace. There was no worry or even loneliness. I was very comfortable with myself.

In the midst of my journey, I also felt myself being sucked into a tunnel where there were grey bricks in front of me. I was scared and could feel the scream tightening in my chest, hence I retraced back to the cottage. I didn't want to see anything unpleasant. This happened twice. The second time was while walking with the daisy, I could feel there was another path and for a heart beat my curiosity wanted to take that, but somehow was prevented. That path was grey, no plants growing at all and looks very dull...

Anyways... and then I returned to the cottage... sitting... and then somehow ... I feel boring again... and also because I was so hot til I cannot breathe that I tried to imagine I there was cold air... or rather I asked the angels to blow me some cool air... And then... I found myself floating in the air with the sunset rays!!! I felt like I was one with the universe!

It was so comfortable that I went into snoozing mode.


So long until I was nudged by a voice waking me up. I woke up... and everyone was looking at me.


I had the most peaceful sleeping expression and my friend dare not nudge me. But I found her in tears...

Everyone shared their experience. And they remembered how they died!

So dramatic! And I kept wondering if my regression was a success or failure.

Anyways... the key - I think - to my peaceful sleep was I requested for assistance in protecting and guiding me to happy moments. I wonder if that cottage is where I wait to be reborn...

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The scare
Monday, April 15, 2013
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Sunday, April 14, 2013
Have you guys heard of chia seeds? If yes, did you guys know chia seeds have a lot of grades?

I was recently introduced to an ultimate grade of chia seeds. My introducer was trying to help me to address my backache and I agreed to try it out. There is a regime I have to follow and I did.

It turned out to be horrible. I vomited three times and I didn't have any food in my body for the past 24 hours. I vomited whatever I ate including plain broth.

I called up my introducer because I could not survive another day with such severe gastritis. Actually I just wanna stop the whole regime...

The introducer reduced my dosage to a teaspoon for the next day and I was feeling so much better... after that.

I was so tired with all those toilet visiting... that I freaked out all my colleagues in the office. And yes, the puking took place in the office twice... and the toilet floor...

That I slept like a baby. I asked not to have a nightmare, but I dreamed of a friend who molested me 2 years ago telling me that the girl who banned and deleted me off FB has gone to England to study. Oh. Nice. Is that true? I wanna call him up for verification, but I don't want to give him another chance to think I can't live without a man...

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Learn, learn, learn
Monday. 4.8.13 12:06 pm
I actually have low patience when comes to talking to a friend from XXX. I'm not a racist and am an open-minded person, but he drives me up the wall.

I have dedicated a post somewhere a few months ago on him. And this is another post I'm dedicating to him. Seriously, I don't like to waste my time on such people. If we were not linked because of administering a FB platform, I would like to have my own space and time with books.

Ok. So what's up with this guy recently?

Recently, we decided to meet up to discuss of the direction of the platform. With lacklustre marketing strategy or rather non-existing, we garnered a huge number of fans!

Anyways... I told him on the phone that we

meet up at 2.30 pm
tea in some cafe.

So on that date itself, he called up at 2 pm and I was having lunch. So I told him I'm having lunch and invited him to join me for lunch.

Alright. He showed up. Sulking.

And I said what's up?

He was expressing how angry he was about me having lunch without him. And indirectly making me feel "Renaye's has a f*king poor common sense. What the f*** is wrong with your brain that you don't understand that 2.30 pm means it's lunch together?"

I was appalled. I stood back in my shell and reflected on my words. I knew his character pretty well even though I'm not close to him - like hell I want - and told him clearly that I said it's TEA not lunch and tea means light food. And by the way, won't 2.30 pm a little too late for lunch? So who's common sense is absent?

I tried reasoning with him or rather trying my best to educate him about Malaysian culture that we don't really have lunch at 2.30 pm unless I say it's LUNCH. But he was berating me " NO, IN XXX, IT MEANS LUNCH. WHY THE HELL DID U HAVE LUNCH WITHOUT ME?! U KNOW I WAS SO MAD THAT I FEEL LIKE LEAVING WHEN I HEARD U SAID U R HAVING LUNCH?!"

But in Malaysia, we have tea at 2.30 pm and lunch by 2 pm??


But this is Malaysia, not XXX?


Look. I don't know who is madder. Why was he so mad about my people's culture?

I kept reflecting myself all afternoon. I expected a foreigner to follow Malaysian culture when that person may not understand. But didn't I try to share with him about that? Was I too pushy? So is it fair for him to inflict his culture onto me whereby he is trying to replicate his culture so he doesn't feel culture shock? I can exchange but I don't think inflicting is the right action. So why am I absorbed into his little world?

I later asked another friend from the same country as he is who had studied in Malaysia before. Later I found out that lunch in their country is from between 12 -3 pm. So if I were to invite him for tea at 2.30 pm, it means it's with meals. I see. Interesting. And when I switched to Malaysia, this friend can instantly answered "Oh that's consider late for Malaysians, it will be just tea."


I regained my confidence in common sense. And I'm trying my best to not contact him at all cost unless necessary.

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Saturday. 4.6.13 8:08 am
Just wondering would you put a USD 3000 worth handbag on the toilet floor?

My family cannot fathom why would someone do that given the floor is freaking dirty.

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dry soul
Thursday. 4.4.13 12:03 pm
My body is telling me I need a holiday like now. My body is wanting to be with something but I cannot decipher.


Going to a beach and listen to the wave is like what my body needs, but where should I go?? No money ... alone... which beach?

I'm going crazy... I really need a break. I didn't take any break for the past one year... It was all working holiday...

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