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Speak to My Finger
Books
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Holy 2020
Friday. 11.13.20 10:32 am
Many things can happen in a year. And some things are even beyond my imagination. I remember how much I was looking forward to next year's bonus and increment but I didn't have to any more. The rest I wanted to badly since the lockdown didn't come true when I shower myself with several online courses that I can feel my body screaming of exhaustion. I am so due for a rest spiritually. I don't think many people don't understand that. I really feel like doing nothing everyday. Just do things in the moment not plan for the next minute and then curse myself stupid for not achieving the things-to-do list. It's very tiring. People marvel at my list of friends but I can also tell you how marveled I am when so many just cease talking to me one day. I do that to others too when they said things I dislike.

"I didn't know you are busy sleeping around." Just because you bought me an isotonic drink, I don't belong to you.

"Sorry to tell you you just miss the boat." I didn't know there is an age limit to dreaming. I really hope that's not the excuse to make me give up so you can court me. You just didn't know how disappointed I were when I heard this sentence coming from your mouth. "Oh you know I am a good kisser." No use when your heart stinks.

"I love you." No, grandpa, no. Are you even a rich grandpa? "It takes time to grow love." No no no. I am not interested in grandpa with a baby.

"You only use your friends." I do. If you even read what takes to be friends, it's about you-use-me-i-use-you currency. Of course, it's not as crude as how I put it. I am just saying frankly. We usually say 'help' instead. Anyways, you don't even help others who are as suicidal as you or others who are already ahead of you. Being silence on people's cry is not a way to help.

"You are not sexy enough... dress like her la. Then you can get any guys." Yea, I know it's normal animal instinct but then my eyes and ears are polluted enough with this kind of shit. That's why pets are better than humans. They don't judge. You give them food and cuddles, they are your slaves or gods for ever.

I am enough. I have to learn to let go of all the friends that hurt me. I have to let them go so I can find happiness in myself. I don't need to know why they hurt me. It's not necessary for me to know. They are answerable to themselves.

I am tired with some social interactions.

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Internally
Friday. 10.9.20 3:08 pm
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Another birthday
Thursday. 9.17.20 3:41 pm
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Romance rains
Wednesday. 6.3.20 3:26 pm
Ugh. I have actually banned myself from reading romance manga. Why did I even start reading back on those love love manga?? The one thing my heart can no longer take is that love-separation-whatever ending graph. These spikes keep playing with my emotion and I don't want to see an unhappy ending!!! And as usual I fall into that obvious romance plot even though they can be stupid. Wait... if the art sucks, I'm safe.

The current trend is Prince falls in a love with the MAID. HOHO. I am laughing like a silly chicken. But hell yeah that's the freaking trend across Japanese and Korean comic. And wait, another trend is Isekai = cross dimension, with some ridiculous thing that I kinda dislike = memories of past life are retained. If we are talking about RE:LIFE manga, yes it kinda makes sense but the rest can be shitty. It's all about the skills of the author. Some isekai manga is damn good in gripping my emotions. Kudos to those authors. But some are so shitty that I cannot brain how some audience can fall for it. I think I have ranted on this before somewhere here. How would my isekai story be? No idea. I have not really explored on my own idea. There is one thing that is overexploited in isekai genre is that the intelligence of the main character who came from Japan/Korea into some historical/fantasy dimension and then flourish as a genius because solely their memories are retained or something like that. So in short, all those now-then genius in their new world are actually sore losers in Japan/Korea. Some isekai genre have some illogical characters like genius medical person 17 years of age. What the hell. There are other types of genius in our world so don't need to keep banging on medical and martial arts area.

Those isekai genre that I like are more to realism. They got transported into another body who is a nobody but fortunately a princess whatsoever sheltered character and build themselves from scratch, but got the attention of the most handsome-st guy in the whole nation. And there goes my heart falling for those beautifully drawn guy that we all fangirls hope they are real for us to touch. Did these manga characters inspire those Kpop guys to be so beautiful? Wait, who influences who?

I never turned away any kind of genre as long as they captured my attention. It's funny how I can even drop some really good manga half way just because my heart can no longer take how the romance plot is going. That would be the manga called Goddess Creation. To me, the plot is a surprise that I hate myself for even starting to read it and to abandon it half-way. But hey my brain is gonna do my heart a favour. No judge-y.

Hmm... fighting isekai genre... can't really think of one because I forgot the title. That was quite funny but as usual I don't like how the loser from Japan became the genius bla bla... but I enjoyed reading because this is a loser started from scratch even though he gets all the best items like how a gamer from nothing to build a metropolitan in Sim City. The best part was he was to be the saint but got thrown out from the empire because he was ugly and left to die outside of the empire. While the other two he was transported with were kept and crowned as saint. I would love to continue that manga because I would like to know how would all the saints react when they meet. They will eventually.

The other isekai-ish will the Overlord. I feel like knocking some sense into the main character. He got stuck in the game. It is becoming dark as the story progresses. And I wanna know what the hell happens to him in his journey! From the sweet sweet gamer to.... a real Overlord of the Darkness.

Yea, you can guess right that 'getting stuck in game' or gamers got transported into another isekai is also another trend. I neither dislike or like.

What irritated me the most is that the girl who got isekai-ed got herself all the handsome characters in the romance plot and then don't know what to do. What the hell. I am maybe jealous. HAHA.

Damn those mangaka for having such devilish skills in drawing gorgeous guys.

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Hate
Sunday. 3.22.20 10:31 am
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Already Feb
Wednesday. 2.12.20 2:03 pm
It's already Feb but I am still not feeling fab!

It suddenly hits on me that Nutang has been around for... like a decade? I should really take the time to read my past entries here. It would be interesting to look back on how I spent my youth.

It's funny how time flies and there are so many new things I have been doing and yet all I can just reply people "as usual' if they happened to ask what's new with me. I don't know why people are so fascinated with my life and only a handful will comment that I did make my life to the fullest while the rest will continue to comment I have no focus in life. It's pretty paradox but to think back I have tried out a lot of things though I am not good in all them but hey at least I can tell people I have tried!

It's already 2020 and I still can tell you that I am still finding myself but I have reduced a lot of things that no longer serve me and yet I still need to be more disciplined in this area because dropping some doesn't mean I didn't pick up new and not important stuff along the way!

As I look back, I realised I am somewhat fulfilling my basket list. Really! Like I said, I may not be good in that skill but at least I have tried!

So though I am not as rich as I want to, I know I am always rich in my experiences. And that's way better because no one can ever take that away from me. It's copyrighted already. =)

And so I move on to my other new projects.

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