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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Ghost, my lady ...
Sunday, July 1, 2007
i met up my sister's friend yesterday and ... my god... a devil. he just loves talking - it's not like i'm not talkative as well but i talk with sense- and he doesn't have senses... he just makes joke out of everything. my sister said he seemed to be trying to impress me. yea i think so too because he kept on showing me his grin while we were talking and i just think he's trying to hard. no point... i don't flirt and i feel like telling him he should cosplay as a vampire because he has a potential mouth with a set of vampire teeth but too bad he's not tall and doesn't fit the requirements ... like tall, fair and handsome. he's just the opposite. i think my sister will be laughing her head off if she's read this. and i'm sure she did.

he said being able to see ghost/ spirits is a gift of god and god amongs god. i think he said something like that. being able to see them, i don't think it's a gift but an ability. when i was younger, i was very afraid of being exposed to them. imagine, they disturb you when you are trying to sleep. they know you were not asleep so they would make all kinds of noise to scare you. i ran out of the room and lied to my mum that i felt like waking up early every morning. they even did that to me when i shared room with my mum. i thought they won't dare to do so. how wrong was i. but hey he sang me to sleep ...

my mum didn't understand why i didn't like her always going out for her activities every night because i was scared to be alone at home. i have always felt something at home. i turned on all the lights at home but i still feel something wrong. i turned on the tv to have some noise at home .. oh radio doesn't work. i could not share this with them because mum said "the more I said, the more I get scared." see who's talking.

sometimes, i saw shadows not mine in the house, doorways, school, etc. worse thing is my own house, my shelter, my protection. but it turned out to be the worse place i want to be alone. i feel more stressful when i was at home, alone.

they talked to me when i was 4-5 years old. they talked to me in my head ... and a guy visited me. strange. i saw him again many years ago. oh i only see shadows ... not their face.

though i can't see them anymore, i could feel their presence whether i like it or not. i can feel if 'someone' is there or watching me. they don't talk to me now. but i could see them with remote viewing. err... don't want to relive what i saw during college.

is it a gift or a curse or a god among gods? this, i need to press god for an answer. if i want to be god among gods, then please grant me powers as Sylar from Heroes has minusing eating brains.

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Paris Hilton reverse
Friday, June 29, 2007
Miss Paris Hilton's handsome face has been splashing all media as the cover page since her jail released. Even Mix fm deejays were talking about her and commenting how life is so unfair - someone been driving with suspended license but yet she got more famous because of her mischief? And I read somewhere that she could get $1 million from a TV station if she lets them to be the first media to interview her after her released.

A picture of her released in the Utusan actually got me thinking about her. A picture was showing an Asian man full with emotions - happy mixed with relieve like someone he has missed so much just show up-was recording her walking down the invisible aisle in front of him. There was even a broad smile on his face. And yea, hands flying up into the air just to show support to Hilton. But his expression caught my breathe in the throat.

Why would a person show such expression for a spoiled rich brat who got everything she wanted with a snap of a finger? Why for a person who admitted that "she pretended to be dumb" but later she realised "it was not cute to be 'dumb'". Why her? Why for a person who committed some stupid offense? Because she's "cute and dumb" or beautiful or what?

I cannot understand that person's expression.

And then I don't know why suddenly my inner self just strike the idea what if she's some kind of champion for human's happiness? Like humanitarian or environment. What if she was released because her actions fighting for people's happiness was recognized?

What would be my reaction? Would I like her? Would I respect her from the bottom of my heart? Would that guy give the same expression?

I don't know.

But I'm sure she would be loved and treasured by all if she's just like what my inner self thought.

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Pissu Offu
Thursday, June 28, 2007
I was actually pissed off yesterday - no sales, some people 'pushing' me around and receiving some stupid phone call from a relative. But was delighted and nearly died of heart attack after watching Heroes last night.

I worked hard to ensure the quality of my work and I'm very well aware of the given dateline but is it my fault if other people don't want to cooperate with me? I'm checking references day and night of my fellow writers ... My eyes went as starry as a night could be. Flipping and flopping pages of references ... and one of my seniors said she needed to 'push' me for results. I worked damn hard and the only one in the office that always ask for extra work and you said you need to push me for results?

At 6.07 pm yesterday, I received a stupid call from my aunt. She asked me if I went to this "place" [a hideout of a friend]. I went there but none of your business right? I didn't say yes and no. I just shot her with "What kind of information/ news you want?". It seems the 'place' I was at with friends was captured by reporters ... and my friends appeared in the newspaper .. so my aunt went telling her workmates that one of my friends was me. I was there but my face didn't appear in the newspaper. What a lie to tell your workmates that one of my friends consisted of Malay guys and girls was me. Man .. she called me up just to ask why did I 'appear' in the newspaper ...

So what if my face is in the newspaper? None of your business man. People I know have appeared in the newspaper but so what? You don't go bragging them because you earn nothing sort of value or fame. I'm sure my uncle would be bragging as well in his office... Sigh ... parasite of fame.

Let's talk about Heroes. I can't believe Sylar was just as cool as a cucumber when hunting the other Heroes... eating ice cream and just slithering as quiet as a snake around... Man.. Ted died ... And next week is the finale of Heroes Season 1...

I'm going to explode ...

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Cup of tea or me?
Monday, June 25, 2007
I actually thought of watching a Chinese movie called 'Happy Birthday' on Friday but guess what ... no electric for the past 6.5 hours but somehow it came back at 9 pm and resumed to my original plan though I could not even open my eyes.

All I could say is this is a sad romance story. It just leaves you a haunting trail for your thoughts to think about love - not family love but partner in life. To cut it short, the guy, Siu Nam and the girl, Siu Mai (not the edible dim sum), are deeply in love with each other. In fact, the guy has been wanting to marry her for the past 10 years but she just could not give up her insecurities - she got a trauma when her mum abandoned the family when she was young. Since then she could not let go of a person especially Siu Nam. Well you could say that their relationship is on and off.

Throughout the movie, you could see Siu Nam has something to say to Siu Mai, but she doesn't seem to get the message. She even told him to not ask anything from her for his own self-centredness because she didn't.

And then one night, Siu Nam called Siu Mai and told her is going to marry someone... She got pissed off, really.

But the truth is, he told her this lie because he was having rectal colon cancer. The only thing that got him to survive in his death bed is listening to her piano playing in cassettes.

And his will before his death is to his sister is to send a birthday wish to Siu Mai every year.

And the saddest thing is Siu Mai's best friends know the truth but she doesn't. And Siu Mai harbours this hope to see Siu Nam one day despite being married.

If you like this movie, you should try watching Sweet November.

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Bad news & Good news or in the middle
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Bad news? Good news?? I just feel like crying for several reasons.

First reason: my Japanese friend in Penang is planning to come to KL next Monday. He informed me a few weeks ago but I was told next month not next week. Never mind, any day is fine with me as long you inform me earlier. When he is coming is not the major problem. The major problem I'm facing is language breakdown. I don't know what he wants. I don't know what was he talking to me ... I don't mind communicating with a person whose foreign language is not the mother tongue but it's not an excuse if you have studied that language for 4 years in a foreign country.

I'm sorry to say this because I'm sure many readers will think I'm 'not friend enough' or entertaining friends is like a chore or something like that because someone accused me with that reason before...

As I said I got language barrier with this guy ... and he drove me nuts this morning because he kept on answering me "I DON'T KNOW" for every question I asked him. I asked simple questions like these and followed by his response:

a) What time are you reaching KL?
I DON'T KNOW. But can you accompanied me around KL?

b) Sure. I don't mind taking you around but what would you like to see?
I DON'T KNOW. I don't know anything about KL... I don't even know where's the toilet ....

c) Ok... What's your budget first?

That's where I got MAD. What the hell you mean by you don't know???!!! Even I paraphrase my sentence into simple English ... he can't even understand. I typed in Japanese ... he typed back ###@@@####@# as a reply to my questions. What do you want me to do now? And today is Thursday ... it is impossible for me to apply leave for Monday and Tuesday. So I told him in a nice way that I don't think I could meet you on Monday and Tuesday... and before I could continue my sentence via MSN, he went offline. I wanted to finish the sentence 'I could meet you at night'. I even thought of organizing him to go on the KL Hop-on Hop-off. I'm not too sure if he accidentally went offline or what or I'm just thinking too much...

The second news is a heartbreaking one to jolenesiah I think. That was because I thought of going to Penang for a seminar but for certain reasons, could not. I have to break this sad news ... Poor tigress... I'm supposed to bring her 2 cat books ... bwahahah ... One is a cat marketing sales book and the other is a cat romance story. Bwahaha ... I was also planning where to eat when I go to Penang... and now it has vaporized. Man ... poor jolenesiah ... I thought of taking her to eat steamboat, South Indian dessert and some authentic Japanese ramen/ soba and go to pub ...

Faster come back to KL la, jolenesiah!

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Blowjob to the BITCH ...
Tuesday. 6.19.07 10:17 pm
Yes I know I have been MIA. But please bear in mind that I'm a zombie/banshee/panda mistress so I'm never be able to stay put at one place ...

Right ... Monday's meeting was damn funny because the staff celebrated 3 of our workmates' birthday. Somebody bought a cake and birthday cards. So when we finished singing the birthday song, my senior manager asked the 3 birthday staff, who were sticking to a corner, to blow out the candles but he ended up saying "Come you 3 do the BLOWJOB". Of course, we all burst into laughter.

Why Bitch? Long story. How to keep it short? Just make her headless with a katana that jolenesiah told me I could purchase for RM 100 ++ at a night market in Malacca. I'm considering of buying one. I'm sure Mr. Worm Worm would know who am I referring to and please wear pampers when you finish reading this sentence.

I also know that I'm due for reviews on many things like books, anime, manga, movie, whatever but the internet connection is still not good. TM Net, a local internet provider, is still fixing the damn problem and they asked us if we would like to upgrade the speed to 1000 Mbps. My sis got mad and shot them off that if you can't fix our problem within a short time, let alone guaranteeing that my family won't have the same problem as now when we get the 1000 Mbps.

What else? I have not been talking in the office except reminding my workmates to turn off the electrical appliances. And I think one of them got pissed off yesterday by switching off the air conditioner by the switch not the remote. Hey... I'm just doing my bits in saving the earth... whatever. Maybe I just think too much. But body gestures never lied.

Yours Sincerely,

a) renaye, the zombie because she looks blur blur enough to cincang [dice] people with plastic katana which will be upgraded soon ...

b) renaye, the banshee because she can't really talk now due to some complications and she's always waiting for the opportunity to break the Guiness World of Records of having the loudest scream.

c) renaye, the Panda Mistress because she has huge dark eye rings which makes her qualified for a ghost/spirit role in any horror movies ...

Please choose one of the signatures before you finish reading this sentence.

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