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Memores acti prudentes futuri

It's easier to complain
but there is beauty in the mundane
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts

Blue Milk Special
Camp Weedonwantcha
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Sin Titulo
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Ugly Girl
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown

Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Another weekend
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Still no pictures of myself and Monsieur Petit Ami as a couple. X|

I keep thinking that I'll get around to it after I get a new camera or something... Haven't really been looking for one though.

My mom got me some new earbuds as a replacement birthday present... I'm not sure why, since I already have some, but whatever. Not going to complain about a gift like that...

Events of the weekend: nothing in particular.

Nah but for real, we mostly just watched movies (that weren't that great) and stuff. Nothing too exciting. We did go to First Friday downtown and looked at art (and I got a free t-shirt! :D) but that was kind of the biggest thing we did.

Movies watched:
Better Off Dead
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
A Scanner Darkly

I've seen Better Off Dead before, and like it. He thought it was alright. Desperation was terrible, and really long as well. The Meaning of Life was um... well... I was kind of shocked during some parts. It was a little embarrassing to watch. X| A Scanner Darkly was very confusing, although I thought it was kind of interesting in general, and Pandorum was scary. He liked that one the most though, at least compared to the others. Neither of us had even heard of it before we rented it, yet apparently it came out in 2009... It felt strangely short to me. I get vibes like that from movies a lot though.

Alice came over yesterday to give me a painting she did for my birthday, along with $40 worth of iTunes giftcards. :3 I'll post a picture when I'm feeling less tired...

Now there's two months before I can definitely see him again. :/ I guess it's better than my last relationship, but it's kind of hard to say... At least last time I had school and friends and New York to distract me. Here I have... school and... nothingness. Blah.

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And in passing
Friday, October 1, 2010
1:30 AM. It's so convenient to have that little clock in the corner of the screen, isn't it? Unfortunately, it makes it easy to glance at it every five seconds as I wait for my boyfriend to get here. While typing that sentence I probably looked at least three times.

I keep looking at the calendar, too. Seeing as it no longer September, I turned the page. I'm not thoroughly enthused with my calendar this year, but October has a nice picture. It's a man with a cane and top hat, and there are fat owls flying round his head. He looks rather serious.

Funny how he isn't even here yet and I'm already thinking about what it'll be like when he's gone. We will probably exchange some "miss you"s and "I wish you were here"s, but life will go on as usual otherwise.

I went to the doctor today to get a referral. She asked me if I'd had any thoughts of self harm. "All the time," I thought. But I just said "yeah". It occurred to me to mention that I never do harm myself, no matter how much I may think of it, but she seemed concerned anyway. She told me to go the the hospital immediately the next time I had such thoughts. I found the whole thing quite amusing. What happens if I show up at the hospital and say "I was contemplating banging my head into the wall and laughing hysterically until I collapse on the floor and the laughter turns to uncontrollable sobbing. Wasn't going to do it, but I was told to come here if I thought about it"?

Fun times. (I'm actually in a pretty good mood right now, so don't worry)

She told me I might want to consider taking twenty minute walks a few times a week to decrease stress and relax a bit. Not a bad idea, I guess. I'd have more incentive to start if I had somewhere to go or someone to go with, though.

I don't want to make this entry too long, so I guess I'll do some homework while I wait for him...


If you have time to kill and like Choose Your Own Adventure stories, I've got a link you might like right here:


(I've also added it to the KtB module, under the Webcomics header, although I guess TECHNICALLY it's not really a webcomic...)

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Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Tuesday, September 28, 2010
It's kind of funny how suicide notes and breakup speeches can be so similar.

"You're better off without me..."
"I'm sorry, but I didn't know what else to do..."
"It's better this way..."
"I just can't take this anymore..."

Even the cliché "it's not you, it's me" works.


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Wouldn't be good enough
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
I typically try to avoid lyrics as titles on Nutang but sometimes things just work...

(Title from "Heartbeats" by The Knife, by the way)

I like my Children's Lit class, but it's reviving that old feeling of incompetence within me. We were discussing Little Red Riding Hood and everyone was talking about the sexual themes in it. The professor said "if you didn't notice that, you need to read it again."

Silly me, thinking that maybe it was a more innocent time, and climbing into bed with grandma was socially acceptable. :/

One guy in particular mentioned "the red cape being an obvious metaphor for a hymen." Yeah... I didn't pick up on that, either. Blah.

I'm having friendship conflicts again. This seems to happen every few days now. It doesn't help that paranoia is driving me insane. Everything feels like lies. I feel like I'm being lied to and lying myself. It's not gotten to the point where I'm questioning my existence again, but that doesn't seem too far off. My perceived reality is distorted enough as is... I don't need to be getting impractically philosophical and randomly freaking out because I suddenly wonder if I've ever existed outside of the present.

So many things are just wrong...

Paddy on the railway, picking up stones,
Along came an engine and broke Paddy's nose,
Oh, says Paddy, that's not fair,
Oh, says the engine, I don't care

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Gettin' all medical up in here
Sunday, September 26, 2010
So yesterday night I went to talk to my mom about something, and she said "your neck looks fat. I think you might have a thyroid problem, and that's what's causing your depression."

Uh what.

Well let's see...


Oh wait, that's not me. Okay, well I guess it's just an unsolved case then.

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Shampoo bars
Thursday, September 23, 2010
The shampoo bar samples I ordered came today!

Man I love getting packages in the mail.(Who doesn't, though?)

They smell nice, but I think my favorite part is actually the cute tiny paper bags they're in.

I feel kind of like the stereotyped asian girls from Family Guy who think everything small is cute. Gah.

Also, here's another one of those videos with music I like and just... a weird clip.

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Hurray for hard to understand lyrics
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I believe I've discussed Van She on here before, but if not, here are some videos for your viewing pleasure/displeasure.

I like this one better, although it took a bit of listening to get what I hope are the correct lyrics...

The theme of Virgin Suicide kind of reminds me of Sic Transit Gloria by Brand New.

Even though I got it awhile ago, lately I've been appreciating Cherly Kacherly's "Drop - A 4 Note Soundtrack" a lot more lately. I guess it seems like fitting music for autumn.

This is not specifically relevant to this entry, but man, I have a lot of songs with lonely vibes.

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