A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence
"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"
"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation
"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes
"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics
Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Eat That Toast!
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius
Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Robbie and Bobby
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Yellow Peril (PG-13)
Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing
Meat and Plastic
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
YU + ME
Pure Flash Awesomeness
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
Clients from Hell
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Destinations and ideas
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
So I'm in one of those moods where I've got an idea and it seems completely awesome, so I end up dedicating myself to it completely (and feverishly) for awhile.
I don't like it here, as I may have mentioned before.
I miss New York. Actually, mostly I just miss having stuff to do and places to go. I can't do anything here so most of the time I just hang around at home. By myself. In a fat metaphorical puddle of sadness.
ANYWAY, I'm thinking about going back to New York for school. Strangely enough I miss the college environment. (Actually I miss having friends; that might be it)
I'm looking into The New School. I don't remember what didn't appeal to me about it the last time I considered it, but right now it looks good. I figure I could probably major in Creative Writing and perhaps become a children's author?
If I can remain committed to this idea then I might actually be motivated to not become a hobo and die in a gutter somewhere!
It's strange, comparing how excited I feel right now to what I view as my "normal" disposition... which is to say rather depressed and resigned.
BUT HEY MAYBE I HAVE A FUTURE AFTER ALL!? Crazy stuff. We shall see. I'm hoping this doesn't fizzle out like it did when I thought being a kindergarten teacher would be absolutely freaking amazing.
I'm wondering if this ridiculously excited state has anything to do with exhaustion? I feel like running around and laughing and generally doing things.
When she was good, she was very very good,
But when she was bad, she was horrid.
That'll be me in a nutshell.
Dropped into the midst
Sunday, October 24, 2010
"What do you think?" she asks me. She's wearing a satiny purple nightie with lace on the edges. I tell her I think it looks good. She's a little anxious about it but I give her an encouraging smile and tell her to go.
"I like it," she says. "I think it looks really mech."
Intuitively I know she means it's reminiscent of combat machines, the kind that only exist in movies and fiction. But she's right, of course. It is very mech.
She exits the room, closing the door, and walks to where he's sitting on the sofa pull-out bed. I think to myself that of course it must only be natural that he'd move onto her once he broke up with her daughter. They're all around the same age anyway. Still, I feel a little off inside, knowing what once was. Thinking about looks and smiles that aren't mine anymore.
I don't know who this woman is, or her daughter. They just exist, and they have existed. I am only visiting their home.
"Mech?" he texts me.
"Just tell her she's sexy" I reply. I think about the words coming out of his mouth and the off feeling turns to sickness. What's done is done though, and it's over for me.
I don't know what to make of these dreams.
The wrong kind of thinking that still feels right
Saturday, October 23, 2010
I don't even know anymore
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Things are going downhill again. I kind of just want to throw up right now...
Friday, October 22, 2010
On OKC my visitor count went from an average of 17 per week to 103 per week.
Just a couple of days ago the average was 59...
In very NOT fun news, my ex is in the hospital. :/ He says he should be fine, and Alice keeps telling me that too, but it's so hard not to worry about him...
Also we watched Bonnie and Clyde in Film yesterday and all I could think about as I watched it was how the females in the Barrow Gang kept messing everything up with their emotional outbursts. Especially Blanche. I HATE BLANCHE. I can understand why she was nominated for an Oscar for her performance though, because I just wanted to punch her in the face the entire time.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I wish you were always with a smile
I wish you were happy all the while
I wish you were never in despair
And life could be a sweet affair
I wish that my love could bring to you
Happiness and joy to cling to you
I don't know what to say. I feel like I'm in one of those isolated moments I'll always remember the feeling of.
I wish... things weren't like this. Everything.
You've probably all read this in some form or another
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Another article about why women don't like so-called "nice guys":
I thought some parts were interesting, despite finding the article as a whole to be kind of eh (the misspellings here and there didn't help).
When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.
Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.
And lastly, what stood out to me most:
We rarely stop loving people we truly care about.
I might write more later... It's 2 AM though, and I have school today.
Three days after
Monday, October 18, 2010
I've been better.
The desire to eat has for the most part completely deserted me.
Besides the uncharacteristic anger I'd been doing better recently. Now I'm back down in the hole.
I'm listening to The Tragic Treasury by The Gothic Archies.
We were wrong to begin with,
Even if we were sincere
Truth is just a useful myth
Things are not what they appear
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