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So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

The Profile

Age. 37
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. that of my father and his father before him
Location Altadena, CA
School. Other
» More info.
The World

The Link To Zanzibar's Past
This is my page in the beloved art community that my sister got me into:


Extra points for people who know what Samarinda is.
The Phases of the Moon Module
Croc Hunter/Combat Wombat
My hero(s)
Only My Favorite Baseball Player EVER

Aw, Larry Walker, how I loved thee.
The Schedule
M: Science and Exploration
T: Cook a nice dinner
Th: Parties, movies, dinners
F: Picnics, the Louvre
S: Read books, go for walks, PARKOUR
Su: Philosophy, Religion
The Reading List
This list starts Summer 2006
A Crocodile on the Sandbank
Looking Backwards
Wild Swans
Tales of the Alhambra (in progress)
Dark Lord of Derkholm
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
The Lost Years of Merlin
Harry Potter a l'ecole des sorciers (in progress)
Atlas Shrugged (in progress)
A Long Way Gone (story of a boy soldier in Sierra Leone- met the author! w00t!)
The Eye of the World: Book One of the Wheel of Time
From Magma to Tephra (in progress)
Lady Chatterley's Lover
Harry Potter 7
The No. 1 Lady's Detective Agency
Introduction to Planetary Volcanism
A Child Called "It"
Is Multi-Culturalism Bad for Women?
Americans in Southeast Asia: Roots of Commitment (in progress)
What's So Great About Christianity?
Aeolian Geomorphology
Aeolian Dust and Dust Deposits
The City of Ember
The People of Sparks
Cube Route
When I was in Cuba, I was a German Shepard
The Golden Compass
Clan of the Cave Bear
The 9/11 Commission Report (2nd time through, graphic novel format this time, ip)
The Incredible Shrinking Man
New Moon
Breaking Dawn
Armageddon's Children
The Elves of Cintra
The Gypsy Morph
Animorphs #23: The Pretender
Animorphs #25: The Extreme
Animorphs #26: The Attack
Crucial Conversations
A Journey to the Center of the Earth
A Great and Terrible Beauty
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
Dandelion Wine
To Sir, With Love
London Calling
Watership Down
The Invisible
Alice in Wonderland
Through the Looking Glass
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
The Host
The Hunger Games
Catching Fire
Shadows and Strongholds
The Jungle Book
Beatrice and Virgil
The Help
Zion Andrews
The Unit
Quantum Brain
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
No One Ever Told Us We Were Defeated
Memento Nora
The Name of the Wind
The Terror
Tao Te Ching
What Paul Meant
Lao Tzu and Taoism
Libyan Sands
Sand and Sandstones
Lost Christianites: The Battles for Scripture and the Faiths We Never Knew
The Science of God
Calculating God
Great Contemporaries, by Winston Churchill
City of Bones
Around the World in 80 Days, by Jules Verne
Stranger in a Strange Land
The Old Man and the Sea
Flowers for Algernon
Au Bonheur des Ogres
The Martian
The Road to Serfdom
De La Terre � la Lune (ip)
In the Light of What We Know
Devil in the White City
The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August
Red Mars
How to Be a Good Wife
A Mote in God's Eye
A Gentleman in Russia
The Fatal Conceit: The Errors of Socialism
Seneca: Letters from a Stoic
The Juanes Module

Juanes just needed his own mod. Who can disagree.
My Window
Sunday. 8.14.05 2:48 pm

My window is open and it does not close anymore. I think the rain may have warped the wooden frame. It is cold in my room now, I hope I manage to close it before I have to leave for school, because after that I won't be home until Thanksgiving and it might snow in my room. I leave the window open because it keeps the room cool. I can hear the dogs well so if they're barking I can run downstairs and bring them in so they don't annoy the neighbors. Sometimes when there is a breeze it sweeps over my body softly, bringing the sweet smells of summer and the sound of the wind sweeping in great waves through the trembling leaves of the dogwood trees. It is best when it rains. The rain invokes a peculiar kind of sleep, one that is calm, deep, and somehow connected on a fundamental level to the quiet breathing of the Earth.
I also leave the window open so my room will feel alive. I had my bird Emerald for 8 years, as long as I had this room. When he died, my room was filled with unnatural stillness. The ambient bird warbling that formerly filled this empty space was suddenly gone. At first I had trouble sleeping, feeling like it was too quiet and there was something missing. It’s been a little more than two and half years now, and it still gets me when I open the door, I get that feeling like, “where’s the bird, is he still ok?” whenever I come into the room. There is no bird. The cage is gone, his spirit is gone from this place.
So I open the window so there will be life in my room

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Nice Guys Don't Always Finish Last
Saturday. 8.13.05 1:21 pm
I think at the top of the perfect husband list, even above straight and virile and all that should be "nice".
I recently met this guy named Ryan, and he is so very nice. If anyone was ever trying to pressure you to do anything (even in fun: ex. come and jump in the lake! come drink large quantities of alcohol!) and you showed hesitance, he would immediately break down and say something like, "You don't have to if you don't want to." (even if he was totally plastered, and he'd really mean it). He'd even defend you against the others if they were still pressuring you.
I get the impression that doing bad things wouldn't even occur to him, much less would he ever decide to do them. Once we were walking home and my friend called ahead only to hear the others complain that we were taking a long time. He explained to them that we were taking such a long time because Ryan hurt his ankle or something and we had to help him limp back home. They were very sorry that they were angry with us and we got underneath Ryan's arms to help him "limp" into view. He was so overcome with guilt at having part in this charade that he almost wouldn't do it, and he broke the act barely after we came into view. I was always of the mind that it would be way more funny if he played along- I do that kind of stuff all the time- and I didn't think the friend who made it up was in any way evil, but it was just interesting to meet somebody so opposed to deceiving others that it was hard for him to commit even this seemingly harmless sin.
I have sort of eclectic music tastes, but he doesn't call me a loser for liking nsync or enrique iglesias. I had been so used to a combination of laughing at myself awkwardly and/or defending "uncool" groups I love that it was a weird but relieving feeling to find somebody who didn't make fun of me.
I'm not saying I'm going to go and marry him, but somebody will, and what a blessing he will be to her life.
Most people don't mean to be mean when they make fun of their friends, and some people really like the back-and-forth. But I don't like it when somebody I'm friends with or especially dating makes fun of me all the time. I don't like it when somebody my friend is dating makes fun of them. From the outside I can see how that sort of thing deflates the weird person they have inside of them until they are nothing more than "cool". One of my friend's boyfriend's likes to make fun of my friend for what a nerd she is and how dumb all of her hobbies are... I think he just doesn't have any hobbies of his own and if he didn't criticize what she does, he wouldn't have anything to talk about at all.
Anyway, little things like that are what is really important to me. I was struck by the way my friend Phil would always get two place settings when we sat down to eat when we were sailing on the ship. I thought about how thoughtful that was, and after a while I tried to be more like that and if he was getting two place settings, I would bring two glasses of water or fruit punch. I wish I were more thoughtful, I just sometimes need some really thoughtful person around me to remind me by example that there are things I could be doing to be nice that I'm forgetting about.
I would trade a lot of good husbandly traits like, "totally hot" or "hilariously funny" or whatever for "nice".

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Friday. 8.12.05 9:56 pm
"There are those who do not believe that a single soul born in heaven can split into twin spirits and shoot like falling stars to earth where over oceans and continents their magnetic forces will finally unite them back into one. But how else to explain love at first sight?" - Don Juan DeMarco

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more warehouse ponderings
Thursday. 8.11.05 8:02 pm
soon we should be getting in some gym equipment. I mean balance beams, pommel horses, uneven bars... I wish we could set up one of each in the corner of the warehouse. If they had that in the corner I think I could be persuaded to actually take breaks. Right now I can't be persuaded because I don't smoke so if I take a break I just sit around doing nothing and start thinking about how nice it would be to go home and how much my legs hurt and how dirty I am. Best to just keep going like a wild person until the end of the day comes. In warehouse 2 we have schmirnoff's and some other equally fruity drinks. Since I've last worked we also got dozens and dozens of kegs of Guinness. Right now I'm trying to make a little space amid the boxes of fleece for all the Corona that is going to be coming in at the end of the month. I get to have a free fleece picnic blanket and some free fleece scarves and crap because "New York" (who we take our fleece orders from) can't be bothered to sort through it all and try and make full cases out of the leftover pieces. That's one thing I really like about warehouse work... you never know what the day will bring... last time I was there we spent the whole week drinking fine Italian spring water because some batch came in slightly under the standards of the company. Then there were the 48 fresh nutrolls I got last summer, the Nu-go bars we didn't know we weren't supposed to eat, trying to kill weeds and drown ant colonies in driveway salt, and that one day that the Bill Clark guy brought me a whole container of brownies with frosting he'd bought because I was leaving for school. Somehow the guinness kegs have never had a problem requiring me to take some of them off of the company's hands....

Today I used this forklift that has a safety feature that puts the machine into neutral if no one is sitting on the seat. That is very nice and all, except for the fact that when I drive it, all I have to do is lean to one side or look askance at the thing and it goes into neutral. Now I can't even lean over to see whether or not the edge of my pallet is going to hit something. Way to take a "safety feature" and use it to make everything I do way more unsafe.... My dad said I just "need a larger butt...weight". Speaking of my dad, I think he should give my aching back a massage.

coming up next: updated thoughts on the perfect husband...

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a happier, yet still in progress song this time
Tuesday. 8.9.05 10:06 pm
I want to take the way you make me feel and turn it into rainbow-colored chalk
I'll get a plastic bucket and store up quite a stock
I'll go outside and drag it all around the block
and write "I love you!" on every single sidewalk

I want to take that feeling and fold it into snowflakes
The kind you say you still like even though I make so many mistakes
I'll convince the Lord to snow them everywhere, it couldn't be that hard
And everyone will wake up to piles of happiness two feet deep in their front yard

I want to take that feeling I get whenever we talk
And add it as the newest feature to my bedside clock
It will be the greatest thing of all, a fantastic new creation
And I'll wake up hours early to watch it with anticipation

ooh the waaay you make me feeeel

yeah, for the most part it was a really boring day at the warehouse. Maybe by the end of the week I'll have a whole cd's worth. ;)

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Warehouse Wizards
Tuesday. 8.9.05 7:21 pm
HAHAhahhAhaa. Today we had to pull these containers full of road salt out of warehouse three, and Mark had put them way in the back behind like 10 truck loads of pallets... there wasn't even room to put the pallets if you wanted to dig them out... it would have taken like three days and ten trucks, hahahaha. So they think hey, I know, right in the back of the warehouse where the containers are (which weigh about 250lbs a piece, 6 per pallet, they need three pallets) there is a rail door that goes out to the railroad tracks. So they get in Mark's truck and drive around behind the building where Mark attempts to drive over the railroad tracks... but gets his truck stuck. The axle is literally scraping the rail. It is stuck stuck stuck. So, being geniuses, they go and get the forklift, which they are going to lift the truck up with so the front wheel can clear the rail. Does any of that sound like a terrible idea to anyone? Maybe the part about driving the forklift behind the building in the mud? maybe the part about trying to lift a TRUCk with a forKLIfT? maybe the part about how the forklift is a rental and if we misuse it in any way we buy it? yes, yes, they drove the forklift into the mud and it tried to lift out the truck and got horribly horribly and completely stuck, right next to the road so everyone driving by could see what a wonderful warehouse we were. Not to mention that it was threatening rain... not to mention that there was the remote possibility of a TRAIN COMING.... So anyway, they built a little ramp out of concrete pieces on either side of the rail so that the truck could finally get unstuck. The forklift wasn't so lucky, and they had to call a tow-truck. $130 later, our forklift is muddy but safe, the truck is sitting in the parking lot, and... you guessed it... the containers of salt are still whiling away the hours behind 10 truckloads of different kinds of road salt. Ah, but it's ok, because they are going to try. again. tomorrow. HAHAHAhahaHAHAHah.

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a country song from me to you
Monday. 8.8.05 10:45 pm

Since you left I've been so busy
So much to do I'm getting dizzy
But if you need some time I guess I could pencil you in
I've got my nose to the grindstone, my head in the game
It's probably the same for you and whats-her-name
Ain't it a crazy world that we live in?

Cause at 5 am I gotta wake up crying
From 6 to 8 I gotta feel like dying
Then hurt like hell til noon when I break for lunch
I'm really swamped from 1 til 3
Drowning in an ocean of memories
There's a mountain of regret to tackle in the 4 o'clock crunch
About that time the mail comes in
Nothing for me but junk again
At least its junk as opposed to nothing at all
Then I gotta rush home so I'm there when you don't call...

maybe my last entry can be the bridge.

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living a pathetic existence
Saturday. 8.6.05 11:12 pm
why are you here?
looking for me?
I'm in the same place I'll always be
lying on the floor, thinkin of you
(yeah, that's the same thing I always do)

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