Things haven't been.

I signed up in the fall for school. I was SO excited. I've waited so long and worked so hard to go back. What did I do? Throw my money at it and walk away. I'm so angry. I'm so disturbed.

Pri's Bachlorette party is tonight. I wish I could have gone. It's something that (should) only happen once. Once. All my friends gathered for one last horrah before pri gets married and starts popping out babies, buying houses, and I never hear from her again. Even though the party in and of itself sounded like it was going to be kind of lame - I would still have loved to go.

Work. I got a promotion - sounds great, right? It's more responsibility and hours which is great and wonderful - but it's also the exact same pay that I was working for before. So the hands of good fortune aren't exactly equalizing here.

Church. *sigh* It used to be somber. It used to be if you just did your thing and wasn't stupid everything was all good. Then it became kinda fun. Lots of fun actually, but it also came with alot of stipulations and expectations. It became about the individual inside the group rather than the individual in and of themself. I became disenchanted and distanced. Though still with a longing in my heart. Like a spurned lover who can't be near their other for the pain, but the pain apart is nearly if not just as bad.

All of this coupled with things that have been said to me recently. Things that have been pointed out about me have left me with this little..........cyst. I guess that's the best word for it. It's not terminal - it's not even all that big a deal (medically) - it's just annoying and won't go away easily. But it's this nagging feeling - this emotion that at the end of the day wakes up, turns around and latches on to me. As soon as I forget about it's weight, it adds a few pounds just to remind me of it's mere presence. It's this little cyst that reminds me: Of others. Of my childhood dreams. Of the things I lack. Of the things I'll never be.

I won't go into all the details. There's no real need. But, all of what I've said is just the tip of the iceberg. They're just the easiest chucks to understand, for me to write about even. There's so much more - so much depth. I'm not sure if even talking about any of it will solve anything. It might just pour lemon juice on sores.

I had a plan once upon a time ago.
It's still here, bound in leather and kept safe near my side.
But, it's edges are starting to yellow. I wonder how long it'll be before the print begins to fade.

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ok, first things first - New Playlist!! yay!

Secondly, I got a promotion at work! HELLS-TO-THE-YEA! I'm still working at the museum - but my little area (the concession stand/resturant) is going to be subleased to this mega huge corperation called Sodexo. So, still IN the museum, but working for Sodexo. She ( Rebecca my new boss ) made me the offer last friday right before I left back home. It'll be full time and I'm *probably* going to get a raise. It shall be AWESOME.

Thirdly, I went home (as stated above) and it was AWESOME. lol, I went home for a bridal shower. One of my friends from High School is getting married January 9th. The Bridal party consists of ALL of my High School girls. We've all been friends for 9 years the newest of us to 11 years to the oldest of us. I was a little worried at first, since I haven't seen Pri (the bride) in over 2 years but as soon as I saw her - it was like magic. This....magic kind of glue when you're around people that you're so close to and have shared so much that there isn't any akward ness. I guess these girls are like my family. :)! The trip was short lived however. Left friday, shower on Sat., returned to work Sun. bleh.

and on a last and not so nice note - the cats have fleas. The house has fleas. It's icky. But, we're going to spray/bathe the cats all between today and tomorrow. so DIE FLEA SCUM DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

To end on a happier note:
yesterday had a 'friend day' Ana and Jesus came over. I went shopping with the boys for halloween decorations and when we came back the girls made a steak dinner while the boys played capcom vs. Marvel 2. I'm excited about Halloween. I'm going as a bunny. Not a playboy bunny, but a bunny in a sweatsuit with a pink tummy and fuzzy slippers.

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I've been compared to Mulan more than once in my life.

It seems as though there are patches of life coming upon me in which i'm going to have to make some decisions.
I just hope I can tap into this:

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saw an episode last night by mistake. I don't think I'm ever going to miss one ever again.

*sigh* I wish I'd had GLEE club in high school.


Premise (sp?): She likes him. He tells her he's in love with someone else. He looks longingly past her at the tall (v. handsome) guy 3 cars down. She turns to follow his eyesight and sees a girl 2 cars down (who of course just stepped into view). She turns back to look at him - and this happens............

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