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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Meow . Meow .. Meow ............
Monday, April 19, 2010
Just imagining renaye meowing on a do re mi basis in the title. And that is what this entry is all about.

I have missed choir practice for a few times but I do know there is a performance the choir is invited to perform along with the seniors. The performance is in May and I have like 15 days to practice but the truth is I don't know the song. HAHA. Ironic or not doesn't really bother me because I can just learn to sing all songs by ear, if my tone deafness is not that bad.

I went for practice last Sunday and I was quite bitter about the practice. I was given 2 new music scripts, which we will be performing in May. It's both in Chinese. Never mind that I have to write pinyin on the lyrics and memorise it which is no problem to me at all, but I think I was confused between crying and laughing. I looked at the script and the music notes stared back at me. There is no music background for the members to listen and to sing along. It was purely singing by the notes; it's what we called sight reading: you sing as you read the music notes like you play piano as you read the notes. The only thing I was frustrated was I don't know how to read the music notes and what's more I don't know how the music notes sound. Yes I do know how to read the music notes but I don't remember how it sounds like. If I see a note, I know it's B and then G and then on and on. But I get confuse when I have to sing the notes Ti to So to La and on and on ... I can't maintain the sound.

I'm not too sure if I'm the only one having this problem. I don't know if other members are having this problem because most of us are very new members like me. And there was no training to read these notes. As I said, reading is not a problem it's just the solfege for me. I can self learn but there will be no one telling me what is right or wrong! I want to learn to sing the songs given but so not able to...

And always when I'm there I don't really join in the solfege because I can't really hear the notes well. So I have to listen to the whole song first before joining the others. And then struggle if I were singing the right note. HAHA.

But last Sunday during the combination with the seniors, I really enjoyed the practice because the seniors has a conductor, and I enjoyed listening to the conductor's comment, though I don't really understand mandarin. How I miss the choir back in NZ. I missed how the conductor taught the newbies in singing and I had so much fun. I think God must have been kind to me because I nearly bitch about my unhappiness to the leader of alto before combining with the seniors. I was glad I didn't, but I was in tears of frustration. I was a second close to exploding.

Later I told another senior from my group about not getting the solfege right. She also shared the same experience with me but I received no assurance that things would get better except I got the hint that I don't know how to sing is because I didn't do my homework. Though I agree with the senior that solfege is important because we will get to sing with accuracy but there is lack of support to juniors and for once I really felt like threading over water. I don't even feel that in my work place. And yet I feel like that in the choir. I feel so sad. I told the senior and the leader that I will just write the lyrics on a piece of paper and remember the tunes in my head... they went gag and tell me No No No. I could not care less if you want me to sing in May. Time is running out and I have no other choice to learn up the song. Though we often sing the solfege together I just could not get it.

For god sake, can't these leaders think and know what are the learning styles of other people?! I just want to be good .. I want to be able to lend my voice for the group. Damn it!

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Thursday, April 15, 2010
I'm now watching a documentary on survivors of animal killers. It's horrible to try to imagine myself being a survivor of an animal killing. It's hard to shrug off this feeling knowing there's a 50-50 chance that I could be in this situation. I don't need to be in an animal killing. It could be terrorist attack, robbery and what's not....

This world is not safe. Living in my own house is also not safe.

So where is safe?

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Thou smile
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Recently, the newspapers in Malaysia had a write up on a local star who is now trying to break into the Japanese music industry. And so I know she is not that pretty compared to me. HAHA. Everyone is beautiful by the way... And I realised the newspapers didn't show their expertise on this write up. We all know newspaper editorial team will edit pictures to what they want the readers to see, but how come they didn't whiten her teeth? The first thing I noticed on the write up was how yellowish her teeth were in the picture. Poor babe. She looks so adorable and squishy in the picture and the only thing that stood out the most was her yellowish perfected teeth.

And ... I found out there is a Japanese group that has great singles and yet never shown their face in public as the team members are working as dentists. How nice. They are able to sell music without showing their face... I also want to do that!

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Unexpected holiday
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Missing me, anyone?! Chap 2
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Yes I know I have been missing quite unusually. I wanted to update as soon as I can but caught up with stress and frustration over life.

Last weekend, I spent my time with Jolenesiah in Penang. I did a lot of things which skyrocketed my credit card bills - unexpectedly. First.... I took a public bus from a lawyer's firm office to Gurney Plaza. My mother and I were in the middle of Macalister road. And we know the shopping mall is damn near to where we are. My mother insisted of going by taxi but I refused because taxi drivers in Penang still not using meters, if I'm not mistaken. And it's damn near, what the heck? And my friend from KL informed me that the public bus in Penang is very convenient and very punctual so why not give the buses a chance? So we went to the bus stop wanting to ask for directions but a bus suddenly appeared. I asked does it go to Gurney Plaza and that bus driver in that rickety bus said yes. Not knowing what the hell we were doing, my mother and I hopped into the bus with our luggage. And tried to see where we were... 5 minutes later, we were told to walk on a canopy lane ... we could not see where the lane leads us to but we continued walking because many people were walking on the lanes, and they were speeding with high heels. So we followed and at last, we saw Gurney Plaza!

Then we checked into a 5 star hotel called Equatorial Hotel in Bukit Jambul. The hotel is on a hilltop, which is 10 mins away from Jolene's house. 5 star hotel for a 5 star experience? My ass. The moment I stepped into the hotel, I was given uninformed decision. I booked a single room with twin beds which cost RM235 under a weekend retreat package. This package includes RM80 food allowance. I bought a voucher worth Rm300 and I was informed that the extra from the voucher will be added to my food allowance. So when I asked the staff, they said no such thing because the voucher is not exchangeable for food. But I was told differently by 3 people from the sales dept who had assured me that the hotel staff will know what to do when they see my vouchers. Never mind since they said they will get back to me. Then I went up to the room, took some random naughty pictures and found an envelope lying on the floor informing me my bill has changed from RM235 to RM255. Angered and called up the receptionist and was told RM255 was not a mistake. I on the other side of the phone cursing that I was charged RM235. And I demanded who the hell charged RM255. The receptionist said they were charging according to the bill given. I said it cannot be because my invoice in my email stated otherwise. The receptionist demanded for proof. So I went down to get my 15 minutes complimentary internet. And I was told I need to pay RM2 for a printout. Pissed off because I cannot forward that invoice to the reception counter. Never mind, I printed. And showed the amount. They looked at the RM235 and explained to me they will revert to RM235. I gave them cold answer that booking twin bed doesn't mean I will be staying in with someone else and spotting someone with me doesn't mean that person will be staying with me. Next, I demanded to know what happened to the balance of the voucher. I was explained that the balance could not be given to me in cash terms so the extra will cover whatever the RM80 cannot cover. Again, the staff got hit by me. It was a plain stupid answer because the salespersons who sold the vouchers to me painted a picture that I will SEE more than RM80 in my food allowance bill when the truth is it doesn't. The salesperson should have explained that to me beforehand.

Later at night, Jolenesiah came over to fetch my mum and I to Queensbay Mall to do some exercise before eating. HAHA. Leisure sports we termed it. =) Being a freeloader, I exercised my skills in getting free samples with the translation help from Jolenesiah. HAHA. Then we returned to the hotel.

We went to Kampachi, the famous Japanese restaurant in the hotel, but seriously, I find the menu a little plain or rather limited, or maybe I just don't know much about Japanese culinary, except I only know the price is damn pricey. I don't think a high class Japanese restaurant in Kuala Lumpur is as expensive as the hotel. I ought to check out Rakuzen in Chulan Square. And the three of us were hungry by the next hour. Luckily, we were saved by a coffee house which served wonderful cakes for 50% after 9pm. We went into the French dining restaurant too, but it looked too posh for us to step even further. Later at 10.30 pm, I dragged Jolenesiah to a pub which is rather low class for a hotel. The singers sucks and damn loud when there were only 8 customers (including us) inside. And my cocktail sucks; not enough of orange juice in the screwdriver.

But seriously ... it was my first time in aeon to be able sleep so soundly in a hotel ... the pillow is soooo comfy ... I feel like crawling back there to sleep. No sight of dead roaches or spirits... what a relief.

The next day, I called up for a taxi to airport and an extension for check out. And my mother had a date with her girlfriends. I dated myself in the hotel's Chinese restaurant which sent me filling out their comment card with complains. Don't know if the staff burn the form. Later, I went to the reception to cancel my airport taxi but learned a booking was never made for me. Thank god, mum's friends were taking us to airport. And also later, I found out there were shuttle buses to shopping malls and airports from the hotel, but we were not told. I was pissed, but pissed too late.

And finally met Jolenesiah for the last time to collect my food from her cottage industry. And flown back to KL with Firefly. I pretty like this small midget plane because it provides free drinks and muffins to passengers with such dirt cheap air ticket price. My air ticket was only RM40 per way.

To be frank .... I now don't feel like going to work tomorrow. I had no more motivation to work anymore. I just want to shower in a pool of moolah. Well, it's a long story. Tell you next time.

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More than the food I can chew
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I ran out of money to be frank, and I was seriously thinking of ways of getting free food. The internal seminars were not providing lunch, and my gentleman colleague was nowhere to be found. I had a grim thought of buying lunch from somewhere. But in the end, I told myself just to be thick-skinned and attended an award seminar opposite my building. Simply because the food served seemed to be a lot, surely causing leftovers.

I attended the seminar with a colleague, sitting right in front of the number one position in the whole company who was giving a speech. I sat and counted the seconds to lunch.

And the sheer surprise took place...

After the speech, it was the time for giving out awards. Name after name was called out and some of my colleagues won. I knew they won because they announced a few months ago. My group also applied for the award, but we didn't receive any notice so we thought we didn't win. And so me sitting while shaking my legs in the lecture theater had my heart leaped out into my mouth when I heard my boss's name been called out. I know my boss submitted two applications for the award so I thought his other application won, but later the emcee called out my name too. I became small at that instance. I didn't know whether to go out and collect the award or not ... and my colleague was patting on my shoulder hoping she could bring me back to reality. My bosses were already lining up for the award. I was like stunned. I asked out loud if I should go to. I didn't what I was thinking but I went to collect the award! And the person could not find my cert. It took her a ripe of 10 counts to locate my cert and that 10 counts created an awkward silence. Everyone is hawking their eyes on and so were the two cameramen.

At last I got mine! I was pretty surprised. Never thought I would not only get free lunch but also an award! I display the award daintily on my small drawers. No one who enters my room will fail to see that award.

But so what with the award? I was so demotivated to work since this morning. I had this strong voice telling me from the inside that it's sick of doing admin work. And so it ruined my mood for the day. Because of that, I got scolded by boss about my mistakes in my work. She was telling me she doesn't have time to do corrections. Well, welcome to my world.

I'm still having chest pain. I'm just tired of work. I'm sure I will be complaining like hell when I have lots of money, so is now with no money.

What kind of life does God want me to live?

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