A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence
"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"
"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation
"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes
"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics
Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Eat That Toast!
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius
Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Robbie and Bobby
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Yellow Peril (PG-13)
Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing
Meat and Plastic
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
YU + ME
Pure Flash Awesomeness
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
Clients from Hell
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Now all I want to do is sleep
Friday, April 4, 2014
It's been a long day. Took care of babies from 9:15 to 11:50 this morning, then had lunch with my dad. I told him it was hard to have a partner who was always negative but expects you to be positive and happy. My now-ex used to get angry at the smallest things and he would rant and get upset and I had to try to calm him down. My dad told me that once, in the summer after he graduated high school (in the 70s), he went on a date with a certain girl for the first time, and he accidentally forgot the tickets to the show they were going to. He got very upset and was freaking out, but she was calm about it and reasonable and told him to just turn the car around and they'd go back and get the tickets. "She was like you," he said.
Then he told me that in 1986 his brother told him that she had gotten married a year earlier. My dad was happy for her, because he had long since gotten over her. Then, his brother told him, six months later, she got a gun and shot herself.
My dad doesn't know why she did it. Something must have been wrong with the marriage, he thinks, but he never got to ask her family or anyone.
I answered my first calls on the crisis hotline today. I had some really tough ones... but I think I got through them okay. The first call I answered involved suicide. So... that was interesting. The girl I was shadowing was really nice and friendly. I liked her a lot.
After my shift, my parents picked me up and we went to dinner at a nearby Italian restaurant. My dad was worried it was going to be a fancy restaurant, but it was actually really casual, kind of like an Olive Garden. My mom wanted to eat a bunch of pasta to carb load for the bike race she's doing tomorrow. I think she said it was 62 miles long. She actually didn't eat that much pasta, though. Neither did I, I guess. I haven't been eating a whole lot lately in general. Mostly just sleeping or staring at the computer screen.
Tomorrow night I'm supposed to go out with some friends from class for a girls' night. I think we're going to a gay bar so we can dance and not get hit on.
I guess my good thing for today is that I got to have a nice dinner out with my parents and a nice lunch with my dad. I don't know if I can really say those things made me happy, but they were good.
I'll start with the good things
Thursday, April 3, 2014
I made a new friend in a chatroom. And Kyle is out of the hospital.
Nothing else good happened today.
Not sure what to say for today
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
I guess my good thing for today is that my mom bought me some cheese straws from the grocery store.
I'm worried he might become an alcoholic. It just sounds like he isn't coping very well with things and he doesn't really have friends he can turn to. I'm frustrated that I can't do anything. He doesn't want me in his life anymore (or at least right now...), and there isn't a whole lot I can do indirectly. :\ People keep telling me I shouldn't care so much but like... Just because I broke up with someone doesn't mean I totally stop caring with them. As upset as I was with Kyle when we broke up in 2010, I was still very concerned for him when he had to go to the hospital, and just in general because Crohn's is a lifelong disease. Why would it be any different with someone else?
Lucy is trying to help and I'm glad for that. Jasper is... eh... I don't know what he's doing. I don't think he really knows how to help.
Motto-type things (Life reminders):
-Nothing lasts forever (This too shall pass)
-The best revenge is to live a happy life (Whoever hurt you has no power over you)
-It could always be/get worse (Have perspective)
I'm not really fond of posting this kind of "inspirational" "this helps me, try it out" stuff, but I think keeping these things in mind has been helpful to me. I feel like I have become much more... resilient to bad things in the past few years, in some ways. I don't know if it has to do with being smart or having a very deep but subtle sense of optimism, or what. I don't really know where these motto-type things came from. The last one is kind of just around, but I'm not sure where I picked up the other ones, if I got them from somewhere else. Maybe I just realized them at some point?
With the revenge one, I feel like... if someone does something to intentionally hurt you, the best thing you can do is show them that they are inconsequential to you and their actions are meaningless. Obviously that doesn't apply to someone who like, murders your family or something, but within the realm of realistic/likely things, I think it applies to most of the things where people want to get revenge. Like... it's just better to put your energy into doing things that make you feel better than to spend time plotting how to get back at someone. That just makes them important and increases their power over you. And anyway it hurts people more to feel like they're meaningless and powerless. So I'm not completely saying "ignore them and be happy!" If they're bad people they'll feel bad, and if they're good people then they'll just be happy for you, I think. I don't know how well this would apply to other people's lives but I guess within the scope of my own experience it usually works out pretty well.
Gala dress [2P]
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
A bad coincidence...
Monday, March 31, 2014
When I broke up with Kyle he went to the hospital not long after.
Well, he's in the hospital again. >_< And it's roughly the same amount of time after I had a breakup.
It would be really terrible if every time I broke up with someone he had to go to the hospital. He might have to get surgery this time, he isn't sure yet. If he does, it might prevent him from having to go through a lot of pain again? I'm not sure. He wouldn't be able to eat for a couple months if he had it though.
I don't really have any actual "happy" things for today... I guess I'm glad that Romeo seems to be feeling okay. And we got rain, which we need. And... I took a shower? After not taking a shower for awhile? Showers feel the best when you haven't had one for awhile.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
I FINISHED THE GROUP PROJECT AGH FINALLY
I rewrote everybody else's part (roughly ten pages), but at least it's done.
I better get a goddamn A on this project.
Anyway my happy thing for today is that I'm done. I'm DONE.
Before this I didn't really have a happy thing and all I was going to say was that I ate some olives and they tasted good.
Close enough to a good thing
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Well, I finished MY part for this group project. But none of my group members are done with theirs, and it's almost 11 PM and the project is due tomorrow. :(
But I finished my part, so that's my good thing for today. :T
Once everybody is done... whenever that is... I'm going to edit their parts and write an abstract for our paper and email it to our professor.
After that, my break will truly start. I'm so, so, so, SO done with this quarter. I just want to be able to play games and hang out with people and maybe wallow in depression a little bit.
I had a dream this morning but I only remember parts of it because my parents knocked on my door to ask me if I wanted biscuits.
In it, I was at a big amusement park of some sort, running away from somebody bad... there was someone with me whom I cared about, but I don't know who it was. I think it was just a dream person, not someone I know in real life... I suggested we run toward the section of the park that bordered the ocean, and headed in that direction. I guess my companion didn't follow me, because when I got there I was alone. I didn't have much time, so I quickly climbed down a rock outcropping and hid on a secret ledge just above the water. The bad people showed up shortly after and couldn't find me. Once the coast was clear I edged around the ledge in an attempt to get back up and go somewhere else, but all the handholds I had been using dislodged when I grabbed them. They were bigger rocks only held together by some rough wet sand and pebbles, and they couldn't support the weight of my attempts to hoist myself back up. The rock had all been solid when I climbed down... I did manage to get back to the top though, only to discover that my companion had abandoned me. Not only that, but he had never actually been on my side, I realized. He was just pretending to help me and run with me and was working for the bad people...
Welp, Nutang logged me out while I was typing an entry
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Sooo... that entry was lost.
I will try to quickly rewrite it.
This was pretty much the only thing that made me smile today:
But I also found this and thought it was beautiful.
I think I am feeling "depressed" to some degree but I'm only using that term because it makes sense to other people.
Me: I don't even know how to describe my emotions right now
Me: Well, in any meaningful way at least.
Me: It's sort of like I'm lying on a bed in a cheap motel room and everybody outside is dead.
Kyle: that is one of the most depressing images i've had. [heard?]
Um, I need to finish my last assignment but I'm feeling bleh again.
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