I’ve been eating so much lately, and not caring about gaining weight. I don’t know why exactly. I do have a new beau in my life, and part of me thinks it’s my own idea that “well, now that someone likes me for me, I don’t have to try so hard!”

I hate that I care less about my appearance based on what other people think of me. I should want to be fit for myself. I should want to look good for myself. I should eat healthy to make myself feel good. I should workout because it makes me feel good. I don’t want to lose myself, but I somehow tend to, when I’m with someone else.

Lately, my actions have not been in line with my goals for myself. And I need to align my actions with my goals.

Before I can do that, I have to remind myself of my goal:

My goal is to be the best me I can possibly be every single day. That means be kind to myself and to others. It means finding time to care for myself, and the people/dogs that I love. It means making food that will ultimately make me smile, but not feel bloated over later. It means listening to my body when it’s full, and listening to myself when I need some me time. It means working out because it feels good. It means journaling everyday, or as needed to keep me in check and in line. It means not losing myself or what I desire to do in life. It means professionally developing my career. It means focusing on me and filling my own cup. Once I do that, I can give to others freely.

These days, I’ve been loving myself less. And I need to love me to be happy. I plan to journal everyday to help me recenter myself. I want to engage in activities that spark joy in me. I’m gonna meal prep and make food that is healthy and delicious too. I want to go back to intermittent fasting and eating when I need to. I just want to be me again.

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I’m very content with my life right now and how it’s going.

I feel like everyday, I’m closer to being the person I’ve always wanted to be. I think it’s mostly because I continue to put my needs first before other people.

It sounds selfish, but it’s not. You can’t pour out of empty cup. And even if you do pour out of it, you feel depleted. Self care is so important.

I’m 28 years old now. I feel like a late bloomer in life. Like, I am finally learning who I am now. I’m getting more comfortable in my skin. I’m letting friendships and relationships go that don’t build me up as a person. I’m surrounding myself with lovely people. I’m eating healthier in general, running again, and going to hip hop class as much as possible. I also bought a book to read about the Paleo diet and see if that’s a good fit for my lifestyle.

I’m still partying though lol, don’t know when or if I will ever give that up haha.

I’m just happy, and it feels good. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have bad days. But I choose to make them better. I’m a much better nurse these days because I am choosing myself, and giving to myself. I also have a crush on someone, but I’m choosing to let that go for my own sake, and for my own growth.

I’m happy, because I’m happy with who I am now, and who I am becoming.

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