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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Thursday. 1.20.11 3:27 am
today's feel like sunday. i have to remember that i'm having a meeting tonight at 9.30 pm and i dread that it will end at 2-ish in the morning and i have to go to work the next day.

i have been doing nothing much lately today, but just reflecting on life. i was just taking a pause in the life trail. i realised i have to be strong because i have many friends relying on me for support. but sometimes i wonder how strong i can be...

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What have I done?!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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Joke from the grave
Thursday, January 13, 2011
I shared with my colleagues that I can see spirits. And I have seen some spirits shadows in the office. And they all got terrified. HAHAHAHA.

My Muslim colleagues told me to tell them horror stories on Fridays because it's the day where the spirits visit their family members and the survivors will say a prayer for the deceased specifically on these days.

And I went "Wow. Your deceased members come and visit you guys every Friday, which is much better than the Chinese when they are only allowed to visit once a year."

The Muslim colleagues laughed like hyenas.

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Killing again
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I know I'm very vocal, but I also hope that I won't scare people away with my outspoken character. But I think I speak my mind at the right time and the right place. Hopefully. *cross fingers*

Early this morning, a primary friend asked me to meet up with him next week since he will be in the city for some business appointments. I didn't accept or decline. I replied instead "How can you guarantee you will show up this time?" Well, I think I don't have to explain much what happened the last time we set up an appointment.

Then his reply was "Oh, I will show up this time." It was not convincing at all. So I repeated that he didn't show up at our appointment at 7 pm. His reply was the dumbest: "Oh, you look mad. I will make up to you."

I didn't think twice before blowing up in his face via Facebook chat. I told him that I cannot trust his words because he didn't show up for our appointment. For the first appointment, I waited at his hotel lobby for one hour, and he didn't show up. The funny thing was he told me he was staying at that hotel, but when I checked with the receptionist I was told there was no such guest on that day or even before that. Strange, but I kept on waiting, and kept calling his mobile phone every 5 minutes. I was pretty mad by the half hour of waiting, but I can't blame him because I decided to meet up at a restaurant that is surrounded by jam in the evening. (HAHA, but it's just next to the hotel he 'was' staying). Until the end of my stoic waiting of one hour, I finally able to get him, and he told me his car broke down somewhere at his relatives house (and waiting for the mechanic), and his phone battery died. Hearing his predicament, I didn't blame him and canceled the appointment. But I thought he could have inform me somehow...

What made me distrust him is because of our second appointment. I remembered very clearly that I reminded him in the morning of our appointment. He said he remembered and was looking forward to our appointment. And so I was at our appointment venue, which was downtown city at 7 pm. 30 minutes before 7, I called his mobile phone repeatedly, but he didn't answer. Then I recalled he will be meeting some supplier before meeting me, so I stopped calling, but I text-ed him. And received no reply. I prayed that this time he will show up earlier. I kept calling him but he didn't answer though there was a dial tone. Of course, his-not-showing-up-in-previous-appointment kept flashing in my brain, but I kept it down by consoling myself that I trust him. I sensed something amiss after waiting until 7.30 pm. I called up his hotel and asked for his name. The receptionist told me he has checked out. My eyes bulged. And I kept telling myself that he may be coming over from his relative house somewhere in KL. And so I kept telling myself that he is on the way... I think I called up the hotel again, and I don't remember what I asked the hotel staff, but all I knew was he has returned to Penang. Or maybe my intuition told me that. But fuzzily, I remembered making a few calls to the hotel and asking questions about the guest.

YEA, he made an appointment with me on the day he returned to his house in Penang. Not after our appointment, but BEFORE. Knowing this, I was so livid that I could just swallow people around me.

Never mind that. He didn't even bother to explain about his disappearance when he was online on Facebook. He didn't even reply messages about that appointment, as though it never happened.

And he now wants to make another appointment with me? Is he kidding me? I have thought of making it and not showing up. I actually joked with another friend that he changed his mind meeting up with me because I was not pretty enough, because the last time I saw him was in a major shopping mall with a beautiful girl with makeup. And I weren't. But seriously, this is not related at all.

I told him about the whole event of our second appointment from how I found out he has checked out from the hotel to how he never explained why he never showed up for the second appointment.

I told him straight into the face that as a businessman it would be very easy to understand that time = money. By not showing up, he wasted my time and money. I added if he thinks his time is precious, my time is as precious as his. And it's useless to make up to me, because I want result. (Of course, I won't see the result since I decided not to meet up)

To close my speech, I asked "So tell me how can you guarantee you will show up this time?"

He went offline. HA!

To be frank, I don't even want to meet up with this kind of people. I may sound cruel or not giving chance or even not understanding, but there's a technology called mobile phone, which enables us to contact other people not to keep in the museum or as an expired Christmas present for a grandchild. It's just so rude not to inform whether you can attend the appointment or not.

I dislike irresponsible people. Is it so hard to explain why you can't come? If you got no handphone, can use email right? Or snail mail right? Or leave a message on facebook. Is that so hard? Well, if you got none of the following, then please learn telepathy.

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Pictures = betrayal
Monday, January 3, 2011
There is one thing I dislike about facebook is the photo album division. Funny. I don't have any problems in uploading photos whatsoever. On the contrary, I don't like certain photos uploaded by my friends on facebook. Simply because I can see - from the photos - whether I'm invited to gatherings and events or not.

On one occasion, a friend I got to know back in college came back to Kuala Lumpur for Christmas holiday. She is actually one of the staff in my college, who took care of the Malaysian students when were still 'kids'. So we have quite a close relationship with her. And apparently, one of my collegemates organised a dinner gathering with this staff with other collegemates in a shopping mall. I was angry when I saw the picture taken during their dinner on facebook. Simply because I was not in the photo.

Wait ... wait .... hang on. Listen to my explanation. What I mean is how come I'm not invited to have dinner with that staff? I'm also quite close to her. But the good question is if I'm close to her, how come I don't have her contact? But the other collegemates in the photo also don't have her contact. What is your point, renaye?

Fine. I know I was not invited to a previous gathering for one of my collegemates who was returning to Malaysia from Japan for good. In the photo, every collegemate I know attended the gathering, even my good collegemate friend who is always 'missing' in life was there! All except for me. I was kind of furious, but I let it passed because I had a fight with that collegemate who came back from Japan.

And just now ... my collegemate uploaded a photo of her New Year gathering on facebook. It's a no big deal, but all collegemates were in the photo except for me?! And I didn't even know about it? After checking out the photos, I raced to my mailbox to check if I received any invitation, but none. And the title of the photo album made me sick (or sad): New Year gathering with my (college name) gang. Right. I mis-deciphered. The title can be interpreted as 'her gang from my college' not everyone in particular.

So? My point is? I seriously don't know. I just thought it's just not nice to invite everyone from my college and leaving me out. Am I hurt? hmm.. just mediocre. HAHA.

But there was one point it saddened me to see every collegemate in a photo except for my face. I felt a little hurt when I went through the New Year gathering album on facebook, but my subconscious mind told me: I also had my share of fun. To be frank, I did have my share of fun. I'm always meeting new people and adding new people on facebook, and my friends uploaded photos of me on facebook. In the photos, I was smiling with them.

So what more can I ask for? God has given me opportunities to make new memories with new people. I have wonderful memories with my collegemates, but life just goes on. I now have friends who think alike as me. What more can I ask for?

And if their photos saddened me, there's also a possibility of them feeling sad or mediocre after seeing my photos on facebook.

In short, I also have had my share of fun. And will always have ...

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New Year
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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