So how lame were the lame Teen Choice Awards? Pretty lame. I can't believe that, as a teen, I used to vote on this show. I stopped after a couple of years when I realized no one I picked won, and that it's just a huge popularity contest (duh, Lily, why didn't you figure that out sooner???).

This year was the first time I'd seen it in a while. Everything is still the same. Basically, the celebrities that are there will win. Oh no, I figured out the secret! Seven years ago!

I wonder how much money the bikini-clad chicks were paid for sitting in what appeared to be tepid and stagnant hot-tub water -- at least, it only seemed to be tepid and stagnant for the first half of the show. That was lame, too.

The saddest part of the show wasn't Kevin Federline's debut performance, surprisingly (don't worry, it's second), but Brooke Hogan, who easily spent the longest time up on the podium because she was discussing and thanking everyone from her fans to her family (father) for winning best grill. The fact that she seemed genuinely sincere to win a surfboard for best superfluous braces and the fact that "best grill" even exists as a category is tragic to mankind. The fact that the cameraman and producers seemed to ignore Brooke's come-hither gestures for a closer look at her busted teeth gives me a little hope, however.

The only good parts I remember: Jensen Ackles and Jessica Alba. Wouldn't they make the prettiest babies, and have the best interchangeable monogrammed towels ever?
23:55

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The idea of 220+ foreign dignitaries within a ten-mile radius of myself brings warm feelings to my heart. And my pants.

My mom's new show is "The Herbalist's Manual." Lollerskates.

Edit: Uh also I saw part of the hearing for Judge John Roberts. He's articulate but beats around the bush.
22:48

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

There is nothing on and I'm semi-watching One Tree Hill. I had vowed to myself I would never watch it, but maybe I was being unfair? After all I had only seen seconds of it here and there. I thought, it might not make me want to rip my eyeballs out. So, I'm gonna kill myself now.
20:46

I like 24. I haven't seen all the episodes, but it's pretty easy to get into it even if I start watching in the middle of an episode. I know the gist of what happened each season. Why am I so excited for this particular day, though?? Return of Elisha Cuthbert? Re-emergence of C. Thomas Howell??? Kiefer-love reaching uncharted territory????

As for the first half of the "premiere event":
HOLY SHIT
Oh. No. They. Didn't.

Top Thirty Jack Bauer Facts

1. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
2. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
3. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
4. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man. *dies of laughter*
5. Children don't believe in Santa anymore because they know Jack Bauer killed him. The few people that believe in Santa know that Jack Bauer is torturing him.
6. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
7. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
8. Don't ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar...you don't wanna know...
9. Jack Bauer's gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack fucking Bauer.
10. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
11. If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're fucked.
12. If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.
13. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
14. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
15. Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
16. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
17. Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
18. While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
19. David Spade always says 'yes' to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.
20. If Jack Bauer had been on Oceanic 815 there would no Lost.
21. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
22. Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.
23. Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
24. As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
25. Jack Bauer can sneeze with his eyes open.
26. Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
27. Jack Bauer shouldn't be compared to Jesus. Jack rose from the dead not once, but twice.
28. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
29. Jack Bauer hates casual conversation. He prefers bullets.
30. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
- source
01:03

Why is an upcoming Smallville episode featuring the nascent Justice League making me somewhat excited for the show again? Probably because of Fox Crane and Cassidy Casablancas, if anyone knows what I'm talking about.

Fox Crane and Cassidy Casablancas in the Justice League
16:47

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