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      <title>NuTang.com | renaye's weblog</title>
      <link>http://renaye.nutang.com/</link>
      <description>A blog written by renee l.</description>
      <language>en-us</language>
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      <managingEditor>renee l</managingEditor>
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	     <title>Reflection for 07, 08, 09 (Wednesday, January 7, 2009)</title>
	     <link>http://renaye.nutang.com/comment_85158/</link>
	     <description><![CDATA[I started off 2009 by reflecting on life from 2007 to 2008, seriously. And my chest is cooked with all kind of feelings, you name it, guilt, sadness, happiness and other dishes. It was not easy for me to revisit my things to do list that I created way back from high school and college and the graduation in 2005. And also the promises I made to myself when I was unemployed in 2006. It was this heaviness that lingers in my chest - it started from Christmas 2008 until now - that made me realised - also trying to escape from the fact - that I have been mucking around for 2 years doing nothing. Though I have accomplished some of the things I wanted to do but the process of so doing is slow. I could have speed up!!! That was the first realisation. 

The second realisation really slaps me in the face yesterday, which is inevitable. I decided to update my resume and looking at it it was extremely pathetic. So what if I'm armed with a degree with distinction when I read my current descriptions... I hate to come the realisation that my current job is not going to take me anywhere. If I don't change I would still be the same in the same position in the company and getting the same pay. And I'm hungry for progress while everyone in the office are extremely comfy in their seats. Recently I also realised my spirit of completing assignments given by my boss has died. I used to go all out to do them; I don't even mind going extra mile to get something done but not until December 2008 where I was told off indirectly &quot;We don't appreciate your extra hard work.&quot; It's just so sad; I could still feel the excitement inside me after finishing the assignments and I still remember asking my boss if I have anything else to do in December 2006! But today... I don't feel the passion anymore in me. I still have another assignment to work on but I keep on telling myself why do when no one in the office appreciates the hard work? It somehow dawns on me that my job doesn't need my brain so why am I needed for the job? Because of my two hands? Never mind.

Apart of that, I could feel my colleagues have been avoiding conversations with me. I welcome the silence though but I would appreciate moe courtesy and professionalism. Recently a colleague resigned and she passed the key to another colleague who comes to office 10 minutes after 9 and go home 10 minutes before 5, leaving me waiting for 40 minutes outside of the office for another colleague to open the office. Another colleague today got the cheek to tell me she doesn't know who will come to collect the newspaper so she is going to give away the newspaper to the cleaner. It's been always the recycling guy comes and collects. So what do you mean by that? Today I finally realised it is time to change into a new environment. My heart doesn't care anymore about the office ever since I was called the paper thief on 22 September 2008, and been advised to not inflict [yes i used this word because it's like the golden rule: don't inflict your sufferings onto other people] environmental teachings onto other people.  It's just I pity myself so much for being shrouded by these kind of people. Oh I forgot to include this same colleague who gave me the wisdom refuses to tell me how much leaves I have for 2009. 

And funnily suddenly my horoscope states that I should be thinking of a new environment and another article [I think Godsend] pointed out explicitly that people like me SHOULD be changing job. Yes I am now thinking of doing so. And yesterday I ask god to give me miracle and yes I had like 3 today but no use because I don't fit the requirements [related to something I like and want to do in future life]!! And I went back to a 'mourning' state. 

But I'm glad I work out some haiku for a competition during the depression state. ARGH!!! I want to win because first prize is go to JAPAN!!! 

Last night Jolene shared a youtube video with me. It features a young 16 year old asian girl called Charice singing some songs. She sings on par with Whitney Houston... The latest is her dueting with Celine Dion. Yes, and I keep on telling myself &quot;MAKENAI&quot; [I won't lose in Japanese] since I'm also taking up vocal class. I have to work hard! I want to sing on par as her too!

My third realisation is I'm glad I have already work out what I want to do this year. And things to achieve by in 2009. I have also console myself that if I didn't achieve them, at least pave the way! Eh I work it out liao? What aboutyou guys?]]></description>
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	     <title>Wind Chime (Tuesday, January 6, 2009)</title>
	     <link>http://renaye.nutang.com/comment_85146/</link>
	     <description><![CDATA[ ting-a-ling
the wind chime whispers
the boy clasps his hand ---- 
wishes silently


Jolene and I thought this version would be better. And I'm going to play around with this poem. It sounded lovely to me but it is not because the feelings I made this poem is borne from reading a war journal and reading the news on the Israeli's genocide (whatever you call it). And if you are using firefox, you would be able to see a wind chime on your right. In feng shui, hanging wind chime in your house is to promote peace and harmony. Inside me now is a gamut of emotions that are beyond descriptions. ]]></description>
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	     <title>Sex Party (Sunday, January 4, 2009)</title>
	     <link>http://renaye.nutang.com/comment_85084/</link>
	     <description><![CDATA[Recently, a group of people were busted in a sex party over New Year. Condoms, alcohol, leftover pizzas and drugs were found in the room. One of the arrested ones is a newscaster who is going to get married next week. There was also an actress too. Read more here

My family had a conversation about thisover dinner. My mother just blurted it was a shame for a bride-to-be to be involved in this kind of activity. If she were the fiancee, she would cancel the marriage. Would you? Me? I don't know because all I know is I won't even have a relationship that would progress to that stage to begin with! But I would actually cancel the marriage because I won't want to have a partner that wants to be that wild after marriage. It's a shame actually. Oh well, it won't be if you are not busted though; if you just do it quietly. 

My sister had also a similar experience to that news but she quickly get out of the 'party' when she noticed the situation is not right. She was invited to a gathering by her schoolmate to a hotel.. room. There would be drinking alcohol and such my sister was told. How long? It would be the whole night. My sister thought it was just a social drink but she was quite shocked to know the 'friends' would be sleeping in the hotel room. Everyone, a mixed of female and male. Anyway, my sister went and came back midnight when she smelled something fishy will happen further. My mum actually disallowed her because you never what would happen in that kind of situation.... I don't think I would ever be in this kind of situation because I'm a precautionary person. I don't mind going drinking but why drink in a hotel room but not in the lounge? That is fishy isn't it? That would be a NO for me. It's not in my dictionary to begin with.

Maybe not guy raped some girls but guy being raped by a girl gang? I have heard of this before back in New Zealand. And this kind of report always goes undereported. If you are a guy, would you want people to know that you have been raped especially when you are in a society thank thinks guys are the top of the hierarchy food chain? I would be impressed. 

And we also talked about binge drinking. It happens once a friend of my sister tried binge drinking just to showoff how capable she is to the friends until her boyfriend, I believe, carried her back to her room. And she is very proud of that incident. We totally agreed that drinkers both female and male should not be drinking excessively just to showoff even though you can. What do you want to achieve or show by doing so? 

I guess no matter how much I want to try out those fancy bars I saw in newspaper I would just stick to my method: drink at home until I get drunk which I never had. Even if I want to, my guy friend told me to go alone for he would not want to go along with me even though I propose of leaving the place before 9pm, way before the happening....

So people, be rational before you do anything despite your voice screaming to do something extraordinairy in your life. The effects will ripple throughout your life.....]]></description>
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	     <title>GReeEn (Saturday, January 3, 2009)</title>
	     <link>http://renaye.nutang.com/comment_85054/</link>
	     <description><![CDATA[I'm creating a directory on environmental-friendly products from all countries. It's actually for my own purpose but I decided to put it on my blog to share with you all. If you have or know any and would like to share with me, please leave me a message so I put up here too. 

I'm not a particular person of checking out whether these companies are producing 100% green products or even have any personal standards that the companies should adhere. So my environmental-friendly term is very liberal, mind you.

Apparel

Onno
I personally like this website because it's very informative about the materials they used to produce shirts. They supply bamboo, hemp and cotton shirts. They do international shipping and the total price can be obtained when you check out. This company is from the US and prices are in USD.

Edun' Live
All I know this shop sells in EURO!! So yes, the products are expensive and they are produced in Africa, so it seems. They sell organic cotton shirts for male, female and kids. I think I did send them an enquiry about international shipping but no reply. 

Lastdays
I think this shop is in the US since shipping is free for the US if purchase above 100. I'm attracted to the products because they have prints on organic shirts! Catered to female and male in USD. 

Jewelry]]></description>
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	     <title>Anguish (Friday, January 2, 2009)</title>
	     <link>http://renaye.nutang.com/comment_85029/</link>
	     <description><![CDATA[It's a day after New Year. And I seriously never thought of starting the second day with anguish. No big deal actually. Just got kinda pissed with some people behind the tv. Why? You see there is not many gossips about the local entertainers in Malaysia. They somehow lead a very quiet life though some did make the headlines but they were never as huge as how the US artists created. But recently the media [and definitely someone] tried to imitate the Hollywood style: make a mountain of a mole hill off someone's privacy or even some anguish matters. But in my context is out of someone's happy event. I got no grudge against weddings and such. But is it necessary to air some local artist's wedding on tv and interviewing people behind the scene? Is it necessary to exaggerate an artist's wedding just to exhibit how grand one's wedding is? If yes, it's none of our business!! Why not use the money budgeted for the filming of the wedding to help people who really need financial help to put food on the table for the kids? Especially in this dire times where there are some people out here in Malaysia got retrenched... why want to show this kind of program to people where the main worry is what to eat next? People who have financial woes just don't care what these artists wore or eat during the wedding reception. This kind of program doesn't enligthen our soul but only breeds anguish and worries and the thinking of why life is unfair. Where is hope? Would it influence our future generation that being a celebrity is the answer to everything in their life?

Oh well, I might have just been too critical but I thought my concern is legitimate.

So who is the unlucky artist kena(Manglish for been) stepped by me? Here is a coverage of them. I repeat I got no grudge againts them. I only againts those people whose idea is to show us stupid programs like documenting some celebrity's wedding to the audience.]]></description>
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