Home | Join! | Help | Browse | Forums | NuWorld | NWF | PoPo   
It's all been said & done.
Monday. 7.28.08 3:12 am
"I'm not bitter, I'm mad as hell."

I was lying in his bed today, staring up at the ceiling, and all I could think about was how much I hated knowing that someone had been there before me. If you want to get technical about it, I guess it was after me, but I hate that someone else had ever become apart of the equation. I hate the fact that I know she is alive. I hate that someone that disgusting is allowed to live. I hate whores. And if I ever see her again, I just might wrap a steel pipe around her head.

The grass is never greener on the other side. The entire time we were apart, I hoped and prayed that we'd be together again. Pretty sadistic, I know. I spent nine months out of my life being miserable. I hate that I let him have that control over him. I hate that I couldn't even enjoy my pregnancy. I hate how during the time in my life when I should have been the happiest and most excited, I was a crying mess. I am a hateful person and the best part of all is that I don't care.

I don't know if I love him anymore. I wonder if I ever did. Maybe I was just too afraid of being alone. I was probably scared that I'd never find someone else who could give me that same high. Yup, I'm sure that's what it was. We're always fighting because he doesn't do what I want him to, he doesn't do the things I need him to do for me, and yet, I still can't let him go. I'm constantly throwing shit from their relationship in his face. Always thinking of what I can spit out next -- forget stinging, I want it to burn like fire. Part of me feels guilty for what I'm doing to us, but two seconds later I'm at it again. Burning bridges and pouring salt on wounds.

I need to feel validated and I guess I just don't know what to do anymore.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

Wow.
Monday. 12.24.07 2:00 am
I haven't been on this site in a ridiculously long time. I was doing the xanga thing there for a while, but due to some unnecessary "stalkerazzi" issues, I had to delete it.

Comment! (3) | Recommend!

s0uldeep's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

NuTang is the first web site to implement PPGY Technology. This page was generated in 0.004seconds.

  Send to a friend on AIM | Set as Homepage | Bookmark Home | NuTang Collage | Terms of Service & Privacy Policy | Link to Us | Monthly Top 10s
All content � Copyright 2003-2047 NuTang.com and respective members. Contact us at NuTang[AT]gmail.com.