I haven't been here in so long and so far with people finding this by google and letting me know about how they found it has convinced me to start using this again. I am actually loving this knowing that I can write down thoughts from my mind that thinks way so much about whats happening around here. Right I am trying to go through this 'don't let your happenings ruin your happiness' advice stick on to my every day actions. How about I use this NuTang to improve my English writing since I have been aching to practice just to make perfect songs for this social world. To all those that have found this site and have found it interesting, I thank you for reading. It's great to know that people out there would care for what I have been trying to put out.

So there is this girl about to go to sleep and amazingly she is the one true love of my life. As cliche as it sounds, what I thought was impossible was actually possible and that is that she loves me with all her heart and we can be just our selves with each other.

So far Tennessee has given me the oppurtunity to be independent and free from what have been happening in California. Which is a long story.

But of course. I still have to keep practicing on what I have on here and as soon as I get time in the world I'll try my best writing vignettes to tell you how it has been since I was thirteen. Well, maybe...

much love,
Nikko

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We all have our moments just walking down memory lane. Whenever I walk I always end up on this intersection called 'Love' and then you know that is when you have to entertain that lane to see what you can pass by. I will never stop walking this lane but by the time I'm ready to go home, I end up missing whatever I been passing by.

Like..There is a window that shows a view of downtown San Diego. It's beautiful when dawn is breaking and then you get to see it. That seemed to be the icon of this memory 'love' street. Next to the computer there is a bed that held the countless kisses and kissing of a perfect couple. Perfect? When perfect is said, does that mean when the couple breaks up that in time they will get back together? That there is a reason why the couple breaks up such as something needs to be done till it is the right time to be back together?

She said, "At least I can say I had one good relationship."
I hope that we are that perfect couple as described above.
That bed held us. We stitched and stiched to make one of the best union. This union took over memory lane's Love street.

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I Love Irene Biyo. <3 <3

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Let's think about all the times in Gallery Court.

My first two weeks in Chaparral High were hard as hell. It was hard for me to catch up in algebra and english. In a week will be spring break. I felt like I was in some foreign country. I'm living ina white school! I made a few acquaintences in P.E. but it wasn't the same as having people in Morse. Asians are annoying here. Just because we have a small amount of asians doesn't mean they all can show off that they're the best. I try my best to hang out with Mexicans and a few whites. Whenever I go home, I occupy myself by going on the computer. It's such a joy that technology can keep me and San Diego in touch. At night, I'd count down the days till I see my dad because that's when I'll get to see San Diego.

I had finally found my friend Michael Cruz at Chap. It's a coincidence he moved up here from Morse. He's also my neighbor. I bet you it was fate that we had to meet. I met him in Japanese class and then he became my full-time friend up here in Temecula. He was the closest thing to San Diego and I'd enjoy everytime spent with him. Pretty soon he became my best friend.

There was this girl named Jacke Serrano and she had long hair along with light filipino skin. I admit, she was pretty. She became close to my sister Rocielle. One day I witnessed Jackie give a light kiss to my sister's cheek. Just for watching that smooch I got a kiss, too. "I bet you want a kiss, too" SMACK! That stole me for a while. We began hanging out. We'd make brownies together with my sister and go out to the mall. I really tried not to care or show that I didn't care. She hung out with me a lot in school until one day I realized that I wasn't talking to herin the hallways and at lunch anymore. That bitch lead me on.

Then there was Jessika. I never ever liked her. She was a short, skinny tanned girl who was into beach and beach-related stuff like hula and surfing. She was annoying. Her voice was like a chipmunk and I had to go through her chit-chattering at lunch for a week. It took her a week to figure out that I wasn't interested. I remember she'd call and I'd really just ignore.

After being lead on by Jackie, I promised myself that I won't ever go for any girls here. The Promise was more intense when Jessika came along.

Mom's happy that we are all up here but me and my sisters felt like prisoners. I'd drive to the book store so I can keep a peace of mind from Uncle Eric. That ended though. Uncle Eric had got my mom to lecture me to stay because I'm a young licenced driver. Funny how his son (same age as me) goes everywhere in San Diego.

It's burning hot here and it's Friday. Feels like hell. I'm the lowest of low right now and I just want to feel the ocean lick my face. My room is suppose to feel cozy but I feel so small. I close my eyes. Prayers. Why God? why.. Someone rescue me. Music is my escape every night and the the start of my two week spring break begins. That means I get to have a week to stay in San Diego. I search for days and weeks to stay in San Diego. Before I didn't have to hunt this personal treasure.

..Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive? Do you remember that? Everything has changed..

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I Guess this could never be the same

This can never be the same.

Late February 2004 – I’m like a candid photographer. To some of the popular girls, I’m a stalker. But I was really just carrying this camera to steal snapshots of how fun it is to be in Morse High before I move to Temecula. I considered myself lucky to be breathing San Diego air. It’s been 16 years of having fun suffocating in adventures through Downtown, going to shows, and a little bit of surfing. It’s hard to believe that this was all going to change. I’ve had enough changes in my life and I swear to you each change has struck me like lightning and the shock became permanent to my mind. Whenever I would think about it I’d hurt. I’m talking about my losses. I see my dad every other weekend. My mom works everyday so the weekend was our only time to spend it. Other than that I’m stuck with Uncle Eric who is a jerk and my mom makes his wants her wants, too. The only time I was saved from being shocked all over again were spending time with my friends but now I’m moving and that makes it hard to get my own made prescription.

These Last two weeks of March will be my last days. I might as well take in as much prescription before I leave.

Our stuff is now being moved to the new house and commutes are so uncomfortable but as long as I’m still at Morse I’m okay. My Mom’s such a liar. That’s maybe why I have so much dishonesty sometimes. She said we’d finish school here first but then she turned heads, followed Uncle Eric and had our transcripts sent to Chaparral High. I better forget about this and just have much fun for now.

In English class I sat in the cool table. It was me, Jane Souvannaseng, Mike Odom, Marygrace NEr, Aimeely, and Andrew. I was really close to Jane and we always talked about anything. My last few weeks had been conversations of this girl named Krystle. Krystle was this hardcore-punk girl. She only wore dark colors and I was drooling over her short hair and dark make-up. She didn’t know me but I knew her name. The hero saves me: “OH! Ronikko! My sister knows Krystle! She can help you meet her!” There I am, looking like a geek with my camera but getting excited because after weeks of procrastinating to go talk to her and met her I can finally get my chance.

Lunch started at 11:35 and there’s nothing better than having lunch and laughing with your friends on a long, boring day. I met Jane at the quad with my idiotic camera and there I met a girl with long hair, pink Macbeths, a clash shirt, and nice tight blue jeans. CUTE, I thought. “Nikko meet Jilana my sister” She shakes my hand with a smile but she’s quiet. This girl with the pink Macbeths grabs Krystle from the crowd I knew she hung out with a lot. I’m such a freak. “Krystle this is Nikko.” The cute girl in macbeths was kind of shy. NO, she’s really shy. Jane takes my camera and snap! Hearing that sound made me realize I accomplished my goal of meeting my crush and stealing a picture with her. After school I usually have my thrifting adventures with Artemus and Nyle at Hillcrest. By 8 p.m. I’m in Temecula.

It’s funny how the computer is hooked up while everything is everywhere. I want to finish uploading these pictures. As I wait for each picture to load in the folder I run into Jane’s xanga. I’m a good friend and I always comment to every xanga I know. I heart Jane. Haha silly but simple. POST. I happen to find the link to Jilana’s xanga and that means I’m close to finding Krystle’s xanga. It’s like trying to find buried treasure. Jilana’s xanga is interesting and I post HI HI. Then there is my treasure. I read entries and I realize that I’ll never be the right reward for Krystile. She wouldn’t even fight to get this prize because it’s not what she wants. Besides she has a boyfriend with a green Mohawk. CRUSHED for sure. The files are saved. But I feel like I’m losing.

I sleep early but before I sleep I feel those shocks again. My parents including Uncle Eric really pressure me down. My dad always wants me to be on top of it all and I hate it. I mean he’s coo but that’s if he’s getting what he wants. This new Eric-mom alliance is torturing me. I’m losing and I’m failing. Moving to Temecula was like going through a gateof a strange world and it’ll take long to get used to. I passed through this gate finding myself changing. My attitude is more intense and school becomes a big heavy weight on my shoulders. I’m gonna miss San Diego. I’m gonna miss my friends. Shocks, lightnings, this will never end. This is too hard. I’m sorry but I have to go down.

”You can’t respect yourself if you’re letting someone beat you up inside-out” Why didn’t anyone else tell me this sooner?”

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I got this idea off of a book. I plan on writing from the day I met Jilana to now. This is where I tell the whole truth. In my head I had choices, choices of almost making it a fairytale or what really happened in details. The reason why I chose this is because I want to realize why I don't deserve Jilana, my love till this word's death. Maybe I did deserve her at first but then proved the fact that I don't deserver her. I'm weak, very dishonest. So far the only one who knows me is Irene who will forever be my best friend. She will be the only one to set her eyes on all these words. The trick to all this writing is slow confess all my lies that have blinded Jilana form seeing me and this calss for all of the lies she doesn't know now and so far there are so many. She only knows two lies that I have gotten caught from but there are a million of them. Ok, I'm overexaggerating but there's so many. Enough of that, Jilana shouldn't even be friends with me. I don't deserve it. But for some reason, if I could have her again I'd do so many things to make up for every lie.

I'm a believer of God. I love Christ. I want to be more like him; honest and humble. I'm still lost in myself and my sould and I admit there are times when I did not recognize Christ. I love to ask Christ, why? But I know I shouldn't. I'm good at faking y friends that I'm the most happiest but when I'm alone I'm beaten to the core. I'd love God to save me from this. I leave everythind to him yet I'm so hardheaded. Can he forgive me? Yes, but i take too much of it for granted. I don't believe in religion because I honestly think it's a perfect excuse for business and social things like gossip and showing off. I'm more of faith. I don't need religion when I have faith. I know Jesus Christ that you feel my words in this writing and I'm sorry, I love you.

So there you have it, Nikko Deleon: a dishonest, selfish, showy jerk.

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