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xxJillybaberzxx
Age. 36
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. White
Location Gillett, PA
School. Other
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"My Tears Are Hungry......"
Friday, April 29, 2005
"Ill be waiting, and Ill be watching, under a full moon, a taste of heaven, it only happens, once in a blue moon.."

Ive seriously have asked myself in the last few days what have I done to deserve someone like Skyler. Im serious.. And a lot of you might not believe him, but it is pretty special when someone says to you, I love you so much and you have changed me so much. Well, what the hell do you do then. Sometimes, I love him, and sometimes I dont. When Im with him, it is just him and me, and like...I enjoy being there and spending part of the morning there with him because Ill never friggin see him. And then Im at school, and I get called a whore because Im just using him for sex, which by the way we havent even done, and that I can do so much better. If you friggin people knew half of it. Im serious, and some people just tell me that Im using him for the affection that he is giving me. Thank you, sometimes I feel that way myself...Im only sure of myself when Im with him, and when Im not..it's like..what the hell are you doing Jillian. I dont want to hurt him at all..Skyler I really dont. I guess, its just hard to talk about it with someone when you are not face to face, but easily I can say how I feel on here. Im just confused I guess. I have 20 days left of school, then what? Will I ever see him again? Ill be on the senior trip, and I wont see him them. Sorry sweetie, but Im not waking up early in the morning to come see you. Its not that I dont want too, Im just pure lazy and tired. I cant sleep anymore, and Im just up all night tossing and turning because its just..not enough time. Yeah, I wish you would have said something a little sooner, and this would have been so much better. Apart of me really does love you Skyler, but the other part of me, is so scared that Im going to hurt you, that youll never talk to me again, and that.....youll go back to a life that you are SOOO much better than. Im serious..you have so much to live for, so much to die for, and so much that you can do if you just...did it! You have two jobs, people that love you, and a future waiting for you beyond those high school doors. You can make something of yourself, and you can do it. I know you can! I have so much faith in you. I dont want to leave now because all I want to do is just spend more time with you and see if this was really meant to be. Sometimes, I think I should break up with him, other times....I know what we are suppose to be together. How can I break up with him when he is asking me not too, hoping to God that Im not... and it seems like I have this friggin problem every fucking time. AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT ****! My mind is just more complicated than my heart... I need to stop thinking and just live.....I dunno. No one take offense to this, I just need to get this off my chest. Im sorry Skyler, and dont get hurt by this by any means...you wanted to know how I feel, but yet, I dont even fucking know how I feel. Ill talk to you whenever I can over the weekend and such. I love you...and that is all that matters right now. We'll figure it out, and everything will work out the way it is suppose too. Right? Right...Peace everyone...

1 Comments.


ive done alot of thinking last night and this morning and have decided that im not going to worry about you leaving, i just want to enjoy the time that we have left. luv ya
» xxxmasterbation_is_funxxx on 2005-04-30 09:47:54

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