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de hope vanishes...

jus got back from my driving. i felt quite satisfied today after not driving for 1 wk. de instructor made me feel so gd, tt i feel tt it was worth making de trip down. he said my performance was quite gd. hee. it jus simply made my dae. covered all de bad times today.

not to mention work..it was as sucky as usual. wen is it ever gd man? tt 'HE' claimed tt i was his wife..pls fuk off! he sae his chest very pain (and mind u, he din sae chest! he said another more disgusting word for it which i shant mention here!) den ask me to massage for him...omg, disgusted!!

had a tiff wif dearie again. damn jialat, kp quarreling these few daes. was supposed to mit him for dinner den head for our driving lesson at 8.50. but, he, de forgetful one, forgotten to bring his driving book! which reali irritate me cos its not de first time le! he's always so forgetful. even wen i remind him, stil forget. so our plans were like screwed so i flare up. i scolded him & we argued. he said he had enuf of me & all de quarrels so he initiated de END. i was so damn piss cos instead of apologizing, he resorted to tt, so fine! so be it! mayb tis will be a lesson to him, cos he nv seem to learn! i wen home in de end for dinner. stayed home & started to tink about how we started..de time togeda n everythg. i cldnt seem to find a proper solution, jus cried, lookin at de computer screen while tokin to my fren on msn. sometimes, u feel jus like u r not appreciated. u did so much for the other party, but end up? dearie's bdae is in Sep, but i've already started to save up n plan stuff, so tt it will be a surprise for him. i dun like last min things. i do these every yr, but i do wonder if he ever wonders how much effort it takes for me to do everythg. its not easy at all. making reservation. bookings n stuff. all i ask for is him to be happy, to hav me. is tt so difficult? *cries*

u noe wad fukin reason he said wen we were quarrelin? he told me, mayb our characters clashed?! wad de %@$$^%^%!!! pls la, if our characters clashed, wun even last for so long already! stil wait until now den break?

i told him to tink over wad he wans n tt i wun force him if he reali wans to end cos its no point if its one-sided. i was contemplating whether to go to my driving or not cos de mood was reali not there. considering de fact tt my parents $$ wld be wasted, i wen for it. i saw him there too. i din noe wad to sae, cos i was unsure of our status at tt moment. after our driving, tho we communicated, we din held hands. sad u cld sae, i was too loss for words. took de train home all by myself..looking at couples..feelin envious of dem..

he msg me, n told me tt he stil wanted de relationship. i dunno whether to feel hapi or not. cos it was so weird jus now. de feelin is like not rite at all. this few daes hav been like a rain n shine period..my eyes r tired from crying..i dun wan to lie to myself but i reali hav lose some hope in this relationship. jus hav to live day by dae.. seriously, i dun wan to place such high hope anymore, cos it will only make me more depressed...we even made plans to get married and all tt stuff.. hai. dun wanna tink about it anymore. wen u tout he's de dream of ur life.. sometimes, heaven is jus playin a fool wif u..

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