I'm so tired...working heaps this week cuz the lady boss keeps calling me in for extra shifts. I might as well...for the money. I have been having a bad week...just really want to be alone. It's one of those times where I become a hermit and cut off most of my contact with everyone. The other night I went with Tiff to pick up Yohana from the airport, and bumped into an old highschool friend Sari. I had a chat to her, though it was awkward and some how forced. I didnt want to socialise. When she invited us back to her house, I felt really uncomfortable and told Tiff that we had to leave early. I was called a snob in the process.

I realise I didnt want to chat, I wasnt in the mood. But when we got to Sari's place, sat down to catch up, as she smoked some weed, conversations just kept runnning. And I felt much better for deciding to come. Even though I dont smoke weed I was entertained by the girls being so chatty and funny. Then I realised I need my friends during these times, as much as I avoid them, they will only make me feel better. I missed Yohana so much, and have been thinking about her a lot cuz she will leave Perth soon. I want to spend more time with her and Tiff.

I accompanied Tiff this week to get her tattoo done on her lower back. It was an experience, her first time and my first time in a tattoo shop at the back. It was scary at first, cuz I was nervous for her, but she told me I really helped her out by being there and keeping her mind off the pain. I felt so good inside, being there for her and spending time. I hate it when a group of my friends go out without letting me know and leaving me out because they think I am busy. It's like they know I will say no or hope I would not come. I am happy when I give them my time and my support.

Sometimes I dont feel that support back and I really get hurt and lonely. But I do know my friends will be there for me and stick up for me when I need them. But most of the time I have to do things myself. I miss Michelle, I have said tat so many times...but i really miss her that it hurts. She is the only one who reminds me of my childhood and the days of when 'best friends' were truely one the only best friend. Right now, in my adult life, I dont have a best friend. I have many friends who are close, but not a best friend. I know it shouldn't really matter who is your 'best friend', but it does to me to have someone there 24/7 when u need them the most. And they will not give you an excuse or reason to shove you aside.

» (58.7.193.112) on 2006-07-15 02:15:57

interesting... there are people everywhere, worse...no friends...nothing... yet still go through the thick and thin alone, to them..a friend is the icing... do you think it is selfish for one to pre-dispose that a best friend should always be there no matter what even of their own dire reasons??.... misunderstanding.............. of reason destroys a friendship more than best friends... ...strength within oneself when there is a time you cannot get out of darkness... didnt you say that yourself?...
» donnie darko (58.7.193.112) on 2006-07-15 02:31:17

People were not created to live alone.E.G. Adam with Eve. It is not possible to survive. Affliation with another is what keeps us going and living life. Yes, we must deal with our problems ourselves, but it is during the times when u really want to reach out to someone it is difficult to get the support. Best friends or any friend should be there for each other, no matter what the situation - is it selfish to ask for warmth n care? That is y there are so many suicides in this world where ppl have no one to turn to.
» von-nation on 2006-07-16 04:09:07

you're wrong there. so many people who feel like they have no-one do have people who would support them but are just shutting people out, so it feels like they don't have anyone. you have to put your trust in people rather than complaining you've got no-one to trust.
» (218.214.169.137) on 2006-07-20 12:31:20

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