Monday. 8.6.12 8:47 am
I'm not in a good place lately. World war three (or maybe ten), which I saw coming but I got sick and tired of backing down and not getting what I want, so I let it blow. Then I ran into Christian Grey's embrace. Still kind of in there but it is better than me running to someone else whom I bade goodbye to earlier this month. He is real but sadly not mine so I do what I do best and retreat back behind my walls.
This is going to be the first year where I'm completely on my own - which I don't mind because what's the point of having them around when it is so suffocating? Honestly I do envy people with supportive families. People who piss you off for their entertainment and give you nicknames. Don't think anyone would get used to that.
My friends are awesome but they can't be there all the time and even they have their limits to how much of my family drama they can take. In recent years, I've come to realise that I may be spending my life on my own and I've come to accept that. It gets lonely but I rather that and bored to death than being pissed off. You all would have figured out how explosive I can be by now and as I struggle to keep the lid onto things and not "simmer" that much, I can't help but be exasperated when people are intentionally pissing you off.
So yes, not in a good place and I wish I have a Christian Grey of my own to revolve my life around. I don't see how much different he is than some other people already present in my life but at least this one actually listens to you. I will take the stalker, control freak, megalomaniac even though all the clingyness might kill me.
sigh. that is why i have been telling people i prefer to live with cats than with my family members, and they thought i am a weirdo. » renaye
on 2012-08-07 07:38:50
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