Why did this have to happen to me?

Why couldn't I remain happy?

Did I do anything to deserve this?

What can I do to be happy again?

Will it take another 18 years before anyone else likes me?

Can I regain my trust in people?

I want things to get better.
I don't know where to start.
I want to curl up in my room and make it all go away.
That doesn't work.
I'm going to have to buy a new box of tissues this week.
Has anyone else ever felt like this before?
I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Why me?
Why now?
How do I know this won't happen the next time?
I need to get better.
I don't know how.
And everyone needs to fucking stop saying time.
That may help eventually, but that doesn't help now.
It doesn't help put my heart back together.
It doesn't help that sinking feeling that I can't get rid of.
Time has only cemented for me the reality that my life just got fucked up.
And there's nothing I can do about it.
Why am I so loving?
Why do I get so attached?
Its my weakness.
I need to get rid of that weakness.
I wouldn't be able to stand feeling like this again.
I wouldn't.
I'm close to not being able to now.
I need to realize that I need someone who wants to be with me and won't throw me out when they're feeling bad.
That's the first step.
And stop striving for something I can't have. Even though every single part of me wants it. Wants it sooo bad.

Why me?
Why did my heart have to shatter?
Do I mean nothing?
Do I have self-esteem now? No.
Can I look myself in the mirror and like what I see? No.
I see an ugly worthless person who's desperate for something that was ripped from his heart.

I want to give up.
I want to not try.
I told myself a long time ago that there was nothing I couldn't have if I tried.
I was wrong.
So very wrong.

if we put our boxes of tissues together, we might make a halfbox? hey, at least she wasnt fucking girls.
» ikimashokie on 2005-09-25 09:40:58

she wasnt fucking guys either, but i cant say thats the point im trying to make.
» ikimashokie on 2005-09-25 09:45:51

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