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One would be in less danger
From the wiles of a stranger
If one's own kin and kith
Were more fun to be with.

Ogden Nash
Blubber
Friday. 4.21.06 11:28 pm
I have something to confess. I was terrified of coming to Australia. Let me explain why.

It’s true that people are bound to change after they’ve been away for some time. Nothing wrong there, that’s just the way it is. But when most of my friends came home after a stint in Oz, I just wasn’t prepared for how much change they had gone through.* About 10 kilos worth (the wrong way) each, to be precise.

These were the ones who, during lunch, used to argue over who was tubbier –

Anorexic: Oh, I can’t possibly eat this fried chicken.
Bulimic: Why not?
Anorexic: I’m fat.
Bulimic: You’re fat?! If you’re fat, what am I?!
Anorexic: What are you talking about? You’re so thin! I’m fat!
Bulimic: No, I’m fat!!
Anorexic: NO, I AM!
Bulimic: You’re just being nice. *Bursts into tears*
Me: If you’re not gonna eat that, can I have it?

What happened? While it’s great that fried drumsticks don’t send them screaming into the other room anymore, devouring a whole KFC bucket in one sitting isn’t a sign of good mental health either!

But maybe I was too quick to judge. What if the same thing happened to me once I set foot on Aussie soil? Bad enough that my old school teachers smirked at me when I went back for a visit – “Wahhh, you’re such a BIG girl now.” What if I turned into a bloody hippopotamus?!

So you can understand the turmoil I was in when picking which university to transfer to.

But I know better now. These friends grew bigger not because they lacked the willpower to say no to half-priced waffles, but because they were desperate. And so am I. Desperate, that is. Not bigger…yet.

It’s the clothes. When I first found out that I’m a size 6 here, I was ecstatic. And just a little bit smug. My self-esteem soars when I fit into the smallest size in the store.

And there’s the thing. They have very little size 6 clothes in stock. Which means that even if I love that jacket with the kick-ass logo on the sleeve, even if it’s on sale, even if I’d still pay for it at non-sale price, I won’t find one that fits. And that’s not all. When the salesperson’s eyes flick to the kids’ section, christ, now that’s a massive blow to the ego.

So, short of sending bomb threats to the head offices of the major brands, the only solution left is to simply grow one size bigger. In other words, I need blubber.

Fashion kills.

* If you’re a friend who studied/is studying in Australia, you’re in the leftover category. Which means you didn’t gain any weight at all. Really.

Categories:

108 Comments.


you're right. in some stores, i was an XL. here, i'm just an L. how nice! also, it is not easy to grow fat. i gained a hefty 10 kilos in the 6 months i've come back here. i could probably teach you some tricks. i.e: eat a lot. sleep a lot. then eat some more.
» bUttsH4k3r (62.252.224.16) on 2006-04-21 01:22:30

you totally know what i meant. "it is easy to grow fat".
» bUttsH4k3r (62.252.224.16) on 2006-04-21 01:23:06

hey, sweetie. if it's any consolation, i like you just the way you are. with or without the super kick-ass jacket. =D and besides, watcha gonna do abt it when u get back and shrink back to normal? you won't be able to wear all those clothes anymore! anyway, hope you're doing fine. the sem's almost over. and i'm coming to aussie! we'll catch up, yeah? u coming back in july?
» Qian (60.48.118.120) on 2006-04-21 06:52:35

Well, I REALLY didn't gain any weight when I was studying in Australia. But then again I was having a lot of sex. You know what? If you're nice and slim you don't NEED nice clothes.
» Jay (82.69.108.126) on 2006-04-21 10:38:56

bUttsh4k3r: Plus I've got a KFC and Subway right across the road. AND $3.50 chicken rice. Must make use of them more.

Qian: Thanks, darling. :D Yep, I'll be back in July. Wanted to visit Jase and the others in Adelaide, but the parents have sent out the bugle call. So it's home for me.
» theZEBRA on 2006-04-21 10:40:06

Jay: Because you spend more time out of them then in? The clothes I mean, vice-versa for the sex partners. :D
» theZEBRA on 2006-04-21 10:41:40

I'm a size 6/8 in UK, and their clothes sizes in all boutiques started at 10. So I just dragged my ass to the kids' section and started shopping there. Serious. Didn't buy anything though.
» (219.95.157.186) on 2006-04-22 02:59:30

That was me btw :P
» Laynie (219.95.157.186) on 2006-04-22 02:59:48

From the various descriuptions you have given - and your pictures, you still look tiny darlin. Paul
» Paul (218.111.37.142) on 2006-04-22 11:45:15

Here's a confession:
I'm a size 8-12, but mostly a 10. And the shit they say about a perfect size 10 is crap because I'm a tub of lard back in KL. Worse, size 10 is the one that runs out first, so the ones on sale are either a 6, or 14. Or 16. Great.
» Alynna (149.167.148.220) on 2006-04-23 01:21:00

Haha... Clothes on sale are never the ones that i can wear. I'll be going back in July as well James. Gimme a call when you get back
» Min (202.6.138.41) on 2006-04-26 01:12:32

Jay is SOO right! Corner the petite asian girl market & screw the nice clothes. Less is more!!!
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