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Aye Aye Cap'n!
Tuesday. 1.17.06 9:33 pm
Letter to Graham Henry, All Blacks coach:

Dear Sir,

It has now been a week since the All Blacks (ex-)captain, Jonathan Falefasa (Tana) Umaga, retired from International Test rugby. Since then, rumours have been circulating that Richie McCaw is almost certain to be selected as the new AB skipper.

In my opinion, this is a grave mistake. As a great fan of Mr. McCaw, I am in no doubt of his abilities as both a rugby player and a captain. After all, he has demonstrated these same abilities countless times during his captaincy of the Crusaders. However, I believe that in your consideration of the next AB captain, you have overlooked one very important candidate.

Me.


I KEEL YOU!!!


Consider the following points:

  • I am a great leader with experience.
    At the tender age of 10, I was selected as Project Leader by my class teacher. With hard work and discipline, I led my team to secure the award for Best Poster (Under-10's) in the school's Recycling Campaign 1995. Needless to say, with me as their captain, the team is sure to emerge victorious in the 2007 World Cup.


  • I have been trained as a touch judge.
    With such in-depth knowledge of the rules, I will be able to push the team to take every advantage on the field without giving away careless penalties.


  • I am a girl.
    But so is George Gregan.


  • I do not have a bunny nickname like "Fluffy" McCaw.
    'Nuff said.


  • I am not a citizen of New Zealand.
    A problem easily solved by granting me instant citizenship.


  • I have excellent ideas on how to improve team performance.
    One such idea is to have the team run with the bulls. With such motivation present in these training sessions, agility and speed will increase in no time at all.

These are but a few reasons why I should be the next captain of the All Blacks. And I shall be glad to discuss the rest of my qualities with the panel at a convenient time.

Yours faithfully,
Jamie

Categories: ,

15 Comments.


i can't wait to see their reply :) but i dont think they will. heh. you're too miniscule!
» bUttsH4k3r (62.252.224.16) on 2006-01-17 12:01:59

correction
fact #3 "I am a girl. But so is George Gregan." is only a half truth, only George Gregan is a girl. So, basically u have no problem to enter an all men's team
» Fred (219.95.214.126) on 2006-01-17 12:09:02

If you do make it as Captain, I humbly apply for the role of Team Physical Inspector. I do not have any relevant qualifications, but I bring with me a lot of enthusiasm, a pair of well-moisturised hands and a great desire to see and touch the naked bodies of the entire Team. I am 100% STD- and inhibition-free, and given the chance, will prove to be an asset in many unconventional ways. Please. I will even give you my firstborn. In fact, you can have any children I father.
» Jay (217.37.171.17) on 2006-01-17 03:38:38

Come on...... even the shirt is too big for you. It's covering your butt.
» b (198.16.9.11) on 2006-01-17 07:46:41

buttsh4k3r: The shirt's just huge.

Fred: You won't be much of a guy yourself after I castrate you.

Jay: Isn't that part of MY job description?! No matter, you can be my Asst. As long as I get first pick. *Pauses while she suddenly thinks of after-training showers and herself far, far away in the OTHER shower room* Dammit that's just not fair.

b: My specially-sized AB captain jersey won't.
» theZEBRA on 2006-01-17 08:56:03

You are a great warrior with experience.
At the tender age of 4, you were selected to represent the humans in the Great Battle XXIII among Humans, Predators, and Aliens.

I am one of the few aliens to have lived to tell the tale of GBXXIII.
» dave on 2006-01-17 09:14:14

You forgot to mention that you are also a highly skilled counsellor. You'll need this ability after we've kicked your arse in 2007.
» US (62.254.128.6) on 2006-01-18 12:51:50

dave: Yes, well, I didn't want to brag about that. Killing is not something one should boast of...excessively.

US: Oh, you mean like how your shrinks made a fortune after last year's Lions tour to NZ? :D

YK: I'll send you an autograph, provided you promise that it'll be the first thing you grab in the event of another trainwreck (touch wood).
» theZEBRA on 2006-01-18 03:29:12

Jay stole my job!! Paul
» Paul (218.208.229.212) on 2006-01-18 09:30:34

Better watch out, Jay. Paul might go all Bountiful Betty on you.
» theZEBRA on 2006-01-18 05:02:20

I like the look of determination on your face, please tell me it isnt constipation...
» AJ (219.93.73.114) on 2006-01-20 01:16:51

AJ: I GRRR you!
» theZEBRA on 2006-01-20 04:42:10

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» Fritz (187.4.128.12) on 2011-07-08 07:41:45

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