There is a technique to riding the lift at Uber Bitch Jason’s apartment:

I press the button.

And stand well away, putting as much space as possible between myself and the window and the lift.

The lift dings and the doors slide open.

I lean sideways to peek into it and hesitate, giving anyone or anything in it time to make its presence known.

I duck in.

And immediately jab frantically at the button to shut the doors, hoping fervently that a hand won’t shoot in between them at the last minute.

The lift makes strange noises. It always does. Perhaps it’s saying hullo to the other lift on its way up to the 15th floor. Or perhaps it’s the cables protesting the cable cutters someone up there is wielding.

I tense (because tensing up is a great help when a lift free falls twelve floors).

The lift dings again.

I hide in the blind space behind the control panel. In an ambush, the slightest moment of surprise can be the key to survival.

There is no one there.

I run to my car.

It’s only Jason’s lift. It’s partly the way the lift doors refuse to move till I’ve given up hope, and then suddenly shoot open, making me wet my pants. Partly also the horror stories reported by Jason, for instance when the doors repeatedly opened 3 inches before clanging shut, clang clang clang, forcing him to climb up the stairwell in pitch darkness. Mainly though, it’s the lovely view of the huge, moonlit cemetery right next door from the lift lobby window.

I try not to look. But it’s like being witness to something truly horrifying, like Will Ferrell’s naked ass in Old School. I can’t help peeking.

Categories: Misc [t]

OI! what is this! Talking about the lift that I take everyday! Don't you jinx it with your half truths! Sure the lift makes me think about the scene in Final Destination 2 where the lift clamps on the woman's head and she gets decapitated.. or the recently showing horror/thriller taiwan movie COMA 2! But still! it's the god damn freaking lift I take! Stay your foul tounge for the moment and atest to the true usefulness of the lift! Next time you come, you better take the stairs.. cause got knows what neighbours of desa kiara might be waiting in there for you...
» jase (211.24.253.211) on 2005-11-16 10:42:40

Oh dear - perhaps NOT a good idea to watch that Emily Rose movie before going to visit your friend then. I watched that movie last week and am still trying to recover from it. Ooh err...
» Shan (60.48.40.26) on 2005-11-16 10:43:51

ooo..neat !! i'm still tryin to figure how to use this..damn i'm slow on all this thing..
» arcanawar on 2005-11-17 12:58:10

Jase: Hah! Serves you right for wishing horrible things on me just as I step out of your house. And for slamming the door shut right after!

Shan: No thanks. I avoid horror movies like broccoli. I'm still scarred by "It" back when I was eight years old. I blame my parents for letting me watch it. What were they thinking?!
» theZEBRA on 2005-11-17 02:35:46

Don't forget that ghost in The Grudge that waits in corridors and stairwells.
» Jay (82.69.108.126) on 2005-11-17 04:33:26

Jay: Bugger. That just leaves...the drainpipe.
» theZEBRA on 2005-11-17 05:50:09

i don't think the lift's the problem.. but one particular person that stays in that apartment.. ahem..* Anyway, 10th of dec? yea will still be around.. hmm.. coming down for holiday?
» Fred (202.7.183.131) on 2005-11-17 10:37:17

I can't decide if you're talking about the fear of the lift coming to malicious life and plunging you to your spine-shattering death/decapitation or whether some guy will ambush you in the lift and force you to perform unspeakable horrors using your body (e.g. pluck your armpit hair)?
» Will (219.95.133.90) on 2005-11-17 11:26:16

Fred: Yes, but I won't point fingers for fear of being sliced to ribbons by that particular person's nails.

Will: It's the first one and also the fear of theevil undead ambushing me in the lift and performing unspeakable horrors on my body (e.g. giving me a brazilian *ouch*).
» theZEBRA on 2005-11-17 05:52:48

Fred: Forgot this bit: Yeah, will be flying there on the 10th. How long will you be sticking around? I shall accompany you on your 3-4am walks.
» theZEBRA on 2005-11-17 05:55:10

Long enough
I will be here long enough to celebrate christmas here.. i will only be going back on the 29th. And yea, 16th of dec will be my graduation ceremony, you can come by if you want to
» Fred (202.7.183.131) on 2005-11-17 08:57:28

Fred: Excellent excellent! I'm flying home on the 31st. So that's loads of time. Yay!
» theZEBRA on 2005-11-17 11:43:01

Ooh. Jase and the Zebra.
» Paul (219.95.189.90) on 2005-11-18 07:32:14

grrrr... next time you come, I'll be sure to send the spirits staying next door a handsome sacrifice so that they will haunt your bony little ass out of my place!
» jase (211.24.253.211) on 2005-11-18 09:05:10

huh?
» Fred (202.7.183.131) on 2005-11-18 09:26:42

huh?
why spending so much time in adelaide?
» Fred (202.7.183.131) on 2005-11-18 09:27:43

Paul: Please. There can't be TWO bitches in a relationship. Unless it's a threesome. But that's a different story.

Jase: Mmm..you should try offering yourself as a sacrifice. But leave the keys to your door out first.

Fred: It was either that or fly on Christmas day. Spending either on a plane is equally sad, but at least New Year's might be more enjoyable if I have a hot seat-neighbour.
» theZEBRA on 2005-11-19 12:29:22

It agree, it is an amusing phrase
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» Dante (121.30.255.38) on 2010-08-29 03:28:44

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