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theZEBRA Is Chewing On  Creation Gore Vidal Listening to:  Everything in Transit Jack's Mannequin Lick Those Stripes! I Be Gallopin' After Ye The Herd Zebra Poo Black Stripes, White Stripes Songs of the Plains
Family Court One would be in less danger From the wiles of a stranger If one's own kin and kith Were more fun to be with. Ogden Nash | Sucked In Tuesday. 10.18.05 7:47 pm I am not one for volunteer work. It brings to mind extended non-showering days, snot-nosed little children, false smiles and falser promises, and too many “holier-than-thou” people with martyr complexes. Sure, I’ll sign up to build houses in Ethiopia or guard-dog turtle eggs on the east coast – but only for the chance to travel, or to watch sexy shirtless volunteers getting all hot and sweaty after working them muscles. Otherwise, I make sure to hide behind pillars whenever volunteer sign-up sheets make their way around uni. So it was a little odd that I volunteered to starve myself for 30 hours last weekend. Correction, I was volunteered to starve myself. AND I had to cough up 50 bucks for it too. Alright, I was actually meant to collect 50 bucks’ worth of donations. But you know how some people have that Look which says “Give me money please” and your heart just aches to give them everything you’ve got, including the emergency money you’ve got stuffed into your sock in case you bump into a mugger? Or how some people have that other Look which says “Give me all your money, or I’ll break your legs” and your legs ache the same way? Well, I’m neither of them. Neither am I a suitable candidate for fasting. Meals for me are a hobbity affair. Dinner and second dinner are the highlight of my day. It was clear that I would need to write out a list of pros and cons to get through 30 hours of no-dinners. Cons first, to get them over and done with: 1. No food. 2. No sexy shirtless volunteers (Note: two did take their shirts off, but they were of the “YOU RAPED MY EYES!” sort). 3. 50 bucks *sob sob* 4. Having to stay the night in uni. 5.No shower facilities. 6. A plague of martyr complexes. 7. Cringe-worthy “fun-filled” activities. 8. Whingers (the kind who think 30 hours go by faster if they’re spent repeating “I’m hungry” over and over and over again). 9. No food. And on to the good stuff: 1. I’d practically be forced to lose weight. 2. Warm fuzziness for the chance to help the hungry (according to a friend). I found out soon enough that I had been lied to. I didn’t even catch a whiff of warm fuzz. Hunger brings out the bitch in me. The ones doubling over with gastric pains were soft wimps, while the others still chirpy after 20 hours were smug bastards. So it was down to the thought of pounds just dropping off by the minute to keep me going. But when I checked the weighing scale after everything was over – nothing! NOTHING! Probably it’d have worked better if I’d moved around rather than hibernated – I spent most of the 30 hours horizontal (sleeping! SLEEPING, you depraved lot!). Or if I hadn’t eaten my weight at dinner after the event. What a gyp. I can’t believe I got sucked in. Again. 22 Comments. NOT volunteer work woah! volunteer work! *yay!* to you! it's a well known fact that zebras have hearts, but i'm sure you know that =) so anyway, how do you feel about animal cruelty? It's not volunteer work per se but i'm hoping that you would voluntary do this, out of the goodness and kind nature of your heart =p i've obviously read your post and i promise you none of the cons are involved. as for the good stuff, i can't guarantee that you'll have a warm fuzzy feeling deep in your heart, and all that other jazz. Why i think theZEBRA can help? First of all, I think that the readership of your blog is pretty substantial. After reading your blog, AND enjoying myself here, I feel that the number of your blogders will steadily increase. I feel that you have the power to make a difference. I am asking you to spare a little of your time. We can only try but perhaps the little effort we make can actually make a difference. what the hell is this all about you say? go to http://www.catzmedia.com/spca/petitions/index.asp to find out more Thank you kind ZEBRA! -Mankee » AmAndAserAph (219.95.16.240) on 2005-10-18 09:57:09 I really kinda stopped reading after "sexy shirtless volunteers getting all hot and sweaty", but kudos to you! Now you are officially licensed to act all holier-than-thou and go around saying stuff like "I'll have 49 virgins waiting in heaven for me, but enough about me, what have you done today?" » Will (218.111.28.216) on 2005-10-18 01:35:30 I bet you ate 50 bucks of food after that . . . 50 Hours?! And you're still alive?! Amazing. » KE (219.94.57.23) on 2005-10-18 02:21:35 oh, wait Oh, it's 30 hours . . . that's not that bad » KE (219.94.57.23) on 2005-10-18 02:22:49 Ha...try drinking some hot chocolate... warm fuzzy feeling...there u go....BTW, souplad wouldn't mind starving for another 30 hours if there is a hot chick by my side... hehe shallow souplad... » Souplad (198.16.9.10) on 2005-10-18 07:47:24 Mankee: You're absolutely right there. Animal cruelty should be stopped. Imagine hot male zebras being caged up somewhere, instead of in my bedroom as my personal sex slaves. Going over to sign the petition right now. Will: 49 only? And feh, no virgins for me plzthnx. I want my harem well-versed in the art of mattress mambo-ing. KE: You belittle my pain. Fie on you.
Souplad: PLEASE. I don't drink hot chocolate. It's only celery and carrot juice for me.
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