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theZEBRA
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One would be in less danger
From the wiles of a stranger
If one's own kin and kith
Were more fun to be with.

Ogden Nash
Copper Blues
Monday. 8.23.04 9:34 pm
I’ve just had my first encounter with a cop. And no, it didn’t involve handcuffs and flashing lights.

I’d parked my car in a tight (illegal) spot yesterday. It was at a rugby tourney, so all the proper lots’d been taken up. And I couldn’t not park, as I was a lines(wo)man/touch judge for the same tourney. So technically, I wasn’t at fault. I should have demanded a reserved lot or they could bloody well judge their lines themselves.

When I returned to my parking spot later in the evening, I found a different car waiting for me. This unfamiliar-looking vehicle sported a rather odd-shaped rear, with dents along its side. Its bumper looked a little wonky too, barely hanging on in fact. And there was garish green paint scraped all over the right side of the car, marring its lovely silver finish. Rather distasteful really. Some people really did have the oddest tastes.

I turned around and clicked on the car remote. And heard the funny car beeping behind me. Holyjesusshitwasthatmycar?!!!!! License plate? Check. Honda emblem ripped off the side window? Check. I collapsed to the ground and burst into tears.

After a refreshing cry, I picked up a largish rock and went on a hunt for a green car with silver scrapes down its left. No luck. The bastard must’ve torn off after he murdered my car. I hope he managed to drive himself off a bridge later that night.

I walked desolately back to my car and got in. After closing the door gently (in case it fell off), I drove carefully to a police station to lodge a report, all the while keeping an eye out for a stray bumper lying on the road behind. And it was there that I met the cop who’d give the word ‘daft’ a whole new meaning.

He had a toothpick in his mouth and a gleam in his eye. Not the gleam of shrewdness however, it was the glare of the tv reflecting off the vacant stare from an equally vacant mind. A dimwitted cow would have looked a frillion times more intelligent next to the Daft Cop.

No matter. I had faith in the force. These people were the ones I’d depend on if I were kidnapped and left in the boot of a clunker to die. I took a hopeful breath and described to the DC what had happened and handed him some pictures I’d taken of my poor Honda’s misery. He peered at them and nodded to himself as if this sort of thing occurred all the time. Then he looked at me appraisingly. My heart leapt. Perhaps I’d misjudged him. It wasn’t the empty stare of a halfwit I’d seen, maybe it was the preoccupied stare of a man lost in thought, trying to solve the myriad of cases on his desk. As hope dawned on my face, he cleared his throat. He was about to speak! I waited with bated breath…

“The paint. It’s yellow.”

I blinked. “Umm, no. It’s green actually. The car which got mine was probably green.”

“Why is there yellow paint on your car?”

“Nono, it’s green. And it’s from the car which hit mine”.

“Is your car yellow?”

“Is it wha-? It’s silver! Look at it!”

The DC glared at me. “I meant was it yellow before you painted it silver?”

“No! It was silver! It’s always been silver! And that’s not yellow, it’s green, green! From the other car!”

Somehow, something finally got through to him. “Hang on a tic, that paint’s green! Do you have any green cars at home?”

“Wha-?! No! It’s green because the car – That. Hit. It. Was. GREEN.”

“Maybe your gate’s green. Did you reverse into it?”

“No I didn’t bloody reverse into my gate! I parked my car and it was fine and when I got back, it wasn’t fine anymore! A green car hit it!”

“No, wait!” His brow furrowed as a new theory hit him. “Maybe…maybe another car hit yours. And maybe…it was green!”

He smirked at me in satisfaction. I could only stare back in absolute flummox. I hoped to god I’ll never be tied up in the boot of someone’s car.

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4 Comments.


Not sure if you'd get my other comment, but the Folk Story contest has been moved back to Friday to accomodate some people's lack of time. By the way, another excellent entry. That was hilarious. Sorry about your car though.
» le_battement on 2004-08-23 12:35:06

I guess that explains why I never get caught
If it makes you feel any better, I once hit a green car (and it shook my heart). By the way, you can now customize the nav colours and such (check the NuTang hacks page).
» dave on 2004-08-23 11:00:12


ah..and suddenly his brain decided to give him a break and it clickeD!
» jean` (218.111.150.169) on 2004-08-30 07:54:54


sorry about your car..hope they find dat stupid fella..
» rachel (219.95.148.223) on 2004-08-30 08:00:57

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