There’s just something slightly disturbing about a 6-year old kid with a crush on a motorcycle racer 22 years older than her. My kid sister and I were watching a speedway grand prix on tv yesterday, and when one of the riders pulled his helmet off, she gasped and exclaimed, “Oh wow! He’s so hot!” This coming from a little girl who drags a stuffed doggie along wherever she goes. Since then, she’s been bugging me to get pics of her ‘hottie’ (I swear that’s how she refers to him) Jason Crump so that she can paste them onto her school file. Some people might find that cheek-pinchingly cute, but when that same ex-toddler announces that she wants the pics also because the last thing she’d like to see each night before she closes her eyes in bed is his dirt-streaked face – so that she can dream about him, there’s definitely a whiff of unhealthy obsession.

The same unhealthy obsession that drove me to watch monster-infested Van Helsing three times since it opened. At 10 bucks a pop and me a lowly student, my wallet has been feeling the pinch. But what exactly was it that kept me going back for more over-the-top fx? Was it the rugged good looks of Hugh Jackman? Or perhaps it was the hunk Will Kemp or even the geekily adorable David Wenham? None of them, I’m afraid. Throughout the movie (all 3 viewings of it), my eyes were glued only to Count Dracula, or rather Richard Roxburgh. Corny accent, bad teeth, fugly minions and all. The sexy hair and evil smirk more than made up for everything. So well in fact, that I dug up my old copy of Mission Impossible: 2 and watched him get his pinkie chopped off thrice during the last week itself. Which reminds me, I haven’t gotten my daily Rox fix yet. Does anyone own a copy of ‘The Touch’? Y’know, the abysmally embarrassing movie starring Michelle Yeoh and sadly enough, Rox as the Big Bad? Still, bad movie with Rox is way better than movie with no Rox. So if you do own a copy of the movie, lend it to me and I’ll be yours for life.

Dirt-sucking vs Blood-sucking

vs

Who's got it better?

And is unhealthy obsessiveness hereditary?

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I've always suspected that my father is a little bit shady. Oh, he thinks he can fool me with his Volvo and his golfing. But anyone who was so proud of a letter from the government advising him not to leave the country that he wanted to frame it should be watched.

As always, I was right.

A couple of days ago, I joined my father for dinner with some old friends of his. And as you do with friends from three decades ago, they started reminiscing about the things they used to get up to. At first it was little things like how they used to sneak up to the roof for drinking sessions and do you remember your first car, the one with the detachable gearbox? It was fun to learn these little tidbits about my father's past.

Then they started addressing my father as "tai kor" (literal translation - "big brother"; also slang for "senior gangsta"). Now this could be taken in two ways - 1. They were just acknowledging his status of being two years older than everyone else; 2. My father used to be in a gang.

Next thing I knew, they were laughing about the time two of the group were arrested (mistaken identity, or so they claim).

Ha ha...christ, it's probably #2.

But there were still deeper, darker secrets to reveal. Near the end of the night, someone piped up, "Hey, have you heard about the time your dad set fire to a shop?" No, I hadn't. Do tell. Apparently, they'd been mucking about with fireworks when one went off in the wrong direction and zoomed right into a shop. The shop promptly went up in flames and they promptly fled the scene. A little dishonest, but fair enough given the circumstances. Then it transpired that they didn't stop there. Not long after that, they did the same thing again to an abandoned house.

My father maintains that both incidents were accidents. But honestly, how much can you trust these criminals?

Still, it does make for damn good leverage:

Dad: You came home at 4am this morning. I really think that's a bit too late.
Me: You set fire to a shop AND a house. Do you honestly want to compare?
Dad: ...abandoned house.


My father 30 years ago?

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My mom helped my 7-yr old sis to compose a poem for school, and this is what they came up with:

Kangaroo, kangaroo
dashing to the loo.
Kangaroo, kangaroo
needs to do a poo.

God, now I know where my toilet humour comes from.

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Like a fresh wad of cash.

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I had a bit of trouble getting to sleep last night. It was so quiet, too quiet. And I got lonely in that tiny, empty bed of mine.

I missed Pukeyface snoring me to sleep.

I missed cuddling up to a warm, furry body and a cold nose.

I missed sleepy wet licks on my ear.

I missed the weight of a dachshund's head on my stomach.

I missed having to wrestle the covers out from under a selfish dog.

I missed the sudden kick in my side as she chased the shadows of dreamscape birds.

I missed the way she'd always snuggle up to me even though she had so much space on her half of the bed to stretch out in.

But then I remembered how she used to fart those silent killers in bed, while still asleep, the cheeky brat. And I felt better immediately.

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Another one of those text conversations.

Me: So. My kungfu instructor. He's fun. I like.
Mom: He's fatherly. Is that why?
Me: What?! Christ no! He's 29!
Me: I DO NOT HAVE DADDY ISSUES!
Mom: What's he like then?
Me: Well, he's hot, athletic, makes me laugh, loves dogs...I dunno...
Mom: Hmph. Minus the dog bit, he sounds like your dad in his heyday.

In other news, I'm off to New Zealand on Monday. Back in a couple of weeks!

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Where did they go?
The
      Sunday morning cuddles
      midnight car rides
      stand-on-your-feet dances
      you-and-me camping trips on the beach
      tennis games that you let me win
      Scrabble games that you didn’t
      smiles that were just for me
      secrets that were just for the both of us.

You say that you’re getting old, and it’s true
But why are you growing old on the inside too?

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Every now and then, my kid sister comes up with things that make me laugh. And I know that I did the right thing by not shoving her in front of a speeding car when she was 4.

We found this on my parents' bedroom door.

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