just realised... sometimes no matter how hard you try.. things just doesn't turn out the way u want it to. with studies, people around u n life in general. hm... studies... let's see... i wanted to b a doctor. but i'm not in med school... i m in biomed school. n i do enjoy wat i m doin... so i shouldn't complain. but i think deep down in my heart i still want to be a doctor. contemplatin if i should do post grad med school... or PhD instead.

to think abt it... out of the past 5 years... this is the year i have prob cried the most. n it is not even 1/2 down. it's just the words n actions of people ard you whom you love... tt cut deep into ur heart. leavin big gaping wounds. bk said something in chinese i found very true n meaningful that when translated it means:

"a person who has been hurt countless time will lock their heart away to protect themselves. only when the right person comes along will they have the key to open ur heart and pick up the broken pieces and fix it"

and that person would b the love of your life. the person whom you will marry at the drop of the hat. the person u wanna spend the rest of your life with. this person will open your eyes n heart to feelins you would have never experienced before.

i've been hurt too many times by the people i love n when i think back on it, the tears just roll. i dun want to cry anymore. i tell myself tt many times. but the tears just roll no matter how hard i try. but yet the people i love make me laugh too. wat a contradiction.

i guess life is meant to be the way it is. tears n laughter are the essence of life. the first thing u will experience the moment u come into this world. sometimes i wish i could go back to being an infant. u din have to worry about anything, u just ate, sleep, crapped, laughed, cry, n look cute. i love kids. their cherished innocence, their perspective of life. the way they help you look at things in way you as an adult would never have thought of lookin. it is amazing the way children make adults seem silly at times. but then again... when i was a child.. i wanted to grow up, go to pri n sec school, jc/poly n uni. so there... contradictions again.

at different stages of life, you look forward to different things. for me now... i look forward to graduating n completing honours after tt. then either work of continue on with further studies. settling down n havin kids is definitely on the list..

been feelin crappy or maybe philosophical this weekend for some unknown reason. i think mayb it coz i miss home too much. i feel like givin up on honours for a split second sometimes. but i know i shouldn't . this is a stepping stone in life, an opportunity that i have been presented with. n i m not about to let it go just because of a split second decision. i know my family will b there no matter whatever happens. supporting me every single step of the way, lovin me for who i m. thanks mum, dad n mel. u 3 mean the world to me n no one will ever take the place tt you have in my heart.

i just realised tt this entry n the previous entry is very sentimental. *ponders* i better stop... b4 it gets too much even for myself...

adios! sayonara!

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» hotlyjeoche (82.193.109.248) on 2012-04-06 01:05:00

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