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Age. 35
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. White
Location W Hartford, CT
School. St. Joseph Col
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Looking for some advice...
341th day of 2006
So, I have a problem which I am not prepared to handle, and I am looking for some advice. Let's start at the beginging...

This past spring I left my school (which I loved) because I had some things to figure out. I wasn't going to class, the student theater had consumed my life, and I was hidding from all my problems in Harry Potter Fanfiction. I knew it wasn't working, but while I was away at school I wasn't getting it fixed either. So I left- not really my choice, but it was what had to happen.

I spent the summer falling futher into m depression- I almost never left my room, I wasn't doing anything, I rarely ate, I spoke to my friends maybe twice each for the three months, and I avoided my family like the plague. As you can guess, that wasn't working either. I was just doing more of what I was trying to stop doing while I was at school.

In October I had a very enlightening chat with my father and I got a few things worked out. I realized I had a choice to make- I could keep doing what I had been doing and be miserable, or I could get back out there and begin again. I had three ways to start over- I could stay with my mother and get a job, stay with my mother and go back to school, or I could move in with my father and go from there. I decided to move to my father's in MO.

Unfortunately, the same day I made that desision, my brother threw out our room mate and I could no longer go to live with my dad because we couldn't afford to get me there. So I changed my plan, and decided it was time to get back to school. So I went to the local Community college and got all my classes and loans in order. It looked like I had finally made the right choice and things were getting back on track for me.

I was obviously WRONG. This past weekend, my mother invited her ex-boy friend to come stay with us because he's been having a hard time of it recently. The problem? We life in my father's house- we 'rent' it from him, if you will. My mother did not tell my father that her ex was moving in, so when he found out he got pissed. It's been coing for a while- my mother takes full advantage of the fact that my father is still hopelessly in love with her and it has been getting to my father. This was the straw that broke the came's back, and now my father has decided that we all need to find a new place to live by the new year.

My issue? I just got my school stuff figured out and I thought I was getting things in order again, but now it looks like I will be homeless if I stick to that plan. There is no way that my mother will have a place to stay by the end of the year, and that means that I won't either. So, I'm faced with three options again, and I don't know what I should do.

1. I could bounce back and forth between friend's houses while working until I can gather enough money to get my own place or a place with my mother and/or brother.

2. I could bounce back and forth between my friend's places while going to school and working until I can get a place with my mother and/or brother- there by still gfoing to school, but taking a bit longer to get a place.


3. I could say fuck it all and go live with my father.

The problem with the first and last choices? If I am not going to school then I have to start paying back my loans, which I cannot really aford and would mean that it would take that much longer for me to get back to school. The problem with the second choice? I don't feel comfortable mooching off my friends for that long. fA couple of weeks while I gather money froma full time job is not that bad- a couple months while I try to work and go to school before getting my own place? I don't really like the idea.

Like I said- I had thought I wanted to move in with my father before, but that was when I would still have time to get into a community college out there. Now I would have to wait until summer term at the earliest, and by then I will HAVE to pay back my loans. I can't stand my mother or brother- I love them, but they are deffinately people that are easier to love from afar. I feel bad even contemplating leaving them in a situation like this- they are my family after all, and at least if I'm around I can help them out. I also know my family very well- if I leave now and go to live with my father I'll hear about how I 'took the easy way out' and if I get my stuff together out there I'll hear about how it was all because of them that anything worked out for me. Honestly that was my biggest worry when I was thinking of mving in with my father in October- my mother and brother would never let go of the idea that because they stayed here, or they let me go, or they did this or that, they have some sort of claim on anything I do, or that I owe them something. Hell, they do it now and I haven't got anything worth taking claim of- I don't want to think of what they would do if something I tried actually worked...

So, what do I do? Do I stay here with the people that drive me crazy and give up on school for the time being? Do I stay here and mooch off my friends until I get my stuff together without having to give up school and still deal with the people who drive me nuts? Or do I give up on school for the time being but get away from the people who drive me nuts, possibly providing more fuel to the 'Drive Swanky Nuts' fire later on down the road? I don't like any of my choices, but I need to decide- soon.

I'm not grown-up enough to deal with things like this.

Most definitely...
Speak to your father about all of this. Tell him that you have everything in line for going to college where you are and that you don't know what you'll do if the house is sold. Tell him that you definitely understand how he feels with what your mother is doing (pretend atleast if you don't fully understand).

In the least he could give you the money to move to his place and you could set up college plans there much like the ones where you are now. I mean what's going on has nothing at all to do with you but you're obviously going to suffer from it atleast somewhat.

Does he own that house currently just because the rest of your family was 'renting' it? Would he keep it after kicking everyone out? If that was the only reason he had it and sold it, then perhaps he could get you atleast enough money to move to his home and get you going in college there.

So not that absolute best advice..but maybe some things to ponder.

I'm sorry.
» etheracide on 2006-12-07 06:51:44

My opinion..
the 3rd choice sounds okay.. since your mom and brother drive you nuts, why not stay with someone who don't. I think your life would be much better without them driving you up the wall.. Work during the time when you dont get to go to school so that by the time comes for you to pay back your loan, you would have enough money to pay a little.. and talk to your dad.
» Nuttz on 2006-12-07 08:13:13

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