Friday. 4.11.08 10:11 pm
its so hard to let go of myself. its so hard to relax. it's always temporarily forgotten, but sometimes when i'm alone or some other source triggers it, i feel kind of shit. or i start to worry it may happen again. sometimes i just wish i could just run away from it.
exams are nearing. the anxiety is kicking in again. i don't know what to do. people expect so much of me. i have such high expectations. why do i even expect so much of myself? is this purely for myself? or to show family and guys that i'm independent and i can achieve better than them? is it for reputation? dont want to be looked down at? i dont know anymore.
so far, this year was much harder than i expected... its far more stressful than i had assumed, i get so little sleep, its the first time ever i have to control my eating habits and try not eat for a number of extra hours just to get the work done. i feel so bad for complaining, cos ts not like he gets to eat either.. as a mater of fact, he skips so many meals, including breakfast... he eats far less than me and he doesnt even complain.... its so unhealthy for him, but i dont know how to help him... im not always there to feed him or to make sure he has something to eat... i just wish he'd look after himself for me, at least it'd be one less thing for me to worry about... i hate it when people dont look after themselves... i dont want him to suffer from more serious problems later on in life just because hes not looking after himself properly, but he just never listens.. well ok, he listens but he doesnt follow what i say -.-" doesnt quite help
sometimes it can seem like life isnt as great as it can be... but life can never be perfect anyway... and there are too many good times i have with him, so i suppose i should be content... maybe its a common girl thing.. we just like to whinge and complain... i know sometimes i cant control it happening
i dont know how to do better, someone out there, teach me to be a better person
Categories: 2008 [t]
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