I remember when I was like that: when I first learned college chemistry and biology and physics and I was so excited to apply my (limited) knowledge to everything and anything, no matter how impractical or unfeasible. It was an exciting time; in my head, I dreamed up solutions to all of molecular biology's greatest problems using what I knew from my introductory classes. Reality be damned.

Even though he's older than me, his (lack of) experience in science reminds me of when I was younger and more eager to dream about the possibilities. It was precisely because of that that I felt bad as I shot down his ideas one by one.

My boss has this grand idea that he will eventually create vesicles with the ability to create ATP--the currency of power in every living cell. ATP production is the end-result of energy transduction, which involves taking energy from light or redox reactions and turning into free energy in the form of a transmembrane electrochemical potential, which can be used to both synthesize ATP and drive active transport systems. Basically, in simpler terms, energy transduction is the change of one form of energy to another, the goal of which is to make it such that a cell can function. What my boss is trying to do is show that this can happen abiotically, and if he is able to do this, then that is one step towards fully understanding the origins of life as we know it. So far, we have been able to show that we can spontaneously form vesicles that can encapsulate semiconducting particles to drive redox chemistry using the energy from light. He plans to continue the experiments towards showing that we can use a system like this to produce the free energy to make ATP and, furthermore, that we can actually make it...somehow.

The new intern got all excited about the prospect of the project and dove right in. He even drew up a schematic diagram of a system that he thought would work. He worked all night on this because he was so enthusiastic about getting his name associated with a scientific breakthrough, but...they weren't fully developed. I could read the rejection on his face as I enumerated what was wrong with both the science behind his model and the logistics of performing that experiment.

His thoughts on the subject were creative; I'll give him that. And filling the holes in his scientific knowledge will come with time as he advances in his studies. But as for me, this gave me pause for thought: maybe I need to regain some of that exuberance; maybe I need to dream a little bit bigger. I have been growing more skeptical, more realistic as time goes by...but maybe I should also return to that time when I got superexcited all for what COULD be rather staying on my current trajectory, spending all my time trying to explain why it CAN'T.

I can't shake the feeling that maybe that's what I'm missing: a balance between the two. Perhaps I need to work on being a skeptical dreamer of sorts--someone who isn't afraid to color outside the lines but keep it within the page...

I think everyone becomes more skeptical as they grow older.
» Nuttz on 2008-07-10 07:18:37

Perhaps I should reflect on my over skeptical and cynical personality too.

Nice read btw, you write well.
» L-Lawliet on 2008-07-10 07:38:54

I totally agree with you, especially after hanging out with Cumbers for a while. It's easy for us to tell him why all of his ideas are impossible, but very few people are like Cumbers (i.e., completely unfazed by that). I think a lot of people will eventually give up after being rejected enough by people who know more than they do. I think the best a person can do is to pair each statement of rejection with a statement of possibility, saying, "this doesn't work- let's think about why it doesn't work- but I like the way you think, and I think we can come up with something that does work." I think the fresh, creative eyes of a beginner can work well with the cynical eyes of an older researcher, as long as the older researcher actually takes what the younger person is doing seriously, and promises to at least entertain his theories instead of rejecting them outright, and believe them if he can come up with proof.

I can't believe your PI is working on something so huge, btw. That's HUGE stuff.

ps: What do you get when you mix a native american and some sugar?

ATP!

right...
» Zanzibar on 2008-07-10 08:54:30

it's always important to keep a littl ebit of that fresh excitement..it keeps the monotony and seemingly incessant replays from making you jaded. i find it once in a while with my art, writing, life in general...sometimes you just need to indulge that childlike excitement that gave you the inspiration and hope in the first place...even if that excitememnt is completely unfounded, impossibly optimistic, and downright silly...whats the harm?
» invisibleinkling on 2008-07-10 02:09:35

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