So last Monday in my cell activation seminar was the first time I seriously doubted my ability to engage in graduate studies. It was the way everyone was able to readily answer questions about things I hadn't even considered while reading the papers for class. For the entire hour, I stared intently at my notes and the articles so that if the professor called on me, I could pretend I wasn't aware what was going on. If I said I hadn't been paying close attention to where we were, it seemed preferable to saying I didn't know what the hell anyone was talking about.

I don't know the demographics of the class, but it seems likely that the bulk of my classmates are either 2nd or 4th semester M.S. students (the latter signifying that they are about to graduate). If this is the case, does that mean that I shouldn't feel so bad if I feel like an idiot because these people have been doing this longer? And if this is true, will the professor hold me to the same standards as these people? And if he does, and I don't deliver the goods, would that reflect badly on me when I do apply to grad school and have something less than a "B" for that class? Does this mean I have to learn hard and fast? I don't even know if I can do that. I can try my hardest but if my hardest isn't good enough, where does that leave me? Does that mean giving up on achieving the goals I set for myself since I was a kid?

How does one even go about forming a new dream and going after it after your first attempts at doing so fail?

Or at that point, will I have to resign to "settling"? I don't want to settle for something less. I want to soar.

oh. it was definitely the tripping balls one. but i didn't drink enough, thank god.. i just felt slightly drunk/drugged.. plus i'm slap ahppy.. yeaaaaaah.. not a good combo
» ThisCharmingMan on 2007-01-31 02:31:56

Definitely don't be worrying things like the latter parts of your entry. Put those parts of your brain into your work. Surely I do not know your professor but I'd have to assume that were you to try your absolute hardest then you shouldn't be held up to standards of others..especially those that are years ahead of you. Just keep plugging away and do your best to understand all of the material as you can
» etheracide on 2007-01-31 09:29:11

wow

That's scary. If YOU'RE doubting yourself, then I'm sure as hell not gonna be able to do it.
You're a far more intelligent human being than I am and I assure you that if YOU can't do it, I'm screwed.

But honestly, don't worry about it.
Like that stupid saying goes, "If you shoot for the moon, you'll at least land in the stars."
Dumb, but true. Not to mention, you'll wish death upon yourself for years if you don't at least give it your best shot.

And for some reason, I think you can conquer whatever comes at you. Don't know why. I don't really know you, but you just seem like the type. Which I'm sure to you means hardly anything from someone YOU don't know. But, again, I assure you, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's judging people's character.

So, I wish you confidence and determination. That's all the "luck" you'll need.

P.S. Don't settle. Ever.
» elessar257 on 2007-01-31 09:51:40

i know i was on here a lot before. and i felt really ignored from different groups. and it really sucked
» changbang on 2007-01-31 10:19:43

Thanks for the comment
Hey Ranor, thanks for the comment about my job. That was the best advice given to me here on Nutang and I am going to use it.

UR AWESOME!!!
» kKAMa67 on 2007-01-31 11:27:17

Yeah it does have codeine in it. No, you can't have any. You might have to get some yourself though, if the cough is really an epidemic like she said...
» randomjunk on 2007-01-31 02:00:38

sheesh
*hug* (first and foremost)

I'm also drowning in my (undergrad) classes for various reasons - but I know what you feel like. My high school education was not what it should have been and when i'm in those classes hearing what these kids have to say - I feel YEARS behind them and severly out of the loop. I've also done that 'look intently at your paper' trick.

It can make one wonder if it's yourself that's messing up or lacking - if your just completely behind for reasons that can't be controled - or if your just not cut out for all of this. I mean, what were these kids taught? or how were they taught? and where was I?!

In any case - I know what you mean. Exactly what you mean. However, I think we both should bite the bullet and learn hard and fast. It'll probably kill us - but i'm sure we can rise the occasion. And hey - at least you'll be able to say you gave it your 100% all.

*hug* (lastly)
» Helena on 2007-02-01 12:07:52

Hey dude, I felt the same way in my cratering seminar. It's ok though because it's a seminar. All the older students would be like, "well, just as Gould and Mellon said in 1977, all of the craters could possibly oblong secondaries from oblique bolides." And I'd be like, "WHAT???" A good seminar prof would then explain what the hell he was talking about, and ours did sometimes. It was kind of like trying to learn a language by complete immersion. So I learned a lot and I was freaking confused a lot, and I probably didn't get as many participation points as the other people, but I just stuck to asking questions over providing criticisms. Our prof just got in our grades, like almost two months late, and he gave everyone an A- because professors teaching seminars don't really care to grade you, they just want to talk about things. Brown doesn't have minuses or pluses because it sucks, so it went down as an M until I hustled the registrar and now it shows up as an A. wooot.
» Zanzibar on 2007-02-06 07:49:01

oh guess what. I doing stuff for la vida secreta today, and I got to stay after and talk to HGIR, and it was awesome, until I ruined all of my chances by revealing that I'm like 10 bazillion years older than him. He's like, "oh, haha, well, you certainly look young!" and I was like "AHHHH.... I'm OLD AND I'M ONLY 22!!!!!!"
He's a geochemist, for crying out loud! He's going to be working here this summer! hmmm.... he's going to be working here this summer........ hmmmm....
» Zanzibar on 2007-02-06 07:53:04

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