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Memores acti prudentes futuri


You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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Thoughts while biking home
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
I tend to zone out when I'm biking unless it's really cold and my ears hurt or something, in which case I focus on the pain and all I can think about is getting home.

Things have been pretty stable for me I guess, in the general scheme of things. Despair rarely comes knocking.

But even though my life is more or less going well, it feels weird.

I think it's just because for the longest time I've (consciously or not) considered suffering an integral part of my self identity. It's disorienting to be moving away from that. Part of me keeps expecting to lapse and be extremely depressed again, or even... hoping for that? Not because I think depression is happy fun times but just... it seemed like it made up part of my personality.

Maybe I've said this before. I think I have, in different words. I'm still discovering who I am without depression. (That's not to say it's totally gone, it's just the faintest it's ever been)

Still, I will admit I draw most of my inspiration from said suffering.

...Though the tiny details of people's lives interest me too now. That's good. I'm finding new things to be interested in. Maybe someday I'll be able to have passions again.
2 Comments.


It's normal to feel that way. Depression can make up such a HUGE part of one's identity, too, so it's sort of like progressing towards a major overhaul, in a way. My mum is very, very depressed, and talking to her on a good day is bizarre.

re: If it makes pragmatism any more convincing, Dead Rat Guy is super pragmatic...while still having fun with a dead rat.
» Unicornasaurus on 2013-02-26 03:32:06

For some reason, I read "bikini" instead of "biking".
» Praetorian on 2013-02-26 02:11:05

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