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Memores acti prudentes futuri


You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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This is a really stupid problem
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Disclaimer: I have no proof that this is true in some cases. I'm going off opinions mostly.

---

I feel like I can't make platonic male friends. Or rather, I can, but it doesn't stay mutually platonic.

The dude I was hanging with for awhile started to bug me. He's boring and he talks a lot, and I recently found out that he's sorta weirdly clingy. Yesterday he called me (I'd been avoiding him a bit) to ask if something was up. Was I mad at him? Did he bore me? (Yes, yes he did, but etiquette dictates that I am not allowed to say that) When I told him I didn't feel like we had a good friendship dynamic and that I didn't enjoy hanging out with him, he was really insistent that he wanted to keep me as a friend and still hang out. I should've just said "HELL NO." Instead, I was my typical "I can't bear to punch you with rejection" self and said okay, but I would only hang out in group settings. He seemed disheartened, but agreed to it. Oh, and he also said he thought that I had gotten the wrong idea from his giving gifts to me (which is true; his actions there sent a very bad message). I told him I didn't feel it was appropriate, since I didn't consider us very close. He got kinda defensive (but in normal tones, I guess... not utterly whiny) and said he just gives gifts to his friends. Whatever, dude.

Obviously Jasper asked me out awhile ago, but he's been much more laid back about it. I'm still cool with hanging out with him. When I told him about my issues with the aforementioned dude, he said something to the effect of "well, you're attractive, interesting, and single. It's not surprising he likes you."

Annnnnnnnnnnd after some discussion with Alice, it's possible that ES class guy might like me as well. No proof on this one, though. He's very nice, of course, but I'm trying to assume that's all it is. It's true that we've discussed our views on dating (not each other, but in general), but I figured that was neutral, not laced with hidden implications. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK THOUGH, GAH. Alice thinks we were flirting (although she wasn't there, just to clarify, so my retelling of the events could've skewed her impression of the situation)

I think that if I could talk to myself, aged a few years younger, the younger me would say "wow, you're complaining about that? I WISH guys were interested in me!"

Right now I don't have very many friends. I'd like the friendships I have to be uncontaminated by possible romantic feelings on one end. I've never been the type to be all "single life is freakin' FANTASTIC, I wanna be single FOREVER," but right now I just don't think I have the energy to deal with a relationship. Hence my withdrawal from the dating pool... or at least my attempt to do so.

Somewhere out there, people have real problems, and if they were to read this, they would shake their heads and sigh.

---

I need a t-shirt that says everything about what I find amusing in a few easily readable words so I can stop being tempted to buy shirts online constantly.
8 Comments.


I can understand being cautious. And it's unfortunate that most guys get defensive when you tell them that you're just not into them. Good luck finding some friends that simply stay that way. Rather than being the same people that you've been having to deal with.
» LostSoul13 on 2011-04-12 11:02:55

yeah, I've been on both sides here. I'd say do all the things you're doing, not hanging out alone, not calling him much, but definitely always be kind (in a sort of generic, civil way). That way you'll be in no way leading him on, but you'll still be kind, because man, it hurts to get shut off by a friend who thinks you like him/her (especially if you do and you were pretending you didn't). That way once he sees that there is a zero percent chance of you two dating, he can get over it and you guys can still be friends.
» Zanzibar on 2011-04-12 11:25:01

Yeah, I know what you mean. Guys can seem really deaf sometimes. Doesn't it always seem like when you decide that you don't want to date anyone, five guys show up, and when you really want to date someone.... zero.
» Zanzibar on 2011-04-12 11:30:32

this entry reminded me
theres a poster in the office for public interest at my school that reads

a refugee wishes she had your problems
» undisputed on 2011-04-12 11:57:37

I'm a platonic male friend.
» middaymoon on 2011-04-13 01:27:37

I lied.
I have an intense internet crush on you. Better, or worse?
» middaymoon on 2011-04-13 11:25:50

Good enough for me! Time to enable part B of my plan.
» middaymoon on 2011-04-13 07:05:36

i really wish i felt like you do right now.
Seriously, not wanting a relationship is a good place to be in :). I'm trying to get back to that thought process, but lately I have been son engulfed in wanting a relationship. Ya know, lame girl stuff.

anyways, is it me, or do you have friends from twilight? Alice AND Jasper? cool names lol
» dannixfresh on 2011-04-14 04:49:03

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