I think I've probably written about this before. It seems to come up every once in awhile. I get tired of people telling me that I "don't need to" or that it's "not your job to do that," as if obligation is the only reason to do anything.

This tends to come up specifically in the context of being kind or forgiving towards people who have wronged me. I've decided to talk to that guy about what happened so he at least knows that he did something wrong. Some of my friends think that's a bad idea and I shouldn't even try. Stuff like "he doesn't deserve that" and "you don't have to be nice to him" has come up. The only support I've gotten about this is from someone who thinks it could be "cathartic" for me to chew this guy out for what he did. That's not why I want to do it, though. I think it's possible that nobody else will call him out for this kind of behavior, and I want to give him at least a chance to change by providing him with feedback. If he doesn't, then whatever, that's not really on me. I don't think it's my mission to fix this guy, but I want him to have the opportunity to work on himself, whether or not he "deserves" that kindness.

My kindness and forgiveness are not finite resources... I don't feel like I lose something by being this way, by acting this way. I feel like I am adhering to my values rather than caving to the social pressure to be more selfish and stingy with my goodwill.

I get not wanting to put in more than the minimum effort in some ways... that's pretty much how I got through most of school. This isn't an area of my life where I feel like doing the bare minimum that's required of me, though. So, yeah. I am willing to try to communicate with the people who have done hurtful or unpleasant things to me, as a way to point them towards improvement, not because I have to, but because I want to.

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.