"A bright day annoys the depressive. He, who has no abundance in himself, cannot see the beauty surrounding him. In our emotions, we experience the varying tensions between the actuality of the moment and the potentialities of our existence."

"In depressive delusion, history is experienced in its absolute irrevocability, the past as unpardonable guilt, the future as inevitable catastrophe, and the present as irreparable ruin."

Excerpts from Phenomenological Psychology by Erwin Walter Straus, I believe. My computer broke, so I'm using the old computer in the front room. It has a lot of my old documents and files on it, and the articles from my Humanistic Psychology class in 2011 are here, so I was looking through them. I wish I could read the full book, but it's $99 on Amazon...

Yesterday I went to a talk given by Drs. Paul and Eve Ekman about emotional awareness. None of it was really new to me, but I went with my friends, and I appreciated being able to spend time with them. We went to a really cool park afterwards, which I would post pictures of if my computer weren't broken. Becka and Joel talked a bit about some things they want to do when they start their family soon. They're so lucky to be in a position where they can do that... Fro and Mike talked a bit about having kids too, but they don't know if they'd be able to afford more than one. We discussed the pros and cons of having only children, and what our own sibling experiences had been like. My brother and I have some... problems... but it was nice to have a playmate as a child.

I tried to fix my sleep schedule last night, but I don't think it worked. I was still tired during the day even though I went to bed at around midnight and got up around 9.

Now I feel sort of strange-- quiet, contemplative, solemn. Listening to "Someone Great" by LCD Soundsystem and thinking about the past.

I wish that we could talk about it
But there, that's the problem
With someone new I couldn't start it
Too late for beginnings
---
The worst is all the lovely weather
I'm stunned, it's not raining
The coffee isn't even bitter
Because, what's the difference?

Sometimes when something happens to you, it seems almost unbelievable that everything else goes on as normal. The shifting of your personal world goes unacknowledged, and it forces you to face that uncomfortable fact it's so convenient to forget from day to day-- that outside of a small circle, you really don't matter, and life will move on without you if you don't keep up. I've never found any particular resolution in regards to this thought-- just accepted it and resolved to push forward so I don't fall behind. There is a sort of Romantic allure to breaking down and giving up, but I know no good would come of it. Outside of fiction, people who don't move on with their lives are just sort of sad and lonely and unfortunate to behold.

I don't feel on the edge of a breakdown or anything, just as a disclaimer. I guess I'm just thinking about this because of the song.

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.