So I was thinking about anger.

I try not to get angry much. I don't feel like it's the most productive emotion for me, although I know it can be very productive for other people. My therapist sometimes tells me I'm "too rational" though and thinks I should let myself get angry more easily. If I felt like it served more of a purpose than maybe I would. But I don't think I need to be angry to be assertive. And I don't think avoiding anger makes me a pushover or a doormat. I just think it's easier to resolve conflicts when I can think straight. That makes sense, doesn't it? I'd rather not have to try to think through the haze of like a murderous rage or something.

And anger is one of those things that seems really satisfying in the moment but doesn't really... contribute anything in the long run a lot of the time. I kind of feel like "it'll make me feel better" is a really stupid reason to do something that won't have longer term positive consequences.

Still, despite all this, I think it is important not to just suppress any instance of anger that may occur. If I do feel angry about something I try to examine the roots of it and see if my own perspectives are the problem. After all, they say anger comes from not getting what you want. I don't think that remaining free of anger is valuable in itself, anger just gets in the way of things I think matter more.

The only instances I can think of in which anger was useful to me were situations in which:
-I was angry at myself, which motivated me to change
-I was angry at someone else, so I wanted revenge

But as I think I may have mentioned before, I feel that the best revenge is to live a happy life, because it shows that whoever I'm angry at is inconsequential to my being able to thrive. It doesn't matter what happens to them, that's not my problem. If I were to hold a grudge and dwell upon whatever happened, that's just negative for me, so I'm perpetuating my own problem. No reason to do that.

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Lately I've been running into a few problems. I feel like I'm getting to a point where I'm hitting the edges of what I feel "comfortable" developing. Lots of my self-development in the past has been driven by feelings of deficiency or a desire to be more effective. So it's stuff I want to do. But now I'm at a place where there isn't much I can really see that I want to improve. That doesn't mean there isn't anything I could work on, though. I think there's a whole lot I could work on. It's just going to be harder because I'm comfortable where I am.

For example, when I hate someone, I really hate them. I don't want to be around them, I don't want to breathe the same air as them, I don't want to acknowledge their existence. This is not something I've ever really felt like changing. I think I probably should try, though. There's someone I'm around on a fairly regular basis that I absolutely cannot stand and I've been wondering if I should try to break down that hatred for her. We're not friends and I don't think we need to be, but my attitude toward her could probably be better. It is hard, though. The challenge is good, at least. I think I've been fairly eager to make changes in the past and that has made it significantly easier. It's like a hobby, I guess. But to get really good at something maybe you have to do things you don't necessarily like.

I remember trying to go outside my comfort zone before, and maybe this is a good time to increase that. Being open to different people and experiences (with the exception of anything like drugs that could do long lasting damage) has been helpful to me in expanding myself, but maybe I've become too settled, too content, where I am now. I'm not really going outside my comfort zone anymore, I'm just pretending to by making behavioral adjustments within realms I already know.

Gotta go find some things that make me mentally uncomfortable and figure out why, then correct for it (unless the discomfort is natural and beneficial, anyway).

I'm kind of the opposite of you; I get angry far too easily and I think it's just from a fear of imbalance.

re: we went to a trail that's part of Steven's Pass. There's a lot of them out there. Iron Goat trail was the specific one we went on; it's one of the easiest ones there, since I'm out of practice and only used to dessert hiking. This is way different ... and yes, definitely bug repellent.
» LostSoul13 on 2015-06-02 09:46:23

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