Walking out of work tonight I felt something weird. Not sure what. But I'm pretty sure it's because it's cold again, and that sort of marks one year in Austin. There were a lot of other things that have happened recently that mark a year, like the impending doom of the holiday season, an annual review at work, renewing my lease... But for some reason it was walking to my car (in this really specifically grungy, industrial-looking alley/parking lot) behind work at 11pm when that first cold air of the Texas fall/winter/whatever season that really hit me... really made me feel it. Just remembering what who I felt like I was this time one year ago in this spot in space and time.

A lot of the time I feel pretty lost and confused about my identity and the grand scheme of things. But I don't know myself. And I get very fundamentally frustrated about that. Often. And violently. As time goes on though, I'm coming to realize that I'm definitely not the only one with this problem, and that, by nature, I may never really ever "answer" that "question."

"but that's ok because I know what I am doing this time,"

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