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Of the mind
Monday. 6.2.14 11:30 am
So much.

I ended the semester with higher than a 3.0, which was nice. One of my final grades (statistical mechanics) was a 64.01, but the range for a B was 64-80 or something like that. Such is my life.

I went to Utah again for about a week. We would hike all day, then come back to a small condo in Moab to eat and sleep. One day we were supposed to go backpacking and camp right next to the Green River, but the day of our camping reservation it rained/hailed (what awful timing) so were weren't able to go out at all. No camping for us.

You may recall that on a previous trip to Utah, I lost most of my pictures from the trip. Specifically, I had photos from when my brother and I climbed a mesa over our campsite and it was beautiful. I'm happy to say that I was able to reclaim that particular memory because we happened to be passing our old campsite and I took the liberty of making that detour. Over all, I have about 260 epic photos from the trip, most of which are on Facebook. Check it out, if you're able.

I came back to Atlanta in time for a training program with my church. It was exhausting and convicting. A friend from a sister church in Clemson came and stayed with me, and we were able to spend a lot of time together. I am thankful for his friendship.

As soon as that was over, another friend came from Columbia SC and stayed with me for a weekend. This is a guy I've only spent time with briefly, but he's basically a taller and more-white version of me. We had a grand time, and I am VERY thankful for his friendship. He's great. I actually started feeling insecure around him because it seems like he's just such a cool guy, and I look up to him in a lot of ways. I hope that will pass.

I was finally able to get back to my job, and I've already made significant progress on our project. I'm coding up the system that's going to control temperature in these camera boxes. It's fun! I look forward to spending a lot of time on it this summer, because it's hard to prioritize it during the school year.

I've seen two couples get married in the past week, and this weekend I'm going to be IN a wedding for the first time. Summer, man.

-----

Jordan locked his keys in his car recently. We were waiting for AAA to come and let him in. We were talking about how he keeps forgetting his keys in his car, and he asked us how our minds work.

His is like a stage. It only really allows for one stream at a time, but he has total focus on all the elements and players. Sometimes he just leaves out some of the 'behind the scenes' details.

His girlfriend's is like a series of boxes. Everything has a place, and she can keep several things in the forefront of her mind at once.

I think...

I'm not big on psychology, so I tend to have a simplified understanding of how the mind works. The image I have is of the subconscious, which is really the biggest part of the mind, and the conscious "me" that sits on top of that and pretends it knows what it's doing. In computer speak, my conscious self is just a graphic interface, an abstraction layer that sits on top of all the crazy subroutines that keep the system going. It's my subconscious that handles all my sensory input, directs muscle memory, and does basic problem solving, on top of the obvious things like beating my heart and controlling my various glands.

I often feel like I'm on autopilot. I'm one of those guys whose head is in the clouds all the time. I can walk, drive, and even read and talk to people (on occasion) without really paying attention to it. I just let the subroutines handle it, while I think or worry about what the wind blows my way. That means I'm often forgetful, that I rely on habit. I try to break everything down into its simplest parts. Tasks and goals are only easy for me when I understand how to fit them into my subroutines. If I can't, I struggle. I think this is why I found college life so hard, and why I'm so anxious about post-college life. It's too much, too fast. I have so many things that I'm trying to fit into my life, and I can't adapt quickly enough to do it well. On top of menial day-to-day things like studying, work, my walk with God, and other stuff like that, I also have to worry about taxes and maintaining my car and preparing for graduation and being a leader...

I've said before that I didn't understand myself. I saw a problem with how I was trying to handle life, but I couldn't get to the root of it. I think this is the next step. Now I know that my problem is a matter of organization. I still don't know how to change that core idea of my self, but I CAN focus more on integrating new things into my life as they come, instead of trying to solve my problems with obsolete tools.

hmm

In the meantime, this song is the best representation of my mind that I can think of. If you can understand that, then you might understand me.

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