My posts here have definitely been declining in frequency and in...variety, I suppose. I like hearing from you guys, but I've definitely lost most of my interest in blogging. In some ways, I don't need to anymore. I suppose a large part of my interest was based on loneliness. Not that I was lonely, exactly, but there haven't been many people in my life that I can talk to about...all this stuff. Everything. I shared on here because I needed to share. But now I have people in my life who take an interest in all that stuff. People who I can and do talk to about everything.

It's weird, that always seemed like a cliche to me before. Why would I want people to know everything about me? Blogging is funny because I didn't really know the people who read this. For the most part, you play no part in my life. You're disconnected, so I can say what I want without worry. I won't be judged harshly here. You're not affected by me and my life except as a viewer. There's power in that disconnection. I can get feedback without being truly open. On the other hand, if I told my friends a few years ago what I was writing at that time, they either wouldn't care (referring to my especially abstract and long-winded posts) or they'd feel hurt, or think less of me. They'd make me face the parts of me that I don't want to acknowledge. So I only show them what I want them to see, and I show you some of the rest. Some of it. It gives the semblance of transparency, but what's the point of a window behind a wall?

That's the biggest thing I've been coming to grips with this semester: being open. It probably seems obvious to some of you. Being open is good so you can know how to become better. It seemed obvious to me, consciously, but I didn't really apply it. I didn't want to change, I wanted to be comfortable. So of course I'd be reluctant to get into all that. Now my priorities are different. My spiritual family is there to help me mature in Christ, but they can't be much help if they don't know me. But I don't LIKE being open. I'm OK with admitting I'm wrong on some stuff, but there are other things I'd rather just leave alone. Probably some things I can't even think of right now because I subconsciously skirt the problems. The same way that a person can argue a point, thinking their view is the ONLY thing that makes sense, until someone else sees the fault and points it out. This still happens to me all the time, even though I've gotten much better at examining my own viewpoints. So even though it makes me uncomfortable and sometimes outright ashamed, I talk to the people I call brothers and sisters. Especially with my roommates, I try to be as forthcoming as I can stand, and then a little more. Sometimes that's what it takes to elicit repentance and change. A lot of times, actually. Even though these are the people I live with and see all the time, it's worth it to open myself to their judgement, because I know they won't judge me. Some of them are the same as me, and can relate. And they all love me, as I love them. We just want to grow. But that's a different point.

The point is that I don't need to be anonymously open anymore. In fact, I can't really, because the stuff I really want to talk about seems pretty senseless to most of the world. It's striking to me, how alien I've become, even in this society that seems so familiar. That's another reversal: my friends become strangers, and strangers become my friends.

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On something of a lighter note, part of my blogging capital comes from my random enthusiasm about stuff. I just feel the occasional need to explain and discuss something...at length. You can probably gather that from some of my longer posts. So the decline of my posts can be attributed in part to my change of taste! I like to talk about spiritual stuff, get advice, and stuff like that more than I used to. And I have the perfect environment for that! :D

Which reminds me, I want to talk about how Event Horizons expand next time. Peace.

Very interesting and deep. I don't have anything to add or ask, particularly, except that I would like to hear about event horizons.
» Zanzibar on 2013-11-11 03:03:26

I can relate somewhat. I joined NuTang years ago because it looked unique. More importantly, I had so many emotions that I needed to write down. I didn't want to write it down the traditional way with pen and paper. I didn't want the chance of someone seeing it. So I started to write it all down here, on a website that no one ever knew about, and still doesn't, which is good. It's nice to go somewhere that the world doesn't know about. Places like Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, etc, are all too known for me to ramble and rant on about life. The wrong people would see my ramblings there and I'd get yelled at. Here I'm free to ramble, whether I get noticed or not. And I'm fine with that. I really hope I can get back into the swing of NuTang like i used to. Really, there isn't any other place I can write freely without judgement than here. :)
» Kirei on 2013-11-15 01:44:25

what about it sounds dumb? It's the same thing as saying that two people in the same room in a skyscraper could "pass through each other" if they were on different floors, or that two people who were both in a skyscraper on the same floor could "pass through each other" if they were there at different times. That was written back in the 1920s, when everyone's minds were still being blown by Einstein's descriptions of time.
» Zanzibar on 2013-11-20 04:40:09

So do you think that additional spatial dimensions are a physical impossibility? Even little string-theory-type dimensions?

Or do you just object to the idea that a 3-D citizen of our universe (like a fly) could make use of higher dimensional space?

I think it is very possible that the existence of higher dimensional space would be very difficult to test, but I don't know of any reason why it couldn't theoretically exist. Maybe you know some reasons.
» Zanzibar on 2013-11-20 01:36:54

Yeah, it's a job opening at JPL, and that was the actual tagline. I thought it sounded kind of like a newspaper ad someone would respond to in a sci-fi novel.
» Zanzibar on 2013-12-17 05:06:57

I guess you could view the decline in needing to post as a sign of maturing into a well-functioning adult. O.O Which hardly anyone manages to do. That's one cool aspect of following Christ: when you're surrounded by others who are true followers as well, it tends to get a little bit easier to open up to them and start to grow through those connections you're making. Rock on and ignore the fact that I just said rock on.
» jabberwock on 2013-12-21 12:38:09

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