I passed through initiation into my fraternity on Saturday night. It was...pretty interesting. And very secretive. Shhh!

I never know what to write in these things. Eventually I just decide to open a new entry and start typing. And then stuff comes out!

Things with Lauren are...quiet. That is to say, I don't talk to her. In the last few weeks, I've really wanted to text her to ask her stuff. What she thought of me. What she thinks of me now. What any of the stuff we did meant to her.

And what she expects me to do with that stupid little zebra keyring thing she gave me. It's part of a set of three, and together they say "Best Friends Forever." There was one animal for her, one for me, and one for her most current biffle4lyfe. I was never quite sure where I was supposed to fit into that triangle because honestly I don't like the other girl very much...in hindsight, the miscommunication is obvious: my zebra just says "friends."

Anyway, I've been told by a mutual friend to drop it. So that's what I'm trying to do. I don't text her with weird inquiries into the nature of our relationship, no matter how gleefully morbid I'm feeling. I don't text her at all. Sometimes I still get pangs of loneliness, and more often, indignation and anger. But it seems to be working. I don't particularly feel like texting her anymore. I don't update all my friends on the newest details as they come up. (Mostly because nothing is coming up.) I guess that's good.

If things continue as they are now, I'll keep stable and probably be right as rain soon. Unfortunately, her relationship with a close friend of mine is likely to push her back into my life in the near future. I don't need that. Even the fact that he misses hangouts to go on dates with her is enough to irk me. Since I am apparently the only one disturbed by their combined presence, he will likely be bringing her to movie nights and the like when we start them back up over the winter break; nobody else will side with me on the matter. If I complain, I'm just bitching.

Seriously, though, what do I do with this zebra thing? What little sentimental value it has is far outweighed by what it represents to me. It's just a bad memory. But over time I have learned that I usually regret throwing things away. Plus that'd be a pretty big dick move. I just feel like her giving it to me was a mistake...should I give it back? It'd be hard to pull off without some implied malice and I'd rather not be so open with my implications (haha). I'll probably end up leaving it in my drawer and forgetting it. That'd probably be best.

I tell you what, I'm glad that facebook gives me the option to unsubscribe from people's updates. I don't get most of her air-headed statuses anymore, and almost none of her tagged photos. The worst thing I have to put up with is talking to the guy, actually, because he usually has a profile picture of the two of them cuddling or something. I try to ignore how many of my own friends like those photos. I can't blame them for it, because they're all friends with him too. It just feels a bit like being left out in the dark and forgotten...

Well gosh this got much more mopey than I'd planned.

Finals week coming up whoooooooooooooooooooo I'm going to disappoint my mother again whoooooooooooooooooooo

:|

It's really just ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS who likes them, hahahahahahaha. NOT POINTING ANY FINGERS.
But anyway...whoever that person is who told you to drop it...is, in my opinion, very right to say so. Everyone knows it happened, but they're doing YOU the favor of dropping it and moving on. It doesn't mean they don't care about you, it just means that it's been months upon months since it happened and it's time to accept what happened like the adults you are!
You know I care for ya dearly, but they're giving you a kick in the ass for a reason.
» Unicornasaurus on 2011-12-05 08:01:25

Hey buddy. I know how you feel.
When I was a freshman in college my roommate got together with the guy I liked (who lived across the hall). Even though we were friends, and even though she knew that I liked him. It really sucked to walk by his room and see her sitting on his lap while they watched a movie, or to come home and find them both in her bed (in my room!) They used to make out and giggle in front of my door and she'd leave it open just a crack. One time I went over there and slammed it shut (that surprised them!) He knew that I liked him, and he had originally liked me... he later said that he felt really bad for doing those things but he felt like he couldn't say no to things like that or she would get upset. She later said that the only reason I was mad at her was because I was jealous that he picked her instead of me. �.� I wanted all of my friends to hate them, naturally, but it's hard to hate someone that much unless whatever they're doing directly affects you. It was awkward to leave them out of things. I eventually realized that I couldn't ask all my friends to hate them, and it didn't mean they didn't love me any less or that they weren't on my side. Eventually I realized that the two of them were probably perfect for each other, and if I would have dated that guy I would have broken up with him in about two weeks. Besides, I ended up dating that guy's roommate! He was much better. ;) Anyway, it takes time, but it does get better. I had to avoid them for a while because I couldn't help myself from making snarky, bitchy comments every time they were around. :P Absence makes the heart... gain a sense of perspective. I would hide the zebra, and then throw it away whenever it means nothing to you.

ps--- I actually credit that blog entry of yours for igniting my interest in rediscovering quantum mechanics. ;) It took me a while to get my hands on some reading material, but it was worth it.
» Zanzibar on 2011-12-06 03:31:01

Gosh Stevo
You sound like me. Trying to avoid too much contact, controlling feelings, etc.....

It sucks. I'm sorry because I know how you feel, to some extent. I mean I'd be sympathetic either way, but especially given that I know how it just...sucks.

Put the keyring somewhere you don't go often. Keep it safe without having to worry about it. If the drawer is that place, then do that.

I think that if you keep yourself busy, this won't plague you as much. If there's truly nothing you can do about the situation, then you have to just try and focus on yourself for a while. You can get some really good growth out of those kinds of phases in your life, or at least that's what I've found for me. But then again, we're a tad different :) so whatever works for you. I just want you to be happy again, so that I can read your usual jubilant, bounding posts that end with a quote from dream theater.
» The-Muffin-Man on 2011-12-08 04:23:43

Im trying to stay positive and your comment is not helping :p lol
» Ruby-in-slippers on 2011-12-11 08:29:35

I really wish I had "Dead week" that would be so amazing. That is a brilliant idea for the college to do. Its so bad i didn't realize last night I was pulling my hair out piece by piece and looked down and there was a pile of it on my desk.

Just have to make it past Thursday tho!
» Ruby-in-slippers on 2011-12-12 12:57:01

Wow, you literally commented like, five seconds after I changed it. And it's not REALLY that much of a change... I did have that grey layout for awhile with the picture Dilated thought was something a rape victim would draw...
» randomjunk on 2011-12-13 01:11:28

But the hearts say "dysfunctional"! And I figured I might make it easier for people to read, since I remember that being a complaint. X|
» randomjunk on 2011-12-13 01:18:18

Feh.
» randomjunk on 2011-12-13 01:29:01

Tricked?
» randomjunk on 2011-12-13 04:48:38

Re: dude
what?
» The-Muffin-Man on 2011-12-13 09:04:21

That's pretty much how I start entries, too--just click "Publish new blog entry", type random whatever-comes-up stuff, then hit "Create this awesome entry".

Like people above have said, just stash it somewhere so you'll hopefully forget about it as much as possible, and yet never really be without it, just in case. In case of what, I have no earthly idea...
» invisible on 2011-12-15 05:21:08

re:
THAT'S UP TO YOU! I'm not going to plan your way down here--I have work, silly.
» Unicornasaurus on 2011-12-19 06:05:05

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