For the fraternity retreat this weekend, we went to one guy's house about an hour away. The place was HUGE! His family is very well off.

There was a tanning bed in the basement! Seriously.

I figured, you know, I've never even seen a tanning bed before, and now this guy's got one in his basement? I've got to try it. So I hopped in for a few (read, five) minutes. Yes they're terrible for you. But you know what? Five minutes of my ENTIRE LIFE in a tanning bed will not have any effect. It isn't like every second of exposure to harmful rays adds up over your entire lifetime. Your cells have natural functions to repair enzyme damage. Granted, this isn't a perfect process, but it does manage to keep us from developing tumors every time we go out in daylight. So I'm not worried.

Unfortunately, when I mentioned it on facebook (I think the idea of me in a tanning bed is hilarious) I got lectured by a few people...like my roommate. He gave me some statistic about people using tanning beds before the age of 21 developing cancer.

Right. So apparently Roomy is unaware that my father, my father's mother, my mother's father, and (I think) one of my great grandfathers have all died of various kinds of cancer (not of the skin, though). Which leaves me with a possibly high chance of developing those myself. Honestly, I'm more worried about getting cancer UNDER my skin than in it. So his little statistic not only bothers me because it doesn't apply to me (cough five minutes cough) but because it implies that I don't know shit about tanning beds, because he has no idea what my actual risk factors are, and because I'm sitting there trying to express that I do, in fact, know what my various risk factors are without being like "YO MAN I'VE WATCHED MEMBERS OF MI FAMILIA DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH I KNOW MORE ABOUT CANCER THAN YOU DO SHITHEAD" and he just won't...take the hint.

"People who use tanning beds before the age of 21 are 50% more likely to get skin cancer.

Keep that in mind."

"[roommate], I know perfectly well what my risks of getting various forms of cancer are, thanks."

"Yeah, that's because I just told you what they were, Steve."

"No it's because I make it my business to know my lineage."

"What a boring response."

"You may think so."

"Indeed. That would be why I said it."

wtf

I don't like telling people about my dad, mostly because there isn't really an appropriate time to mention that in most conversations, and partly because I don't like forcing people to feel bad. And I ESPECIALLY don't like using it as a guilt trip. That's just awful, and when people do stuff like that it's just completely low-down and dirty. So this is an awkward situation for me because I'm trying to say "dude you need to stop" without just outright saying it. Plus he's sort of being a dick in general.

"People who go outside before the age of 21 are also much more likely to get skin cancer. I guess you're the safest person here."
I suppose I am also being a dick.

EDIT:
Also, on Saturday, I decided to try out the zipline in this dude's back yard. So after a few minutes of trying to climb the base tree, which was apparently not intended for climbing, I managed to get high enough to sit on the seat instead of hanging off the bottom like everyone else was doing. Then one of the guys grabbed the bottom and gave me a running start...right at a tree. There was a pillow tied to it, but I wasn't wearing my glasses and the seat was rotating and I was barefoot, so the idea of bracing with my feet was pretty daunting...but not as much as just crashing into it. Still, as hard as I tried, I was unable to position myself for the impact...and just before the collision, the zipline caught on a stop in the wire and whiplashed me to a stop. I was so close to banging my rear on the trunk that everyone watching thought that I had actually crashed into it.

After jumping off the seat and collapsing on the ground, I realized my chest was hurting from the compression and whiplash. And now today, Sunday, I feel like I did a full upper body workout. Arms, back, abs, shoulders...everything is sore. Pretty crazy to experience.

DOUBLE EDIT:
I was only clarifying the zipline thing in my comments because I feel like it wasn't very well explained here in my post. The joke Zanzibar made (which I appreciate) made me more sure that I was being too vague. So that's why I corrected myself through comments. Sorry for the misunderstanding, ladies.

I take being funny very seriously. And I take being serious very...funnily?

Eh, your roommate definitely... was more of a dick than you. I wanted to say "outdicked you" but that sounded wrong in all sorts of ways. It's one thing to tell someone about health risks, and another to keep pushing it when they respond the way you did...

I agree that five minutes in a tanning bed wouldn't really harm you much. Did it actually do anything to your skin tone, by the way?
» randomjunk on 2011-11-13 07:14:06

Ah, it was a colon and then a slanting line, meant to represent a sentiment that I find myself utterly unable to convey except by emoticon, but apparently it got caught up in the htmlz.

By the way, I think you should know that people who sit on ziplines instead of hanging from them are 50% more likely to collide with trees.

Keep that in mind.


» Zanzibar on 2011-11-14 07:16:32

^
That.
» Unicornasaurus on 2011-11-14 12:48:07

Ah, Facebook. Your roommate sounds like he was having a Facebook comment one-upper moment with you. Some people just can't take a hint.

And honestly, lectures for testing out a tanning bed for five minutes? People need to chillax, man!
» Amelie on 2011-11-14 06:22:57

Except it was a joke? I'm not critiquing your zip line usage and neither is she, hahaha
» Unicornasaurus on 2011-11-14 06:52:21

Roomy should just kill himself right here and now because screw the statistic, shit happens when it wants to happen.
» Nuttz on 2011-11-14 07:03:03

haha, yeah, what Unicornasaurus said. I was just imitating your dick roommate. Your real risk of zipline related accidents goes up at least 150% if you use them before the age of 21.

Keep that in mind.
» Zanzibar on 2011-11-15 10:12:05

A) i'll fuck up your roommate for two bucks and a chick fil a sammich. just say word, son. JUST SAY WORD. WE'LL DO HIM LIKE I'M GONNA DO MUFFY IF HE EVER COMES ROUDN THESE PARTS FOR STEALING MY WOMAN

REAL TALK


I DON TPLAY THAT SHIT



or not whatevs

B) zipline sound sterrifyingly dangerous. I'll pass.

C) Middaymoon is the man. Who the fuck are you to argue with my logic?
» undisputed on 2011-11-18 01:34:23

taking being funny seriously is an important attribute. i can appreciate that.

re:
i kept the streaming service. i just don't want the dvd service.
» thaitanic on 2011-11-20 02:19:08

Yeah, she painted a real dude sitting in a chair to make it look like he was part of a painting, I guess?
» randomjunk on 2011-11-20 08:41:00

SWEET HOUSE. OH MAN.
"What a boring response."
Um. WHAT?! Is the interesting-ness of a response what makes it good/bad, true/bull? PFFT. All he requires on the internet, apparently, is un-boring-ness.

Too many hyphens.
» invisible on 2011-11-28 01:58:50

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