Where are you, girl I once was? I often wonder if you're hiding or possibly lost or maybe all together gone. Did you move on to the life you were meant to live or did you curl up and die in the floor while I wasn't looking? I miss your smile and your laugh even more. I haven't heard you singing like you were alone in the world in years. I wish you would come back wherever you are... Is it not bad enough that so many "friends" have dissappeared from my life, but to lose myself is just too much. I'm trying so hard to maintain the christmas spirit but the fact that it's even a struggle is what made it really hit home that you are gone.
I don't want to spend christmas with my brother in Pennsylvania and without my Mimi at all. It doesn't feel like christmas at all. I just feel so ALONE. I never have anyone to talk to about anything much less the burdens I have been carrying. Sometimes it just weighs so heavy on me, I feel like I could collapse under the weight. And all the stress of what's in our family's near future..it literally makes me nauseous. I can't believe I'm even saying as much as I am on here, I've been holding so much in for so long it's like if I even think about speaking of it I tear up and then have a panic attack.
I think I've lost my best friend and I'm so upset with her over it that I'm just letting her go and when she finally thinks about someone other than herself and realizes how much she's hurt me it will be too late because I already feel like it's too late now. And me and my other friend, SK, haven't been as close lately. I don't know why, we haven't had any problems, but we just seem to be growing apart and things feel forced between us but I don't want to lose her because I do love her I just don't know how to bring us back together when we are going in such different directions. Me and MY have been good as always but she's just so b busy and I'm so poor and we live so far apart that it's hard to make time for hanging and her situation is complicated right now so BFF time is next to impossible to get. With all that already in place I don't want to just dump all my burdens right on her as soon as we do get to see each other and lately that's how it's been irregardless. At least I have my nutang for when I start overflowing with emotion, it always helps bring it back down a little.

awww
*hugs* it's ok. i'll be hear to read up on ya! if you ever need to, i'm here for ya! i know the feeling of distance and friendship. but just remember, BFFs are there for that reason. it's up to you to keep that relationship. don't count the miles between you two, count the smiles. and if she is really your BFF, she'd want to hear your issues/problems or whatever else you wanna talk about. it's never a burden to a friend whom feels that you are their beloved and visa versa.

smile!

-minty
» msminty on 2010-12-08 02:18:34

Yeah, to add to what minty said, I totally don't mind when my old BFFs contact me out of the blue because there is something weighing on their minds. It feels nice to help and to be connected.

And of course you always have Nutang!!! You can always tell us what's bothering you. You could even lock it so that other people couldn't read.

But seriously, you sound kind of depressed. Have you been doing anything to try to make yourself happier? Maybe you could try meeting up with a group of random people to do something you like, taking a class at Michael's or going on MeetUp or something, something cheap just so you could meet new people and make some new friends. Sounds like it would be nice to have some happy friends who live close by. Anyway, hope you feel better!
» Zanzibar on 2010-12-08 05:18:51

I really wish there was a way to make it public to members and private to guests, I've been lobbying for that for a long time, but it hasn't happened yet. But you can just lock it and people can ask for the password. :P
» Zanzibar on 2010-12-08 08:06:23

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