i have pushed away the last one remaining in my heart and now my wife has it all to herself and yet, that is not true. part of me hopes that i can undo what has been done. i dream of a life that can never be a wish a want a desire unseen for so long that i must not see it or lose all faith with myself and my wife. how can i live a life that is a lie? easily for i am a lie. i pushed away the one i chased till i married another. i had hoped one day to catch that one was chased. i wanted nothing more than to relive the day in the summer, where i watch the sun light play upon emerald leaves outside that high window. i grieve for what i had cast aside. a name tattooed into flesh, i must ask why would you do that? are you truely that person, are you truely loving me as i give love to another who has earned through time and pain? are you the one i was meant for when the angels pulled me back from the depths of death? are you the one who was made for my delight and yet my torture, much like the one you are named for? do you mock me at years half end, or end if you are of the old faith. why did you call upon me now when you have been silent for so long? why must you tear my heart out just as it is whole again? i loved you with everything that i am, i sought to be your perfect companion and that was ot enough for you, becasue i must go half a nation away and serve my country so that i could learn to be a man and not a boy? i had to leave don't you understand? i left to gain my manhood which i would have lost for all life had i stayed and continued with my old path. now i must endure this life i have made for myself and yet i have hope for the future, i leave soon to go near home, mere hours away and yet i can not tell you this yet, but i will soon. and i will show the love that i have carried within me protected for time unmentioned and time lived through grief and pain. i will tell you of my hardships and what i have given up and given up for you as well. just wait dear one and you will see, that though i play games with spoken words my written ones speak truer than all.

damn, that was deep.
that's fucking sweet, the little java script thing you have ("why are you here....").
» zero_jak on 2005-10-18 09:54:56

yea
I had a lot of bitchy things I could say, but I'll condense it. you need to fucking be grateful for all the good things you have in life and stop acting like "you can do better" because you know that's half the reason you're never content and be happy with what you got. Be happy with Cel and be happy for everyday she deals with your ass. :P I hope you didn't expect warm snetimentality.
» EngelGenannt on 2005-10-25 04:46:34

I used to think that there is one person meant for me and then I would think I had found that person and when it didn't work out I would say to myself, "that's impossible, this can't be over... this was supposed to be something" and all the thoughts of might-have-been. But I don't believe that anymore. Why? because for one thing- everyone thinks that at one time or another, and most of the time, when you're the one on the outside looking in, you can easily see that they're wrong. "I can't let this go because it was meant to be and it is worth fighting for". No... if you let enough time go by, you'll see that it was really frankly worth letting go. Your friends probably saw that a long time ago but just didn't want to tell you that. You might not want to see this girl soon, though, I think it will just upset and confuse you and being confused isn't fun for you or fair to Cel. "No man or woman is worth your tears... and the one who is, won't make you cry". She made you cry, forget about her ass. You deserve your space to ponder these things, though. I understand the sentiments.
» Zanzibar on 2005-11-14 06:03:33

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