On the morning of January 31, 2007, a heinous act of terrorism takes place. The location is Boston, Massachusetts, where hired mercenaries Peter Berdovsky and Sean Stevens had placed dozens of Jihadist bomb-replicas. In mid-morning, the hoax devices achieve their goal and incite panic in the masses of the American city. A bomb squad is called by law-abiding citizens, which identifies the devices as sharing multiple similarities with explosive units. The matter is resolved by spraying the devices with a high-pressure water hose, the only safe method of effectively disarming terrorist weapons of mass destruction.

But the goal, it turns out, was not to destroy precious Bostonian landmarks; much more insidious motives were at work. Let me explain a little bit about these devices. The similarities to bona fide terrorist explosives are evident: "an identifiable power source, circuit board with exposed wiring, and electrical tape," because terrorists are sloppy workers and never become more adept than 4th graders. Take a look at the poor penmanship on these terrorist envelopes. But I digress; the devices in question were described by Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley to have "a very sinister appearance," which is, in accordance with Massachusetts law, grounds for suspicion of terrorism (or more famously in the 1600s, witchcraft). Sure, at first they seem harmless. In the daytime, they appear as inactive hunks of silicon:



However, they transform into glaring beacons of terrorism at nightfall, potentially triggering precise explosions or signalling local Jihadists to strike the marked locations with hellfire and brimstone with the aid of their malevolent deities:



Very sinister. The extended middle finger is a known Jihadist code, a secret hand gesture that President George W. Bush made public in an effort to spread the word about shifty terrorist dealings. But an investigation into the seemingly humorous cartoon character portrayed reveals an even sinisterer plot. Gracing the LED placards is a "Mooninite," an allegorical being that inhabits the surface of the moon. Anyone versed in the Qur'an and Islamic culture knows that the moon-god is worshipped as one of their main deities. Thanks to this information revealed through interrogation in Iraqi dungeons, our intelligence has made this plot all too transparent. The "Mooninites" are now known to symbolize the fierce Jihadist resistance to peace and civilization.



The legal action pending against Berdovsky and Stevens reached a dead end when the left-wing, liberal judge interjected about the terrorists' goal to strike fear into America's hearts: "It appears the suspects had no such intention but the question should be discussed in a later hearing," displaying such lethargic procrastination of which only a democrat Jew could be capable. Inaction is a crime far worse than terrorism, and with reports that these "Mooninites" have been popping up in cities all over America, it seems as though the terrorists have already won.

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