i'm not sure what happened to the grand splendor that i once associated with my older brother. i don't think that it has dissipated, but rather it has been overshadowed by the general wear and tear of existence. intense eyes with the power to deliver a death sentence, bushy black temples, and his bullwhip of a tongue are now poorly complemented by slackened jowls and chapped lips from the stress of academic ambitions. at least my parents take pride in his acceptance into harvard or yale or whatever ivy league medical school. i, however, do not take the least bit of interest in his successes nor do i in his failures.

when i was younger, i often felt as though he were sitting on my chest- his harsh opinions and girth compromising my circulation as well as my train of thought. the transition from following his every move to fearing them is still somewhat foggy in my mind. all i know is that the man who is temporarily living in the bedroom downstairs once again is so far from the big brother i once admired and respected. i don�t know that brother anymore, and for years the sound this realization resonates when it seldom surfaces has caused a stinging pain as it scratches at the sad vacancy it�s left behind.

This entry makes me want to step my game up..
» Dilated on 2008-10-22 11:04:03

As both a brother and a writer.
» Dilated on 2008-10-22 11:04:18

situations similar to your post oftentimes makes me wonder if we as individuals actually fear, contemplate, love, hate, admire, etc. the other person or the image that we've built of them. :) i don't have any superlative advice to share--only that from my own experiences as an older sibling, it's a harder position to be in than it seems and the bonds of "siblinghood" are interpreted and expressed differently from each person to another.
» little-b on 2008-10-24 01:16:50

lol, i meant from one person to another. ick, dave needs to add an edit function to these comments. :)
» little-b on 2008-10-24 01:18:33

The feeling sucks. But it sucks more to not feel it at all.

I'm glad you're still around, I've always enjoyed reading your entries.
» eXiled on 2009-03-07 12:59:55

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