I am listening to Steppenwolf, right now. They are discussing the inevitability of war and how no one thinks about their own role in how it is brought about. I think that I know mine and I am surprised that I am not shocked or ashamed of it. That thing in me that makes war is the same thing in me that keeps me alive, that makes me strong, the keeps me whole.

You see, I believe in fighting back. Many times I have gazed in horror at the back of my eyelids or sometimes into nothing at all and seen in it dark alleys and the eyes of evil men who wish harm upon me and I think, I have the right to fight back against them. I know that the bible says to turn the other cheek, but in the face of rape and violence and death, I wish to fight for one more day of life not as a victim and not living in fear. It is this same thing that causes people to go into war, but not the only thing.

You see defending myself is not enough. I believe that other people, who find themselves caught in anguish through no fault of their own, should not have to be caught in that anguish and if my effort can alleviate that in any small part, then I should do it. Though perhaps if I did not, then there would be no violence at all.

But then I forget the aggressors, those �evil men� who probably live in me somewhere, what causes them to fight? Well, I do not pretend to understand it completely, I do have a story. There is a word: assuage. I used to like it because I liked how it sounded in my head. I thought it was pronounced like �massage� without the �m�. It was because I did not see the �u� because my eyes play tricks on me. When I found out that this was not the case, I still clung to that pronunciation. I think that may have something to do with it.

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