Wow.

Tonight was very... interesting, to say the least. Haha.

I went to this awesome vegan bakery/coffehouse that my dear sister invisible used to live by, and I brought a friend. Mind you, my friend is really really really pretty, so we always manage to meet people wherever we go. She attracts them, and I put zero effort into my looks so we end up looking super approachable.

There was an old hippie there going by the name "Handyman." His real name is Michael, but that's what he calls himself. Here's his address if you ever want to send him mail. (He really wants us to send him mail.)


Oh, and here's what he looks like.



He was really nice, but definitely has done his fair share of baking his brain. Might be a little crispy upstairs.

Here's some fun "facts" we learned about him! (He was accompanied by a couple of his lady friends that live in his house, too, so that made it a little more comfortable of a conversation... instead of running for the car.)

1) He got a tiny tick in his nether regions (he made me say nether regions out loud for him) and contracted Lyme Disease without his knowledge. Over the years, tiny little worms went through his body and eventually ate away half of his brain. Then he had a seizure and fell over and went to the hospital and that's where he learned half his brain is gone.
2) He has alzheimer's.
3) 4 years ago, when he found out his brain was pretty diminished, he told his brother. His brother then committed suicide and Handyman was forced to clean up his brains because according to the brother's religion, a coroner couldn't see him until his body was properly cleaned up. (Umm... I'm sorry, but do you still even HAVE a religion if you commit suicide?)
4) Handyman bought a house for a dollar.
5) Handyman lives in a shack behind his house and lets several women live in his dollar house.
6) Every woman that moves into his house, whether it be for a few weeks or a few years, gets one of his trinkets he has around the house. He offered my friend a vintage Beatles poster. It was really tempting.
7) If you swear in his house, you have to run around naked and yell, "I'm an octopus."
8) You should hold onto your virginity as long as possible.
9) You should do psychedelic mushrooms only once every six months.
10) You should smoke pot about once a day. Especially before bedtime.
11) No drinking, though. Alcohol is bad.
12) Being good, kind, loving, considerate, and some other good stuff is the meaning of life.
13) You should go to art museum events if you want to meet good quality boys (or girls. He always looked at me and said, "Or girls!")
14) God doesn't have a penis because it would be as big as Uranus and that just doesn't need to happen.
15) One of the women in his house wants to have his Jesus babies, and you can hit her abs with a sledgehammer and she doesn't even budge.
16) If your boyfriend curses in front of you, doesn't call you miss or ma'am, doesn't open doors for you, expects you to do things just for him even if you don't want to, disrespects you, commits indiscretions in front of you (such as eating bacon in front of you if you're a vegan) or several other things, you should dump him. Or your girlfriend. Don't forget that.
17) He doesn't like camping anymore.
18) He cut off his finger and didn't feel it.
19) He still has his finger at his house and is trying to give it away... So if you're looking for a human finger, write him and he'll send it.
20) He loves Dolly Parton. And boobies.

Yep. He wanted us to come stay at his house. We were like, "Yeah, that's cool!" and soon after left because weirdness.

But it was a really good night.

I also heard them playing some Danielson at the coffee shop, so that was cool. I didn't realize people knew they existed. (Oh, God, I swear I'm not a music snob...) They're just that obscure. And I only ever hear their weird stuff. Never the normal songs.

And I've managed to stay strictly vegan for 4 whole days! :) I'm really happy about this.

Also, might get to see AFI on September 19th! I'm really looking forward to it. I've loved them since freaking 9th grade. Still do.

Decemberunderground, baby.

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