I hate religion.

It's stupid. It's sick. It's wrong.

I grew up in church. I still live in a home full of church. Is my home filled with love and helpful hands and feet, then?

Nope.

It's a home filled with tension and stress.

I refuse to associate with being a religious person. All I am is a person. I'm interested in religious stuff, sure. World religions are fascinating. I even almost went to a Bible school to become a music leader for a church. (Now I'm going to go to a school [for free!] to study horticulture and/or wildlife ecology and preservation.) But a lot has changed.

I mean, my brain broke, for instance. OK, it's always been broken, but this last year it really fell apart even more. You know it's a broken brain when it's trying to get you killed.
And the whole time I'm trying to go to a Christian school to be a minister, my family is telling me that I can't and it's a sin.
And then people find out I don't work right in the head. So they tell me to keep my chin up, that they're praying for me, and that God's the great healer.

The entire time I'm just thinking, "You're full of shit."

And I'm right. Everyone is full of it.

Call me bitter, but organized western religion hasn't really done right to me. Or to anyone. I'm sure Joel Olsteen would disagree, but he's on the stick that's rich and has a GREAT smile, and is probably faking it with all that prosperity bs.
Churches suck. Most of them are pointless and destroying the entire purpose of the Bible. Francis Chan (I hate religion and church, but I love this guy.) said one time that Christians are like crap. Spread out, it fertilizes the ground. In concentrated groups and piles, we just smell bad.

Think about church meetings at your average little midwestern church. What do they manage to get done? They sing and talk about verses. That's it. When was the last time they actually DID something good?

I mean, look at Jesus. He actually did stuff. The dude talked a good talk, (a REALLY good talk. That shit's legit.) but his walk was way cooler. Healing people, helping the poor and grieving. What do Christians do? They gripe and complain about their rights getting taken away and look down their noses at anyone different. I'm so done with this scene.

So what am I?

I'm a person. I believe stuff. I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. I believe in the Bible.

But I also believe in freedom. I'm not going to tell you who or how to marry. I'm not going to tell you what you can drink. I'm not even going to tell you what you're allowed to put in your pipe. Or how to damage your skin. (How is tanning any different from tattooing? It's all scars in the end.) Or what to listen to. Or how to talk. Or dress. Or feel. Or think. You have a brain. God made you with the capability to make choices for a reason. It's fully within your rights to use your brain. In fact, it's even encouraged.

I don't read my Bible because I'm going to burn in hell if I don't. I read it because it's intriguing and full of wise words. I read it because I hope to actually know God someday. I don't read it in hopes of oppressing those that already feel oppressed by life.

I don't pray because I hope it changes your mind. I pray because it's like meditation for me. It connects me to the higher Being.

I don't go to yoga because I need to align my chakras and shave my head. I go because it relaxes me and helps me clear my head. (The chakra part is just an added plus.)

What I'm trying to say is, I don't fit in with "Christians." I don't fit in anywhere. I'm just an awkward vegan hippie trying to do some good and find some purpose. I don't have all the answers. I don't vote republican. I don't vote democrat. (LIBERTARIAN, FTW.) I don't get half price milkshakes with friends, or try the new bacon flavored whatever. I don't litter. I don't always have a relentless smile on my face. I won't tell you you're in my prayers if I don't actually mean it. I mess up a lot. I'm a really forgetful jerk most of the time. I cuss way more than any Mary Kay representative should. I smoke sometimes. I'm scared to try out going to the hookah bar. (My friend knocked over the bowl one time and accidentally laid on the burning tobacco. Her shorts are ruined and her back looks scary. THE DANGER IS REAL.) I'm also scared to look at my garden because it's probably ripe with failure. I don't play guitar anymore because I don't feel good enough. (Don't worry. I'll pick it up once my acrylic nails fall off.) I don't draw much anymore either since I'm pretty sure I used up all that talent.

What on earth do I actually do?

I'm not sure yet... But I grow really good lettuce. I love some pretty cool people. I knit some ugly stuff. I have a gym membership I barely use except to go to yoga classes. I sleep any chance I can get. I go get my brain adjusted once a month. I talk to a certified girl once a week about my feelings and learn how to actually prioritize my sanity. I spend my paycheck way too fast and mostly on food. I help anyone I can at work. Unless they want me to come in early. Then I weasel out of it. I hope to own my own nursery, or work as an environmental preservation-person, even though science and biology are NOT my strong suits. At all. I got a 25 on the ACT, but that was only because my english and reading scores were phenomenal. Science and math were cringe-worthy. I ramble a lot. I get mad easily when people are doing hurtful things. (DON'T LITTER!!!!!!!!! OR EAT AT CHICFILA!!!!!!!!!!!!!) But I don't get mad at you for disagreeing. For pete's sake, I'm dating a pentecostal bacon lover that pretty much IS Dave Ramsey when it comes to his money. We are polar opposites. He doesn't even like Doctor Who. But I love him to death.

On a side note, does anyone know of any farm sanctuaries in the midwest? Just wondering. :)

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